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Reply With QuoteIt's good, but you should cut it up into stanzas. It looks like one paragraph.
When we meet such a passionate kiss I have to give.
It will be long, if worst comes to worst I might not live.
If that happens my spirit goes to see you that day.
But when night falls to a hot place it flies away.
Though I loved you so much there were so many others.
And those I loved were called “soldiers,” my fighting brothers.
They surely send my broken body back to the states,
But it is with the deployed battalion my soul waits.
Though they seal up our bodies in a wood box so small,
Our spirits patrol, watching over them at night fall.
We our many who in defense of alls freedom fell.
Our names; long to list, and stories too many to tell.
The body goes but our spirits will refuse to yield.
We stay alongside the live comrades still in the field.
It's good, but you should cut it up into stanzas. It looks like one paragraph.
Your write it does sort of have a text book boring look to it. But how would you divide it up what is your suggestion.
I like your one paragraph text book poems! Just wouldn't be the same if you started breaking up your sentences.
Signature is a Gwenibe original.
This was a very good poem beast i also think you should stay with your style of writing.
XD aaaa great poem as usual ^_- , and as what SelfTorment said " you should stay with your style of writing " becasue this is who you are and this is your style X3 ... =^_^=
♥♥♥My Dreams Become Like The Rainbow♥♥♥
Love Like the Wind You Can't See It But You Can Feel It
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