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Thread: Spoken words of Truth

  1. #1
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Spoken words of Truth

    Spoken words of Truth
    By BlueFox1


    Sitting here racking my brain trying to come up with the perfect poems for all to see
    Synaptic responses of my mind firing like lightening touching the ground around me
    Realizing that no one really reads or listens to the voice that’s with in my poetry
    Striving for excellence like track & field athletes struggling for an Olympic gold medal


    Confined behind writer’s block, confusion, and unhelpful comments or post to excel
    “Oh I really like this poem” or “you’re really good hope to see more” saying nothing
    This endless dribble does not help me strive or exceed the goals I’ve set for myself
    Instead I begin to sink as rapidly as the Titanic as it struck that iceberg so long ago


    Constantly trying to come up with new ideas for poetry to get people to actually read
    Beginning to see the light fading out like the sun disappearing behind grey clouds
    Long or short this runs through my head every time people fear these types of poems
    Like playing hide and go seek in the dark realizing that the dark is the one thing you fear


    Memorizing a title of a poem that a fellow poet wrote “I don’t need your approval AO”
    People begin to black list us for speaking our minds like people blacklist the president
    Never understanding that we all speak our minds right here in this forum everyday
    Destined never to know my potential like a player sitting on the bench at the last game


    Critique if you're not afraid! Thank you to Peach_follows for inspiring this!

    This poem is written to get critiques on poetry to help strive to become a better writer! Most people who read this will look at it like I'm trying bag on AO! If you do then you clearly do not understand where I am coming from. A poet looks for readers to make them better by telling them what they can improve on. That is the message of this poem!
    Last edited by BlueFox1; Jan 03, 2008 at 09:05 PM.

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    Heavy Metal Goddess CherryBlossom18 may be famous one day CherryBlossom18 may be famous one day CherryBlossom18's Avatar
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    Re: Spoken words of Truth

    Spoken like a true poet bro. I didn't think anyone would be brave enough to tell the truth about how some people respond to the poems we write on here, but I'm glad you did. I know we all want encouraging words about the stuff we write on here cause some of the words inspire us to come out of our writer's block and come up with great poems like this one.
    "Sunset Kisses Along The Beach"
    Made for me by HolderofTheDarkChalice
    Thanks so much I love it!

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    BlueFox1 (Jan 04, 2008)

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    Re: Spoken words of Truth

    Quote Originally Posted by CherryBlossom18 View Post
    Spoken like a true poet bro. I didn't think anyone would be brave enough to tell the truth about how some people respond to the poems we write on here, but I'm glad you did. I know we all want encouraging words about the stuff we write on here cause some of the words inspire us to come out of our writer's block and come up with great poems like this one.
    Thanks sis for understanding where I'm coming from with this poem! I only did it because criticism makes us better as people and as poets, but with out peoples critiques no matter how good or bad they may be the poet may never know where they stand! Inspiration comes from other writers as well as personal experiences. I am fortunate enough to have bother my inspiration from Peach_follows and my own personal experiences with short meaningless post.

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    Banned Rave_Grip may be famous one day Rave_Grip may be famous one day Rave_Grip's Avatar
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    Re: Spoken words of Truth

    Hah! This is a rather cleaver poem if you ask me, it's like representing a riot in a very humble way Also, by these lines: -


    Quote Originally Posted by BlueFox1 View Post
    Sitting here racking my brain trying to come up with the perfect poems for all to see
    Synaptic responses of my mind firing like lightening touching the ground around me
    Realizing that no one really reads or listens to the voice that’s with in my poetry
    Striving for excellence like track & field athletes struggling for an Olympic gold medal
    I, at first thought that you didn't know how to write poems or couldn't find the perfect words to show what you felt, but in this poem you present your ideas perfectly. Thus, in my opinion a perfect poem ...

    But you could use these two stanzas to replace your first two:

    Here I am, sitting, thus far achieving nothing. Criss-crossing every line written so far,
    my head bursts with the essentials with nothing in particular reaching my hand.


    Confined behind writer’s block, confusion, and unhelpful comments or post to excel
    “Oh I really like this poem” or “you’re really good hope to see more” saying nothing
    This endless dribble does not help me strive or exceed the goals I’ve set for myself
    Instead I begin to sink as rapidly as the Titanic as it struck that iceberg so long ago
    That made me smirk.

    Exactly what I think. Even though they do type some mere lines, it still isn't enough, is it? And nice imagery of the Titanic sinking, but does this represent your ideas? Broken and sinking?

    And one tip which always works for me; write as if though you really want to write, but it's important if you really feel those emotions.

    And that's all from the Amateur critique ^_^;

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    BlueFox1 (Jan 06, 2008)

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    Re: Spoken words of Truth

    Thanks Rave, for taking the time out to analyze my poem and telling me what could be stronger, or what I should change! Honestly though those words were all heart felt because the sad reality is due to people doing that I was planning to leave AO for good! But yourself, Cherryblossom, Shini, and a few others are what's keeping me to stay plus my love of anime! Truthfully speaking broken and sinking is how I feel all the time and poetry is what brings me out of that. For an amateur critique it is exactly what I was looking for!

  8. #6
    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Re: Spoken words of Truth

    very cool! Yes, I can feel the frustration in this. I felt like you were writing and I was feeling your emotions. And also I feel very honored that my poem was metioned....
    ... Not Ever Again...

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    BlueFox1 (Jan 08, 2008)

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    Re: Spoken words of Truth

    Quote Originally Posted by Peach_follows View Post
    very cool! Yes, I can feel the frustration in this. I felt like you were writing and I was feeling your emotions. And also I feel very honored that my poem was metioned....
    No I should be the one to thank you for inspiring this! My true intention behind this poem was to bring everyone together that felt the same way I did about people posting on our poems and not really saying anything! So when I wrote this I truly wanted everyone to feel the pain, and irratation that I feel when I complete my work and have a post saying...good job hope to see more your work, but there is nothing useful in the post.

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