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Thread: ***** story

  1. #1
    Slippery When Wet~ Trampoline Tricks 2 Champion, Togy Ball Champion highteckdudu is off to a good start highteckdudu's Avatar
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    ***** story

    You, an average looking girl, many boundaries, slender looking, and lonely
    She took you in
    Treated you as an equal
    As a friend
    She trusted you more than anything
    She told you all her secrets
    Past experiences, new experiences, even her crush!
    All she asked for was secrecy, and nothing else
    That boy for whom she had so long been longing for waits.
    For the two are not strangers, Best friends 10 years you see!
    Him tall slender, straight A student, respectable
    Her bulk, emotionless, C+ student, this could never be!
    She told you that she was going to conjure up the courage to ask that boy,
    “Shh… it’s a secret.” She said
    You nod and hand her a box,
    Carefully she opens it, and inside an amulet coin lye within its borders,
    “For luck!” you say
    She puts it on a chain, and wears it every day!
    “I’ll just have to get the timing right!” she replies
    The moment of truth arrives can this be?
    Heart pounding, the smell of rejection in the air,
    She turns the corner and what does she see?
    You… talking with him… her feelings flair
    And she blots behind a corner
    Can’t make out the words, only movements fill her mind?
    He bows and turns in her direction.
    She ‘Bumps’ into him and asks, “What happened?”
    “I wasn’t ready for a relationship with her.” He replies
    Looked at her and walked away all tired eyed.
    Anger, frustration comes over her body,
    But most of all confusion, why?
    Why had you betrayed her?
    She walks down the hall past you as if nothing had just happened there.
    She turns toward you gave you a small glare and keeping her distance keeps walking,
    A week goes by; she goes to your house
    Maybe to find an explanation to the situation that had aroused.
    Maybe you did it to protect her, maybe not,
    But the water your in is boiling HOT!
    “Why?” She asks
    With a dirty grin, you reply
    “Because, you’re weak!” Her heart sank
    “You’re too nice, and therefore, easy to manipulate,
    You trust to easily, you shouldn’t trust any one but yourself!”
    She raises her head and begins to laugh,
    “Ha ha!” she goes, “you did this all to get to me,
    But… but you’re the one that got ***** slapped in the end.
    He rejected you, so basically it was all for nothing!”
    You just stand there emotionless, as if you were holding something back
    But it wasn’t shame or anger, and she continues,
    “And I’m not scared… no, not in the least bit!”
    Liar, she was, for she was scarred to death of it,
    That you would tell her secrets, but wait,
    You were too self absorbed to remember any of it!
    “You know what?” she said to you with a straightened face,
    “Go to a mirror and take a good long look,
    Cuz now you’re a ***** in my book!”
    She bows and walks away,
    For now there was nothing more left to say.

    Months go by and she still wears your necklace,
    The days turn to normal, but not quite, because of you,
    She is stronger, as she ponders her past, and how horrible it was before you,
    She sits there worrying, but that’s…
    That’s another story.





    WOW this one was fun! Sorry for the lenght, i had trouble wondering if it should be a story or a poem, but i'll let you all decide!

    Highteckdudu
    Last edited by aceman67; Nov 10, 2007 at 06:04 PM.
    I tryed to see things from your point of view but i cant seem to get my head that far up my ass!
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  2. #2
    Mathematical!! Bugz Champion, Ant Bully Champion, Chainsaw the childern Champion, 3D Net Blazer Champion, Cricket Challenge Champion, Big Uglies Champion, Body Check Champion, Desktop Fishing Champion, All Star Skate Park Champion, Chuckie Egg Champion, Birdy Champion, Anthrax Jelly Champion, Air Typer Champion, Word Pads Champion, Crash Test Dummy Curling Champion, The Mini Jump Game Champion, Chairlift Challenge Champion, Astroboy vs One Bad Storm Champion, Fight Man Champion, Blot In Hell Champion, Beeku Adventure Champion, Connect2 Champion, Atomica Champion, Cannonball Follies 2 Champion, Bada Boing Champion, BeachDefence Champion, Alkie Kong 2 Champion atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout has become well known atomik_sprout's Avatar
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    Re: ***** story

    Very descriptive, well thought out and wonderfully written. This almost makes for a good short-story. Well done, highteck! I hope to read more from you! ^_^
    Last edited by aceman67; Nov 10, 2007 at 06:08 PM.


  3. #3
    ~always by your side~ Radarix Champion, Virus 2 Champion, Virus 3 Champion fireandice is off to a good start fireandice's Avatar
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    Re: ***** story

    Wow, that was good but I don't think that it's a poem. It's more of a story. But it is well written and well thought out. You could have more details about the people that you are talking about, but other than that it was very good.
    Last edited by aceman67; Nov 10, 2007 at 06:08 PM.

  4. #4
    Devoted Otaku bratling may be famous one day bratling's Avatar
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    Re: ***** story

    Story poem. Either way it was really good. I really liked it and I think it flowed really well. Heck I even liked the length and I'm not fond of loong poetry.
    Last edited by aceman67; Nov 10, 2007 at 06:07 PM.

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!

  5. #5
    Golden Crypt Lord James Bunny Champion, Leaf Bouncer Champion, Flying Pengus Champion, Jungle Jumble Champion, Hungry Hippaul Champion LichGRIFFIN may be famous one day LichGRIFFIN's Avatar
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    Re: ***** story

    i think this should be called "stopoemry" but for the quality it is very good indeed well discribed situations and such ... great indeed ...
    Last edited by aceman67; Nov 10, 2007 at 06:07 PM.
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  6. #6
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    Re: ***** story

    I liked this.
    It was real enough for a ***** like myself to comprehend it. Loving the flow.
    Since i have to give elaborate detail i gwill say...
    It was very fluently expressede in the most deepest of emotional ways.
    Last edited by aceman67; Nov 10, 2007 at 06:07 PM.

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  7. #7
    Slippery When Wet~ Trampoline Tricks 2 Champion, Togy Ball Champion highteckdudu is off to a good start highteckdudu's Avatar
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    Re: ***** story

    Thank you all for the wonderouse comments! Yeah it could have been better! And yeah i too think of it as a story, but because it some what rymed I decided to put it here!
    Last edited by aceman67; Nov 10, 2007 at 06:06 PM.
    I tryed to see things from your point of view but i cant seem to get my head that far up my ass!
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  8. #8
    Otaku BAUTIFULSOUL is off to a good start BAUTIFULSOUL's Avatar
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    Re: ***** story

    i love this poem. its awesome it doesnt matter about the length...nice story. keep it up! i would love to see more!!=)

    IF YOU LISTEN CLOSELY, YOU CAN HEAR MY HEART BEATING FOR YOU.
    THIS BEAUTIFUL SIG MADE BY LASURA=D


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