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Thread: The Story With No Name: Chapter 1

  1. #1
    Otaku Heartless_mage may be famous one day Heartless_mage may be famous one day Heartless_mage's Avatar
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    The Story With No Name: Chapter 1

    This is my first story i have written in a while so it is not my best work......by the way the first chapter was edited by: 4d4m.......told you i would tell everyone.........to the mods and admin sorry for the language.........






    The Beginning

    As the crimson colored blood rolled down his arm he knew there was no turning back. Reaching to his waist, the man pulled out a katana blade which was known to only a few as Geranda. Slashing into the shadows the blade found its prey, lashing out with all his will he knew that if he did not finish what he had been assigned to do he would surely be killed, there was no time for petty emotions such as guilt and sympathy. Knowing this, the man hacked at his target over and over, laughing at the childish screams that poured from his victim. Upon hearing no more screams, the killer reached for the body. Dragging the carcass out the darkness the man stared upon his victim.

    At his feet lay the nearly decapitated corpse of a humanoid child.


    Developed at Zatoya Industries, humanoids were a breed of “humans” that could be created with any characteristics that the mother and father sought. It was a development that various scientists saw as a chance to change the way that the human population looked at childbirth. Other organizations saw Zatoya as sacrilegious, it was going against the teachings of Riopi, and the most radical of these people were the Nyoto Clan.

    The Nyoto Clan was seen by religious leaders and philosophers of Riopi as a cure for the demonic plague which, in there eyes, was called technology. They sought to bring a downfall to modern civilization and return Zadokei to the time of the Feudal Era, by any means that should have to be taken. They were led by Zambyoto Misamita.


    “Shut the **** up!” Mismita screamed, furious at one of his lead prophets. “If I tell you to ****ing do something, you better ****ing do it!” Mismita was a man that was known for his rage. As a boy he was abandon by his grandparents for his conduct. Not knowing his real mother or father he walked the streets until he came upon a Riopi Temple. At first glance the priest of the temple knew there was something strange about this boy, something strange which he had never seen before. In return for the food and shelter that was given to him, the boy would have to convert to the Riopi faith.

    “Now leave my presence before I show you what true power is!” Howled Mismita.
    “Mismita sir, Mismita sir, I need your aid with a problem that I am having.” Tesun begged.






    well that is the end of the first chapter...........please give me honest critisism i wont get mad.....................

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  2. #2
    Fish Fingers & Custard Ice Hockey Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Ant Tracks Champion, Jungle Hunt Champion, Madnetics Champion, Manole Champion, Blokken Champion, Fast Food Fiasco Champion, Shapes Hifters Champion, Mud and Blood: Vietnam Champion HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice's Avatar
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    Re: The Story With No Name: Chapter 1

    i liked the story i want to know what he was begging for
    and i like how you said they were treated like a cure good way to describe them
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

  3. #3
    Newbie juLLiE_cHu may be famous one day juLLiE_cHu may be famous one day juLLiE_cHu's Avatar
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    Re: The Story With No Name: Chapter 1

    heartless mage ^_^ heyy =D this story is really interesting..im not lying =) Make the second chapter..I'm interested in what's going to happen =) otherwise good job *pats mage on the back* ^_^

    SPECIAL THANKS TO: N!tr0-Glyc3r1n, TaurausDemon23, and Surio; for helping me put up my sig =)

    sig made by me =)
    juLLiE_cHu-- -"doushite konna ni suki nan darou"-- -

  4. #4
    Otaku Heartless_mage may be famous one day Heartless_mage may be famous one day Heartless_mage's Avatar
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    Re: The Story With No Name: Chapter 1

    thanks for the comments i just wish more people would read it

    hint,hint

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    Newbie Dead To The World may be famous one day Dead To The World may be famous one day Dead To The World's Avatar
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    Re: The Story With No Name: Chapter 1

    It was AWSOME!!! I like the blood and the gorey stuff made it seem kewler and more real
    ~*~ Trust is the Weakness Betrayal is the Hidden Blade~*~

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    Newbie Atomic Muffin may be famous one day Atomic Muffin may be famous one day Atomic Muffin's Avatar
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    Re: The Story With No Name: Chapter 1

    I liked it. ^^ Does it take place during a certain time period, or do we just asume the future?
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    Otaku Heartless_mage may be famous one day Heartless_mage may be famous one day Heartless_mage's Avatar
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    Re: The Story With No Name: Chapter 1

    it will all come together into the story..................i think

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    Sorrow's Angel Shinigami's_Angel may be famous one day Shinigami's_Angel may be famous one day Shinigami's_Angel's Avatar
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    Re: The Story With No Name: Chapter 1

    Wow,that was awesome! I soooooo can't wait till the next chapter get's put up.I loved it,I can't wait 2 read the next chapter.Awesome job Heartless_Mage!
    Made by- Ryomakurosaki (Thank you sooooo much!!) ^__^

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