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Thread: Struggling Outcast

  1. #1
    Laid Back Otaku Tano-kun may be famous one day Tano-kun may be famous one day Tano-kun's Avatar
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    Cool Struggling Outcast

    I stay inside my room.
    All I do is rue.
    Another couch potato
    With nothing to do.

    Waiting for fun
    To knock on my door.
    My life seems off course.
    Life has no remorse.

    Everything seems like a drag
    When nobody seems to notice.
    Nobody cares
    About what I endure.

    Pompous people
    picking on the meek.
    Hindering hustlers
    hoarding the things I seek.

    What have I done
    To make you mock me?
    What have I done
    To make you hate me?

    I never wanted any of that.
    So why do I have to suffer?
    Great animosity building up inside.
    But, in the end, I just hide.

  2. #2
    Otaku Inuruto is off to a good start Inuruto's Avatar
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    Re: Struggling Outcast

    This is a fresh piece of work right here... I love the rhyming core you have, but the thought of this poem is brilliant... Maybe cause it seems like this poem was written about me *no I am not that conceited* ^_^ from the start til the end describes my persona'... This indeed was a good read...

    The last stanza though made the poem complete... ^_^

    The heart can't lie... Truth is... I love you!!!

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    Tano-kun (Aug 11, 2008)

  4. #3
    Otaku Shadowfantasy4 may be famous one day Shadowfantasy4 may be famous one day Shadowfantasy4's Avatar
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    Re: Struggling Outcast

    I think this is a great piece i would change a few words around, like "waiting for fun" i would maybe write Waiting for compassion but thats just me i really liked it but i feel kind of sad after reading it.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Shadowfantasy4 For This Useful Post:

    Tano-kun (Aug 11, 2008)

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