Suicide's Picture

Shinigami's_Angel · Dec 27, 2006, 12:12 AM

Here's a song that I just wrote tonight.My cuz told me that her bf broke up with her and it brought back sad feelings of my own.So I thought why not write about it to make us feel better.

Sorry if it's a bit long,but please read and comment.Thank you *bows*

Suicide's Picture

As I fall into dispair,I cry silently to myself
I scream for you,But it falls on deaf ears
Please wont you look at me,Wont you hold me?
Why must I cry and scream till I bleed!...

"Save Me"

Oh,Why wont heaven open it's doors to me?
Is it not my time,Or is God just playing with me?
Why must I go through such tourture,Just to please you?
Why was I even born to begin with?!...

"Help Me"

As I cut again,I watch the blood spill forth into the water
I lay there,As my blood consumes and becoms one with the water
My tears slide down my face,As I cry out your name
I cry for you,But you don't come to my aid!...

"Stop Me"

God why must you do this to me,What have I ever done wrong?
I tryed my best to please him,But it was never enough
I became what he wanted me to be,Sadly he just up and left me for another
What must I do to stop the pain,What can I do?!...

"Free Me"

I cut each night,As I think of you
I can no longer feel the pain,I'm so numb now
I feel nothing anymore,Tears just fall as I stare at your picture
Everything begins to blur,All is fadeing to darkness!...

"Falling"

I wanted to believe that you would have returned to me,But that was just wishful thinking
I see your face everytime I close my eyes.You even haunt me in my dreams
Why did I have to fall so hard for you,Why did you have to leave me?
Why was I left all alone again?...

"Answer Me"

Love Me,Hold Me
Choke Me,Cut Me
Kiss Me,Believe in Me
Kill Me,Set Me Free!...

"Release Me"

As I fall into dispair,I cry silently to myself
I scream for you,But it falls on deaf ears
Please wont you look at me,Wont you hold me?
Why must I cry and scream till I bleed!...

"Save Me Darlin"

As I cut again,I watch the blood spill forth into the water
I lay there,As my blood consumes and becoms one with the water
My tears slide down my face,As I cry out your name
I cry for you,But you don't come to my aid!...

"Stop Me Before It Happens Again"

I slice myself with the blade again,And watch the flesh tear
Blood pours from my vains,I begin to sway
I step into the water and let it pour
I take your picture into my hands and whisper my last prayer...

"For I can no longer pretend,Not anymore!..."

Love Me,Hold Me
Choke Me,Cut Me
Kiss Me,Believe in Me
Kill Me,Set Me Free!...

"Release Me,Finally!.."

Soldat of life · Dec 27, 2006, 12:38 AM

Quote:

I can longerr feel the pain,

a small mistake, should be written: "I can no longer feel the pain"

Quote:

And watch the flesh tear
Blood pours from my vains

This part describes in a bit too much detail, it could make a few poeple feel drousy.

All in all, this is as the tags imply a very dark manner of seeing things. Now that all these feelings are written down, try to find something positive in life. Find a movie to watch that only has simplistic childish beauty to bring things back up. Whenever I have a bad moment, I think it out, let my feelings pour out without involving anyone else except those who are willing to listen. Then I write something down and I guess if the person who hurt you won't listen or understand, only time can heal the wound, never fully, but enough to let your life go on.

Nicely written, but a bit repetitive, even if a song repeats itself, I prefer changing verses and slight modifications in the choir, though that's my personal taste

Shinigami's_Angel · Dec 27, 2006, 12:44 AM

Thanks for pointing that of for me.I guess I over looked that but it's fixed now.Oh? Sorry about that as well.I just thought that I should write what I was feeling at the moment,that's all.But thank you for the advice though.

BlueFox1 · Dec 27, 2006, 04:24 AM

Angel this is an awesome song! You emotions running through every line is amazing! I can feel each word of the song and I'm actually singing to it right now!

I will forever and always be your #1 fan!

MY ANGEL ROCKS!!!

Shinigami's_Angel · Dec 27, 2006, 11:03 PM

Thank you soooooooooooooooooooo much Fox!!!! *gives you a big hug*

I'm soooo very happy that you liked my new song!!

YAY!!! I'm soooo happy!! *jumps up and down*

silentangel · Dec 29, 2006, 06:46 PM

Hmm..I'm sorry to hear that but what you've written is very good though it has a few little spelling errors. Other than that I just wana say that I like how you built the concept and put it into a song but I really hope the lyrics weren't true...Sometimes its not worth hurting yourself for others and this song should somehow, you know, deter others from feeling like this... It does have the points where the the guy left with no remorse at all, but it doesn't mean the girl should hurt herself...at least not for someone so worthless and uncaring...But who's to say I'm right or wrong. I do hope you and your friend is well by now.

Shinigami's_Angel · Dec 30, 2006, 11:33 PM

Thank you soooo very much silentangel!!! *hugs*

I'm glad that you liked it.

Oh and sorry about the spelling errors,guess I must have missed them lol.Oh and don't worry.My lyrics aren't true,well the cutting and all anyway lol.I just wrote it like that cause that was what me and my cuz were feeling at the time.But we're all better now though.After getting it off our chests we feel awhole lot better now.So no worries lol.

kimchi24 · Jan 01, 2007, 12:59 AM

im sorry but this seems like lyrics to a song.
try making a song with it...
its a lot harder than u think

FLawEdmiNd · Jan 01, 2007, 02:11 PM

Y'know, this is a pretty good poem, one thing is bothering me a little though, right near the end you start recycling lines. It adds to the poem in a way but aside from that it doesn't really fit, this is however, only my opinion.

If this is a song, please disregard everything I've said.

BlueFox1 · Jan 01, 2007, 07:01 PM

Shini: Your song still rocks, because you wrote it and it also lets us know how you feel when you wrote the song! You truly are a great song writer! Happy New Year Angel!

Shinigami's_Angel · Jan 01, 2007, 10:47 PM

@ kimchi24-Well this is a Song! It is not a peom.I do not write poems,only Songs! I stated when I wrote this that it was a Song!

@ FLawEdmiNd-No this is not a poem.This is a song.But thank you for the comment though.

@ BlueFox1-Thank you soooo very much again Fox!! *hugs*

Your the best!!!

Dec 27, 2006, 12:12 AM	#1 (permalink)
Shinigami's_Angel In The Arms Of My Lover Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: In Axel's Closet!! watch's him sleep XD Posts: 687 Thanks: 40 Thanked 7 Times in 6 Posts Credits: 3,351	Suicide's Picture Here's a song that I just wrote tonight.My cuz told me that her bf broke up with her and it brought back sad feelings of my own.So I thought why not write about it to make us feel better. Sorry if it's a bit long,but please read and comment.Thank you bows Suicide's Picture As I fall into dispair,I cry silently to myself I scream for you,But it falls on deaf ears Please wont you look at me,Wont you hold me? Why must I cry and scream till I bleed!... "Save Me" Oh,Why wont heaven open it's doors to me? Is it not my time,Or is God just playing with me? Why must I go through such tourture,Just to please you? Why was I even born to begin with?!... "Help Me" As I cut again,I watch the blood spill forth into the water I lay there,As my blood consumes and becoms one with the water My tears slide down my face,As I cry out your name I cry for you,But you don't come to my aid!... "Stop Me" God why must you do this to me,What have I ever done wrong? I tryed my best to please him,But it was never enough I became what he wanted me to be,Sadly he just up and left me for another What must I do to stop the pain,What can I do?!... "Free Me" I cut each night,As I think of you I can no longer feel the pain,I'm so numb now I feel nothing anymore,Tears just fall as I stare at your picture Everything begins to blur,All is fadeing to darkness!... "Falling" I wanted to believe that you would have returned to me,But that was just wishful thinking I see your face everytime I close my eyes.You even haunt me in my dreams Why did I have to fall so hard for you,Why did you have to leave me? Why was I left all alone again?... "Answer Me" Love Me,Hold Me Choke Me,Cut Me Kiss Me,Believe in Me Kill Me,Set Me Free!... "Release Me" As I fall into dispair,I cry silently to myself I scream for you,But it falls on deaf ears Please wont you look at me,Wont you hold me? Why must I cry and scream till I bleed!... "Save Me Darlin" As I cut again,I watch the blood spill forth into the water I lay there,As my blood consumes and becoms one with the water My tears slide down my face,As I cry out your name I cry for you,But you don't come to my aid!... "Stop Me Before It Happens Again" I slice myself with the blade again,And watch the flesh tear Blood pours from my vains,I begin to sway I step into the water and let it pour I take your picture into my hands and whisper my last prayer... "For I can no longer pretend,Not anymore!..." Love Me,Hold Me Choke Me,Cut Me Kiss Me,Believe in Me Kill Me,Set Me Free!... "Release Me,Finally!.." __________________ Made by- Ryomakurosaki (Thank you sooooo much!!) ^__^ Last edited by Soldat of life; Dec 27, 2006 at 12:53 AM. Reason: You forgot the "no" in "I can longer feel the pain" ;)
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Dec 27, 2006, 12:44 AM	#3 (permalink)
Shinigami's_Angel In The Arms Of My Lover Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: In Axel's Closet!! watch's him sleep XD Posts: 687 Thanks: 40 Thanked 7 Times in 6 Posts Credits: 3,351	Re: Suicide's Picture Thanks for pointing that of for me.I guess I over looked that but it's fixed now.Oh? Sorry about that as well.I just thought that I should write what I was feeling at the moment,that's all.But thank you for the advice though. __________________ Made by- Ryomakurosaki (Thank you sooooo much!!) ^__^
Status: Offline

Dec 27, 2006, 04:24 AM	#4 (permalink)
BlueFox1 Upcoming Legend Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: A place called Midnight Sun know as Tranquility Posts: 584 Thanks: 8 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts Credits: 1,176	Re: Suicide's Picture Angel this is an awesome song! You emotions running through every line is amazing! I can feel each word of the song and I'm actually singing to it right now! I will forever and always be your #1 fan! MY ANGEL ROCKS!!! __________________
Status: Offline

Dec 27, 2006, 11:03 PM	#5 (permalink)
Shinigami's_Angel In The Arms Of My Lover Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: In Axel's Closet!! watch's him sleep XD Posts: 687 Thanks: 40 Thanked 7 Times in 6 Posts Credits: 3,351	Re: Suicide's Picture Thank you soooooooooooooooooooo much Fox!!!! gives you a big hug I'm soooo very happy that you liked my new song!! YAY!!! I'm soooo happy!! jumps up and down __________________ Made by- Ryomakurosaki (Thank you sooooo much!!) ^__^
Status: Offline

Dec 29, 2006, 06:46 PM	#6 (permalink)
silentangel Newbie Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: USA Posts: 6 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 110	Re: Suicide's Picture Hmm..I'm sorry to hear that but what you've written is very good though it has a few little spelling errors. Other than that I just wana say that I like how you built the concept and put it into a song but I really hope the lyrics weren't true...Sometimes its not worth hurting yourself for others and this song should somehow, you know, deter others from feeling like this... It does have the points where the the guy left with no remorse at all, but it doesn't mean the girl should hurt herself...at least not for someone so worthless and uncaring...But who's to say I'm right or wrong. I do hope you and your friend is well by now.
Status: Offline

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Dec 30, 2006, 11:33 PM	#7 (permalink)
Shinigami's_Angel In The Arms Of My Lover Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: In Axel's Closet!! watch's him sleep XD Posts: 687 Thanks: 40 Thanked 7 Times in 6 Posts Credits: 3,351	Re: Suicide's Picture Thank you soooo very much silentangel!!! hugs I'm glad that you liked it. Oh and sorry about the spelling errors,guess I must have missed them lol.Oh and don't worry.My lyrics aren't true,well the cutting and all anyway lol.I just wrote it like that cause that was what me and my cuz were feeling at the time.But we're all better now though.After getting it off our chests we feel awhole lot better now.So no worries lol. __________________ Made by- Ryomakurosaki (Thank you sooooo much!!) ^__^
Status: Offline

Jan 01, 2007, 12:59 AM	#8 (permalink)
kimchi24 Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Sep 2006 Posts: 150 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 818	Re: Suicide's Picture im sorry but this seems like lyrics to a song. try making a song with it... its a lot harder than u think __________________ I praise the one who is able to win it all and still live for it...[/CENTER
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Jan 01, 2007, 02:11 PM	#9 (permalink)
FLawEdmiNd Otaku Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: winnipeg Posts: 455 Thanks: 1 Thanked 8 Times in 8 Posts Credits: 7,854	Re: Suicide's Picture Y'know, this is a pretty good poem, one thing is bothering me a little though, right near the end you start recycling lines. It adds to the poem in a way but aside from that it doesn't really fit, this is however, only my opinion. If this is a song, please disregard everything I've said. __________________ THE EXAMiNED LiFE
Status: Offline

Jan 01, 2007, 07:01 PM	#10 (permalink)
BlueFox1 Upcoming Legend Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: A place called Midnight Sun know as Tranquility Posts: 584 Thanks: 8 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts Credits: 1,176	Re: Suicide's Picture Shini: Your song still rocks, because you wrote it and it also lets us know how you feel when you wrote the song! You truly are a great song writer! Happy New Year Angel! __________________
Status: Offline

Jan 01, 2007, 10:47 PM	#11 (permalink)
Shinigami's_Angel In The Arms Of My Lover Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: In Axel's Closet!! watch's him sleep XD Posts: 687 Thanks: 40 Thanked 7 Times in 6 Posts Credits: 3,351	Re: Suicide's Picture @ kimchi24-Well this is a Song! It is not a peom.I do not write poems,only Songs! I stated when I wrote this that it was a Song! @ FLawEdmiNd-No this is not a poem.This is a song.But thank you for the comment though. @ BlueFox1-Thank you soooo very much again Fox!! hugs Your the best!!! __________________ Made by- Ryomakurosaki (Thank you sooooo much!!) ^__^
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