+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 6 of 6

Thread: The Sun of A New Day

  1. #1
    Golden Crypt Lord James Bunny Champion, Leaf Bouncer Champion, Flying Pengus Champion, Jungle Jumble Champion, Hungry Hippaul Champion LichGRIFFIN may be famous one day LichGRIFFIN's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Realm of Dark Illusions
    Posts
    1,372
    Thanks
    61
    Thanked 46 Times in 43 Posts

    The Sun of A New Day

    Waking up the morning .. thinking the same as everyday.
    Nothing has changed .. today is just yesterday ..
    Hoping to fill the void to break the darkness in any way.
    Walking my destined path "nothing is impossible" that's what i always say.

    Running in an endless pursuit of a fake light.
    Until the day i decided to stand and fight.
    Stopping .. waiting .. thinking about what's right ...
    Huh? it was only me .. for i corrupted hope with a dominating failure blight.
    At last the emptiness is ended .. the day is no longer the same nor the night ...
    How couldn't i see that clear before? that bright?
    I only needed to confront myself didn't need to be a hero nor a knight.

    Waking again ... looking at the window .. the birds that flew.
    Feeling the fresh air .. the wind that blew.
    It felt different .. the picture of freedom that my imagination drew.

    It's dark again ... what? it's two o'clock!
    Eh? it was a dream that i from woke.
    It hurts .. my head is as heavy as a rock.
    "That's right" remembering now .. that chain that i already broke
    "Such old days" i thought ... "but now time to sleep not to work!"
    The morning after .. heading to work ,thinking "for a better tomorrow" as i walk.
    Life and Death are always one and the same
    EVEN IF A RAINBOW IS BROKEN THERE'S STILL THE SKY

  2. #2
    Legendary Otaku divine_punishment may be famous one day divine_punishment may be famous one day divine_punishment's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Good question . . . where am I?
    Posts
    1,170
    Thanks
    22
    Thanked 26 Times in 21 Posts

    Re: The Sun of A New Day

    Watch out for sentence fragments. They're all right in poems, just be sure to use the proper punctuation.

    I love the imagery. The mundaneness (awesome word, eh?) of the first stanza and the progression to hope and then back to darkness . . . Very nice.

  3. #3
    NalaMidnight Eggs Champion P.R. Princess may be famous one day P.R. Princess may be famous one day P.R. Princess's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Virginia
    Posts
    929
    Thanks
    6
    Thanked 20 Times in 19 Posts

    Re: The Sun of A New Day

    mm I like it I liked how you had each stanza have its own rhyme but the only problem I had is that the last line kinda threw me off.

    Since it didn't really rhyme it was if you were trying to hard on the last line.

    But over all it is really good and I agree with divine_punishment
    the imagry is great.
    and love the choice of words and the way you worded things.

    Very good job. Keep it up.^_^
    Last edited by aceman67; Nov 29, 2007 at 03:05 AM. Reason: Use a font color that can actually be read by others.

    ~Falling in love one step at a time~
    ~ MYSPACE~AWESOME PLACE TO SAVE~

  4. #4
    Golden Crypt Lord James Bunny Champion, Leaf Bouncer Champion, Flying Pengus Champion, Jungle Jumble Champion, Hungry Hippaul Champion LichGRIFFIN may be famous one day LichGRIFFIN's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Realm of Dark Illusions
    Posts
    1,372
    Thanks
    61
    Thanked 46 Times in 43 Posts

    Re: The Sun of A New Day

    Quote Originally Posted by P.R. Princes View Post
    mm I like it I liked how you had each stanza have its own rhyme but the only problem I had is that the last line kinda threw me off.

    Since it didn't really rhyme it was if you were trying to hard on the last line.

    But over all it is really good and I agree with divine_punishment
    the imagry is great.
    and love the choice of words and the way you worded things.

    Very good job. Keep it up.^_^
    Quote Originally Posted by divine_punishment View Post
    Watch out for sentence fragments. They're all right in poems, just be sure to use the proper punctuation.

    I love the imagery. The mundaneness (awesome word, eh?) of the first stanza and the progression to hope and then back to darkness . . . Very nice.
    thank you very much ... well this one was somehow hard to make ... cuz sadness, love are always the biggest of motivations to write poems but this one i wanted to show other things than the ones usually showed (love ,hate ,sorrow ... etc.) i wanted to do something different .. but as i see people here are attracted more to the usual types ... anyway i'm thankful for your wonderful comments ^^
    Life and Death are always one and the same
    EVEN IF A RAINBOW IS BROKEN THERE'S STILL THE SKY

  5. #5
    Rawr~ :3 Boxteroid Champion, flyplane Champion, Home Run Champion, Bubbelfutsch Champion, Fire Fighter Champion, Brendans Soccer Champion, Movie Star Match-Up Champion, Total blackout Champion, Text Your Reflexes Champion, Scary movie Champion, Hulk Smash Up Champion, Star Wars Champion, Extreme Snowboarding Champion, Air Disc Champion, Action Fish Champion, A Game Of 3 Halves Champion, Battleball Champion, Hacky Sack Champion, FAD 2003 Champion, SQRL Golf Champion, Dr Yeckyl and Mr Ride Champion, Sky Glide Champion, Flyer Champion, Finnair Champion, Drachenjagd Champion, Canyon Glider Champion, City Surfing Champion, Action Driving Game Champion, Extreme Rowing Champion, Kardahdg Champion, Acceleracers Track Mod Champion, Final Test Champion, Du Wichtel Champion, Pedal Power Champion, Camera Killer 2 Champion, Bike Mania on ICE Champion, ATV Winter Challenge Champion, Caliber Dash Champion, Diesel and Death Champion, Snow Ride Champion, Camera Killer Champion, Pepsi Jet Ski Champion, Bumper Cars Championship Champion, Drifting Champion, Get A Grip Champion, Rooney on the Rampage Champion, Death To Ninja Champion, Kung Fu Hustle 2 Champion, Muay Thai Champion, Metal Arm FAWEGE Champion, Knife Champion, Classroom Fighter Champion, Nobuyuki Forces 3 Champion, Caddeva Champion, Sewer Dweller Champion, Angel Mart Champion, Snowy Champion, Bola Champion, Boiler Room Champion, Bobcat Champion, Amazon Quest Champion, Booty Champion, Five Errors Champion, Mind Your Marbles Champion, Angel Fruit Champion, Binggrae Champion, Candy Shoot Champion, Imperial tiles Champion, Himalayaya - Yeti Strikes Back Champion, Terrorist Attack Champion, Americas Army Champion, Special Operations Champion, Destroy the robots Champion, Cubicle Warfare Champion, Battle Field Champion, Weapons Dealer Champion, Army Copter Champion, Flat War Champion, Terrorist Alert Champion, Bully Basher Champion, Reaktor Champion, Bungee Rescue Champion, The Contraptor Champion, Boris Champion, Carling Cold Champion, Paddleball Champion RayMe is making a name for themselves RayMe is making a name for themselves RayMe's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    Not somewhere I love but I am glad I have a home so far
    Posts
    3,804
    Thanks
    82
    Thanked 61 Times in 56 Posts

    Re: The Sun of A New Day

    wow.. this is a good work.. i did not expect it to be this good... very good job indeed...

    I love the rhymes on this poem...and... the imagery was put to good use...really goes with the theme... and i would suggest some methaphores to go with it..

    and hmm... i wonder why you picked this theme... must been such a boring life in your place maybe... mine is getting busier and busier everyday... @.@

    ermm...the feeling or emotion in this poem is pretty vague...

    Nice work... i like it.. i hope to see more

    Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!!
    I'm BACK AO!
    >>>facebook<<<

  6. #6
    Golden Crypt Lord James Bunny Champion, Leaf Bouncer Champion, Flying Pengus Champion, Jungle Jumble Champion, Hungry Hippaul Champion LichGRIFFIN may be famous one day LichGRIFFIN's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Location
    Realm of Dark Illusions
    Posts
    1,372
    Thanks
    61
    Thanked 46 Times in 43 Posts

    Re: The Sun of A New Day

    Quote Originally Posted by RayMe View Post
    wow.. this is a good work.. i did not expect it to be this good... very good job indeed...

    I love the rhymes on this poem...and... the imagery was put to good use...really goes with the theme... and i would suggest some methaphores to go with it..

    and hmm... i wonder why you picked this theme... must been such a boring life in your place maybe... mine is getting busier and busier everyday... @.@

    ermm...the feeling or emotion in this poem is pretty vague...

    Nice work... i like it.. i hope to see more
    thanx for the comment ... it's boring in my place indeed @.@ ... i guess that was the first motivation for me to write this ... but college starts next week so i think it won't be like that for long ^^ ....
    Life and Death are always one and the same
    EVEN IF A RAINBOW IS BROKEN THERE'S STILL THE SKY

+ Reply to Thread

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts