Waking up the morning .. thinking the same as everyday.
Nothing has changed .. today is just yesterday ..
Hoping to fill the void to break the darkness in any way.
Walking my destined path "nothing is impossible" that's what i always say.
Running in an endless pursuit of a fake light.
Until the day i decided to stand and fight.
Stopping .. waiting .. thinking about what's right ...
Huh? it was only me .. for i corrupted hope with a dominating failure blight.
At last the emptiness is ended .. the day is no longer the same nor the night ...
How couldn't i see that clear before? that bright?
I only needed to confront myself didn't need to be a hero nor a knight.
Waking again ... looking at the window .. the birds that flew.
Feeling the fresh air .. the wind that blew.
It felt different .. the picture of freedom that my imagination drew.
It's dark again ... what? it's two o'clock!
Eh? it was a dream that i from woke.
It hurts .. my head is as heavy as a rock.
"That's right" remembering now .. that chain that i already broke
"Such old days" i thought ... "but now time to sleep not to work!"
The morning after .. heading to work ,thinking "for a better tomorrow" as i walk.
Life and Death are always one and the sameEVEN IF A RAINBOW IS BROKEN THERE'S STILL THE SKY
Watch out for sentence fragments. They're all right in poems, just be sure to use the proper punctuation.
I love the imagery. The mundaneness (awesome word, eh?) of the first stanza and the progression to hope and then back to darkness . . . Very nice.
mm I like it I liked how you had each stanza have its own rhyme but the only problem I had is that the last line kinda threw me off.
Since it didn't really rhyme it was if you were trying to hard on the last line.
But over all it is really good and I agree with divine_punishment
the imagry is great.
and love the choice of words and the way you worded things.
Very good job. Keep it up.^_^
Last edited by aceman67; Nov 29, 2007 at 02:05 AM. Reason: Use a font color that can actually be read by others.
Originally Posted by P.R. Princes
thank you very much ... well this one was somehow hard to make ... cuz sadness, love are always the biggest of motivations to write poems but this one i wanted to show other things than the ones usually showed (love ,hate ,sorrow ... etc.) i wanted to do something different .. but as i see people here are attracted more to the usual types ... anyway i'm thankful for your wonderful comments ^^
Life and Death are always one and the sameEVEN IF A RAINBOW IS BROKEN THERE'S STILL THE SKY
wow.. this is a good work.. i did not expect it to be this good... very good job indeed...
I love the rhymes on this poem...and... the imagery was put to good use...really goes with the theme... and i would suggest some methaphores to go with it..
and hmm... i wonder why you picked this theme... must been such a boring life in your place maybe... mine is getting busier and busier everyday... @.@
ermm...the feeling or emotion in this poem is pretty vague...
Nice work... i like it.. i hope to see more
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thanx for the comment ... it's boring in my place indeed @.@ ... i guess that was the first motivation for me to write this ... but college starts next week so i think it won't be like that for long ^^ ....wow.. this is a good work.. i did not expect it to be this good... very good job indeed...
I love the rhymes on this poem...and... the imagery was put to good use...really goes with the theme... and i would suggest some methaphores to go with it..
and hmm... i wonder why you picked this theme... must been such a boring life in your place maybe... mine is getting busier and busier everyday... @.@
ermm...the feeling or emotion in this poem is pretty vague...
Nice work... i like it.. i hope to see more
Life and Death are always one and the sameEVEN IF A RAINBOW IS BROKEN THERE'S STILL THE SKY
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