+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: Sun Set

  1. #1
    Otaku Tetsanosuke Kirikami is off to a good start Tetsanosuke Kirikami's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Somewhere in ol'Michigan
    Thanked 13 Times in 13 Posts

    Sun Set

    The setting sun..
    Orange and red always to run
    Across our ocean skies

    Scattered and tattered
    Seamless to matter
    As the calling sings to our eyes

    Drawn we are
    To the blue skins scar
    Where darkness comes to light

    As beautiful a hue
    Beautiful as could be inside you
    Bathed in warmth until the night

    "Walk in with Reason, and leave with Passion."

  2. #2
    You's Trollin Pro Leafblower Champion, Helicopter Champion ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Thanked 38 Times in 36 Posts

    Re: Sun Set

    That was a very interesting short poem. It pretty much described the purpose of that yellow ball we se every day rising in the horizon. Keep it up man.

  3. #3
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    In a Demon's Arms
    Thanked 39 Times in 36 Posts

    Re: Sun Set

    Well this was nice and I must say the descriptions were good enough to make me imagine those things and the word use is very fine too. But... I didn't like the fact that I could feel that you have tried very hard to make it rhyme, it makes reading it... not so nice. Rhymes are not the most important thing, the feeling is more important. And the flow too... the stranzas are so short that I felt like jumping all the time and not lying, watching the sunset...

    Well I hope to see more, k? ^^ Nice work nevertheless...

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

+ Reply to Thread


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts