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Nov 29, 2007, 04:35 PM
| #1 (permalink) |
| Otaku  Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: Somewhere in ol'Michigan
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 | Sun Set The setting sun.. Orange and red always to run Across our ocean skies Scattered and tattered Seamless to matter As the calling sings to our eyes Drawn we are To the blue skins scar Where darkness comes to light As beautiful a hue Beautiful as could be inside you Bathed in warmth until the night
__________________  "Walk in with Reason, and leave with Passion." |
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Nov 30, 2007, 08:15 AM
| #2 (permalink) |
 You's Trollin  Join Date: Apr 2005
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| Re: Sun Set That was a very interesting short poem. It pretty much described the purpose of that yellow ball we se every day rising in the horizon. Keep it up man.
__________________ O o /Ż/___________________________ ________ IM'MA FIRIN' MAH LAZERZ! IBLAAAAAAA! \_\ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ Ż ŻŻŻŻŻŻŻ |
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Nov 30, 2007, 03:38 PM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Angelic  Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: In a Demon's Arms
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| Re: Sun Set Well this was nice and I must say the descriptions were good enough to make me imagine those things and the word use is very fine too. But... I didn't like the fact that I could feel that you have tried very hard to make it rhyme, it makes reading it... not so nice. Rhymes are not the most important thing, the feeling is more important. And the flow too... the stranzas are so short that I felt like jumping all the time and not lying, watching the sunset... Well I hope to see more, k? ^^ Nice work nevertheless... |
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