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Thread: Sun Set

  1. #1
    Otaku Tetsanosuke Kirikami is off to a good start Tetsanosuke Kirikami's Avatar
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    Sun Set

    The setting sun..
    Orange and red always to run
    Across our ocean skies

    Scattered and tattered
    Seamless to matter
    As the calling sings to our eyes

    Drawn we are
    To the blue skins scar
    Where darkness comes to light

    As beautiful a hue
    Beautiful as could be inside you
    Bathed in warmth until the night

    "Walk in with Reason, and leave with Passion."

  2. #2
    You's Trollin Pro Leafblower Champion, Helicopter Champion ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro's Avatar
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    Re: Sun Set

    That was a very interesting short poem. It pretty much described the purpose of that yellow ball we se every day rising in the horizon. Keep it up man.

  3. #3
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: Sun Set

    Well this was nice and I must say the descriptions were good enough to make me imagine those things and the word use is very fine too. But... I didn't like the fact that I could feel that you have tried very hard to make it rhyme, it makes reading it... not so nice. Rhymes are not the most important thing, the feeling is more important. And the flow too... the stranzas are so short that I felt like jumping all the time and not lying, watching the sunset...

    Well I hope to see more, k? ^^ Nice work nevertheless...

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

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