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Thread: Sweet Whispers, Rushing Fate

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    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Sweet Whispers, Rushing Fate

    "Critcism wanted."

    This poem came came to me right after my Prognastication. I sure hope you enjoy it.

    Restless eyes close to a dimmed world,
    Filled with the cloudy stirrings of life.
    Open ears hear the sweet whispers
    From walls that are silent no longer.

    The soft murmurs are captured,
    Yet not understood by the mind.
    Forming incoherent events of past lives,
    The words stumble and crash into me.

    The droning walls of life speak to us,
    willing one to hear a tale.
    A satire of sweet promised hope,
    an urge to open tired eyes.
    Seduced by Flesh


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    Otaku Space Runner Champion HibikiLink may be famous one day HibikiLink may be famous one day HibikiLink's Avatar
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    Re: Sweet Whispers, Rushing Fate

    very interesting .... never was good at commenting on poems. Very nice poem

    Thanks alot Sasurihell and Kedar for the sigs and thanks Sammy 65 for the changing pics
    http://img137.imageshack.us/img137/1...icsclanhf5.gif[x/img]
    (just remove the "x" from the [x/img] tag!

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    AO shady bystander Comboling Champion bassdudez may be famous one day bassdudez may be famous one day bassdudez's Avatar
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    Re: Sweet Whispers, Rushing Fate

    Ok...... I gota be honest. I have no clue as to what the poem is about. Ill have to comment on this some other time......... going to meditate on the meaning first.

    Its full of very deep words though, but at the same time it almost feels like ur describing a baby, probably in a nonsuperficial sense.......

    If I was any close to the meaning, then Id say the poem is very well structured....... and its got a very deep meaning, that the readers have to unravel it word by word, then the whole picture will make sense........
    Last edited by bassdudez; Apr 09, 2006 at 05:18 AM.
    Kastelic's creation



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    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Sweet Whispers, Rushing Fate

    Quote Originally Posted by bassdudez
    Ok...... I gota be honest. I have no clue as to what the poem is about. Ill have to comment on this some other time......... going to meditate on the meaning first.

    Its full of very deep words though, but at the same time it almost feels like ur describing a baby, probably in a nonsuperficial sense.......
    I want my readers to interpret the poem in anyway they would like.
    Seduced by Flesh


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    AO shady bystander Comboling Champion bassdudez may be famous one day bassdudez may be famous one day bassdudez's Avatar
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    Re: Sweet Whispers, Rushing Fate

    Quote Originally Posted by Kasai
    I want my readers ot interpret the poem in anyway they would like.
    Ah I see...... well, I must say that is very fascinating. The poem has shown many possible meanings to me..... Im still trying to figure out which one is the most relevant to you....... Ill be back ^_^

    Edit: Poem is very mysterious. Kind of foggy....... and still I dont fully understand what the poem is about. But nice use of adjectives...... the poem is very descriptive, in a dreamy sort of way, and the imagery formed was quite detailed.

    Although I dont completely understand this part.......
    A satire of sweet promised hope,
    an urge to open tired eyes.
    Im not sure exactly how the two statements connect......... although Im not exactly a poem expert......

    But its a really great poem. Especially the sort of cloudy and in-depth images
    Last edited by bassdudez; Apr 09, 2006 at 10:16 PM.
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    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Sweet Whispers, Rushing Fate

    Basically, a song of hope and an urge for humanity to open it's eyes and see the truth.

    Thank you for the wonderful criticism.
    Seduced by Flesh


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    AO shady bystander Comboling Champion bassdudez may be famous one day bassdudez may be famous one day bassdudez's Avatar
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    Re: Sweet Whispers, Rushing Fate

    Wow, I never realised that it had such a beautiful end........ thats brilliant ^^
    Ahh, everything makes better sense now........

    And no, its totally my pleasure ^_^ Its very refreshing to read poems rich with meaning
    Kastelic's creation



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    You's Trollin Pro Leafblower Champion, Helicopter Champion ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro's Avatar
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    Re: Sweet Whispers, Rushing Fate

    umm very interesting poem kasai, keep up the good work.

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