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Thread: Tears Won’t Come

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    Newbie friend_of_fish may be famous one day friend_of_fish may be famous one day friend_of_fish's Avatar
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    Tears Won’t Come

    Tears Won’t Come

    When they first told me
    Your end was almost here
    All I did was cry
    I couldn’t stop a single tear

    They said six months
    Till your sorrow filled end
    Less than a month
    A thought they didn’t even lend

    Now you’re gone
    Much too soon
    No time to get used to the idea
    Before you left within one moon

    Now those tears which once eagerly came
    Refuse to send a single drop
    To a girl who denies
    But the denial has to stop

    I need to cry to weep to sob
    But these tears just won’t come
    And every time someone says “You’re so brave.”
    It’s like being beaten like a drum

    I don’t want to be brave
    I don’t want to stand tall
    I want to sit on the couch
    And ball and ball and ball

    I’m not holding back
    No boundries to keep these tears at bay
    Except the voice inside that says:
    “He’s not gone he’s only a long ways away”

    When that voice accepts it I’ll finally cry
    The gates of denial will disappear
    And then the next thing I’ll know
    Is the salty taste of a much awaited tear


    __________________________________________
    For those who also read my poem"grandpa" these 2 poem are in alliance.

    I usually dislike sad poems but right now I'm quite sad so I wrote one and I don't think it's horrible. Hope others will like it too.
    Last edited by friend_of_fish; Jul 04, 2006 at 11:21 AM.
    WHATISTHATBIGLONGBUTTONONTHEBOTTOMOFTHEKEYBOREDFOR !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

  2. #2
    Otaku kenchi18 may be famous one day kenchi18 may be famous one day kenchi18's Avatar
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    Re: Tears Won’t Come

    Quote Originally Posted by friend_of_fish
    Tears Won’t Come

    When they first told me
    Your end was almost here
    All I did was cry
    I couldn’t stop a single tear

    They said six months
    Till your sorrow filled end
    Less than a month
    A thought they didn’t even lend

    Now you’re gone
    Much too soon
    No time to get used to the idea
    Before you left within one moon

    Now those tears which once eagerly came
    Refuse to send a single drop
    To a girl who denies
    But the denial has to stop

    I need to cry to weep to sob
    But these tears just won’t come
    And every time someone says “You’re so brave.”
    It’s like being beaten like a drum

    I don’t want to be brave
    I don’t want to stand tall
    I want to sit on the couch
    And ball and ball and ball

    I’m not holding back
    No foundries to keep these tears at bay
    Except the voice that says:
    “He’s not gone he’s only a long ways away”

    When that voice accepts it I’ll finally cry
    The gates of denial will disappear
    And then the next thing I’ll know
    Is the salty taste of a much awaited tear


    __________________________________________
    For those who also read my poem"grandpa" these 2 poem are in alliance.

    I usually dislike sad poems but right now I'm quite sad so I wrote one and I don't think it's horrible. Hope others will like it too.
    like your poem it has ring to it

  3. #3
    Cheetos Overlord jaderabbit may be famous one day jaderabbit may be famous one day jaderabbit's Avatar
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    Re: Tears Won’t Come

    removed other duplicate threads.-
    back ont opic now please.
    -Just another green eyed angel, distorted by mans love for hate-
    |THE INFAMOUS CHEETOS OVERLORD||IceNineKills|

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    Newbie friend_of_fish may be famous one day friend_of_fish may be famous one day friend_of_fish's Avatar
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    Re: Tears Won’t Come

    thank you jaderabbit and kenchi18
    WHATISTHATBIGLONGBUTTONONTHEBOTTOMOFTHEKEYBOREDFOR !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

  5. #5
    Otaku forever a dreamer may be famous one day forever a dreamer may be famous one day forever a dreamer's Avatar
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    Re: Tears Won’t Come

    that was very good- i almost cried reading that- i especially liked the end of it; and it does have a good flow to it
    You laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at you because your all the same.

    Thanks Hieislove for the siggy!

  6. #6
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    Re: Tears Won’t Come

    thanks forever a dreamer Im sorry it almost made you cry
    Last edited by friend_of_fish; Jul 04, 2006 at 11:19 AM.
    WHATISTHATBIGLONGBUTTONONTHEBOTTOMOFTHEKEYBOREDFOR !?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

  7. #7
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    Re: Tears Won’t Come

    It's a little rocky in places. I think if the first and third lines of each stanza rhymed, it might flow a little better, but that aside it's a beautiful poem. Very real, very down to earth, something I can understand if you catch my meaning. It was rough around the edges and I'd fix it up but I'm really out of it myself at the moment. The errors I found are nothing huge, but still noticeable. I'll point them out sometime maybe. Good poem, very deep.
    Writing is life again.

  8. #8
    Otaku Hitokiri Battousai may be famous one day Hitokiri Battousai may be famous one day
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    Re: Tears Won’t Come

    very good poem, i hope u dont be sad anymore

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