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Thread: Terror In The Darkness

  1. #1
    Lost In My Own World Fishing the Sea Champion, LastTank Standing Champion Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra's Avatar
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    Terror In The Darkness

    My hand bruhes against the cold cement
    My face tickled by my hair blowing in the breeze
    Looking out into the darkness coming from the woods
    My thoughts frozen in shock from what I see
    Who was it standing out there watching me
    Turning around and running for safety
    The footsteps I hear behind me getting louder
    I try and run faster yet with no success
    Feeling something shoving me
    Feeling myself falling forward hitting the ground
    Trying to crawl away but something pulling me back
    My clothes being torn at as I'm pulled against the hard ground
    Yet a bit of safety comes into mind
    Suddenly I'm being pulled out of it
    Realizing that it is only a dream
    The warmth of the sun shinning through the window hitting my face
    Waking me from the nightmare that my heart is keeping within
    A sigh crosses my lips as I open my eyes slowly and smile
    Thankful that it was only a dream and not reality
    Last edited by Ky-lyrra; Jan 16, 2007 at 03:31 AM. Reason: Typos Thanks Zui Quan for pointing them out
    ™Mommy To Micah And Shawn!™


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  2. #2
    M A S T E R Zui Quan may be famous one day Zui Quan may be famous one day Zui Quan's Avatar
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    Re: Terror In The Darkness

    Comment Number one: spell check, please.

    Comment Number two: Your lines pretty much all have the structure. Varying your word order will keep the reader's interest until the end.
    Clan? What Clan?
    I'm the Master. I need no Clan.

  3. #3
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Terror In The Darkness

    And punctuation! Sometimes punctution adds that much needed effect (flow) to the poem.
    Seduced by Flesh


  4. #4
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: Terror In The Darkness

    I like the poem, just a couple of suggestions on punctuation, and some misspelled words. Other those mistakes good job Ky-lyrra!

  5. #5
    Lost In My Own World Fishing the Sea Champion, LastTank Standing Champion Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra's Avatar
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    Re: Terror In The Darkness

    Ok what other spelling errors is there in this poem please be kind enough to point them out.
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    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: Terror In The Darkness

    correction my mistake, it seems that all the spelling mistakes were corrected. my apologies Ky-lyrra! Keep up the good work and I'm looking forward to more of you poems!

  7. #7
    Lost In My Own World Fishing the Sea Champion, LastTank Standing Champion Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra's Avatar
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    Re: Terror In The Darkness

    Even if they are choppy? As some people say to me about my other poem secret love.
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  8. #8
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: Terror In The Darkness

    I honestly do not see the so called choppyness in this poem, but then again it could be the way I look at it. I can actually see the event as it happens, because you have imagery in your poem! I have confidence in you that you can and are becoming a great writer! Look at my poems, I really don't get critiqued except from you, Angel, and Hellknight! Honestly keep up the good work Ky-lyrra!

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