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Thread: Thinking

  1. #1
    Otaku Chaos105 may be famous one day Chaos105 may be famous one day Chaos105's Avatar
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    Thinking

    Thinking

    Sitting here
    Staring into space
    You can’t tell what I’m thinking
    With this blank look on my face

    So then you look away
    Say “Eh, forget it.”
    But sooner or later
    You will regret it

    But you really want to know
    So I'll give a brief description
    I'll only say this once
    You better sharp up and listen

    I’m thinking of this plan
    A great one indeed
    Carefully thinking it out
    To make sure it succeeds

    Does it involve you?
    I only know
    But be sure prepared
    For this grand show

    So is it good or bad
    Will it send me to heaven or hell?
    Eh, who knows
    I’ll never tell

    This is only a fraction of my mind
    This might not even be it
    You have no idea what I'm thinking
    While I'm silent and at sit

    So then you turn back and ask me
    “About what are you thinking?”
    And I’ll respond with a smile,
    “Don’t worry, it’s nothing.”

    Writer's Notes: Well, I started writing poems a while ago. But not that much. I've got others but I'll start out with this one. (Yes, I know I rhymed "it" with itself. But I couldn't find another word...)

    They say, "I will die for my country." I never hear them say, "I will kill for my country."

  2. #2
    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Re: Thinking

    Quote Originally Posted by Chaos105 View Post

    I’m thinking of this plan
    A great one indeed
    Carefully thinking it out
    To make sure it succeeds

    Does it involve you?
    I only know
    But be sure prepared
    For this grand show

    So is it good or bad
    Will it send me to heaven or hell?
    Eh, who knows
    I’ll never tell
    Very mysterious indeed... However this part struck me as kinda, trenchcoat mafia-esque.... For lack of a better description. Almost like you were "thinking" of a hit list.
    ... Not Ever Again...

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    Otaku Bowling Champion Tifa Lockhart is off to a good start
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    Re: Thinking

    What I like most about this poem is the rhyming words. For further improvments, adding more descriptions would brighten your peom a little. Overall, this peom is okay. So keep up the good work. ^^

  4. #4
    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: Thinking

    Nice... I could really see it happening (and that's great)... reminded me of the book I'm reading now (but I think I like this poem even more than that book, becuase this is more realistic...)

    Anyways... great work with descriptions, great work with getting into somebodies mind... great indeed.... I like it very much and will be waiting for more from you... I think that I'll like your writing very well ^^

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

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