Thread: Thoughts running through my head (LONG)

Thoughts Running Through My Head

I’m scared and all alone
I hate being alone
I can’t take it
I hear voices when I’m alone
I want out
I can’t breath
I feel sick
My head feels as though its going to split
Too many things to think about
I try not to think
My brain wont shut off
Too many thoughts I guess
Too many bad things.
I’ve done too many things in my past
I’m sorry
But sorry doesn’t cut it
I’ve hurt too many people
I love Kyle more than anything else on earth
He is the only thing that keeps me going
If it wasn’t for him I couldn’t survive
He is my life, He is my world
He is my sanity
I cry
I cry deep inside
I can’t seem to let it out
I’ve failed
I’ve failed him
I’ve just plain failed
If I could only cry
I would feel much better
If I could only cry
I wouldn’t feel the way I do
I can’t think
My mind is like scrambled eggs
I’m just a nobody
Why can’t I do anything right
They say those who can’t trust can’t be trusted
Then does that mean I can’t be
I get mad
I get jealous
I get totally pissed off
I don’t get mad at him
I’m mad at myself
I hate myself
I’m worthless
I love him to death but I’m still jealous
Does that men I can’t be trusted
Who the **** knows
He doesn’t trust me
Does that me he can’t be trusted
Who the **** knows
I sure wish I could get some answers
I’m tired of living in the dark
God I wish someone could talk to me
I pray to you every night to make me a better person
Yet I am still not good enough
Is this as good as it gets
I suppose with my past I much deserve much worse
I don’t deserve what I have
I don’t deserve Kyle
He needs someone who can give him what he wants
He needs someone who will treat him good
He needs someone better than me
Why god, why are you punishing him for my mistakes
He is a wonderful person
Who hasn’t done anything wrong
Why do you punish him for my past life
I want to be so right for him
I want him to be proud of me
I want him to love me
I want him to always be there
But I push him away
My heart aches
I love him so much
All I want is for him to know
I love him
God I wish he was here
When he is gone I feel weird
I feel a part of me is missing
All the good is gone
He is my good
He is my happiness
Without him the bad takes over
I get mad
My heart aches
God I miss Him
He needed to go away I know this
I want him to go
And do his job
I want him to be happy
Sometimes I hope he would find someone
So I could hunt her down and kill hurt
No.. I don’t mean that
If it makes him happy to be with her
Then so be it
I have to stop
I’m getting mad
To think he is with someone else
God that pisses me off
But he needed to go
To blow off some steam
I love him very much
I love him so much
And all I want for him to do
Is know that I love him
And always will

-Dedicated to the one I am always thinking of and the one I miss so very much.. My your heart and soul know that I love you and that I'm waiting here for you. I love you always and forever-