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Thread: Threatening People

  1. #1
    Banned beast may be famous one day beast may be famous one day beast's Avatar
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    Threatening People

    They have said any person with ideas can be a threat,
    Sick of men coming and going, with no real changes.
    And if they be true I am the most dangerous yet.
    Through it all, young stays military recruits ages.
    Seeing that; I am a threat, write a check, it’s no bet.
    They spend money on everything except the truth.
    Time they pay for wasting our greatest asset, our youth.

  2. #2
    Newbie Japxican may be famous one day Japxican may be famous one day Japxican's Avatar
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    Re: Threatening People

    Awesome. I love your style. You're very good with rhyming, too, which is something I really don't have much talent for.
    "Through it all, young stays military recruits ages". I think you should add a possessive apostrophe to "recruits". Or just simply put "recruiting" instead.
    I don't understand why there's a semicolon after "seeing that". It feels like it should be continuous with the next phrase.

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    Banned beast may be famous one day beast may be famous one day beast's Avatar
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    Re: Threatening People

    The reason why I put weird punctuation in is to signal a stop. When there should be a pause but not a line break.

  4. #4
    Otaku Robo Soccer Champion, Gorillaz Groove Session Champion blackrose92 is off to a good start blackrose92's Avatar
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    Re: Threatening People

    that makes sense to me lol good job
    I'm the best you'll ever have because i am that f*ing AMA-zing chic who can stand on her own d*n feet and becasue of you I am the Greatest Thank you so much SasuraiHell and Gwen

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