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Thread: Thrice Friend

  1. #1
    Devoted Otaku Nympho may be famous one day Nympho may be famous one day Nympho's Avatar
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    Exclamation Thrice Friend

    Ok i dont know if this is too long i mean does it seem dragged out.
    how does it come across? is it boring? Please critique it for me. Keep in mind
    i dont use rhyme schemes i free verse


    I wish that every time I wanted you
    I could reach out to the stars
    And bring you close to me
    Touching earth with your company
    It would throb blue
    Beat outward
    Telling the universe of its adventure
    The whole world would shiver
    Then burn as we do
    Talking with the gods
    With the incredible high we exude
    Powers only given to the extraordinary
    Has been given to us
    Minds with limitless ponderisms
    Tongues as swords, hands as eyes
    The sight of worth, voice of objection
    Echoes of intrusion
    We are as white holes bleeding through black
    Trotting delicately across solid water
    I would sing a song for you
    Bring the world to dream
    Walk all over every foot of land
    Every blanket of snow
    I want you to taste infinity with me
    Standing at the edge the end of solid ground
    Crumbling as we look beyond
    The sounds start to weaken
    Rhythm of our venture fades to amber
    Like the tips of flame
    I’m beckoning you with no avail
    Blue has passed with the moon
    Shimmer back darling I murmur
    You become weightless
    I rest you next to the stars
    Saving you for our next voyage

    I'm a glass child. I am Hannah's regrets. Monster.

  2. #2
    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Re: Thrice Friend

    Nah, It wasn't too long... I mean, its length had a partnership with the concept of infinity which you mentioned in the poem. I found the end to be sweet too.
    Its like you want this devine forever... but you can only get it from time to time.

    Anyway, the image of this was awesome. Bravo! Encore! Encore!
    ... Not Ever Again...

  3. #3
    Devoted Otaku Nympho may be famous one day Nympho may be famous one day Nympho's Avatar
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    Re: Thrice Friend

    Thank you so much, i i actually changed it, because part of it
    didnt fit, and now i think it does!


    I wish that every time I wanted you
    I could reach out to the stars
    And bring you close to me
    Touching earth with your company
    It would throb blue
    Beat outward
    Telling the universe of its adventure
    The whole world would shiver
    Then burn as we do
    Talking with the gods
    With the incredible high we exude
    Powers only given to the extraordinary
    Has been given to us
    Minds with limitless ponderisms
    Tongues as swords, hands as eyes
    The sight of worth, voice of objection
    A resonate of interruption
    We are as white holes bleeding through black
    Trotting delicately across solid water
    I would sing a song for them
    Bring the world to dream
    Walk all over every foot of land
    Every blanket of snow
    I want you to taste infinity with me
    Standing at the edge, the end of solid ground
    Crumbling as we look beyond
    Your presence awakens thousands of journeys
    Sunk underneath my skin as old ships
    That have fallen through raging storms
    My body is so elevated
    My mood is shifted with sudden silence
    The sounds start to weaken
    Movement becomes slow and grey
    I’m beckoning you with no avail
    My lips break into a coma
    Blue has passed with the moon
    Shimmer back darling I murmur
    You become weightless
    Hands to the sky
    I rest you next to the stars
    Saving you for our next voyage

    I'm a glass child. I am Hannah's regrets. Monster.

  4. #4
    Banned Jamie5192 is off to a good start Jamie5192's Avatar
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    Re: Thrice Friend

    Oh i love it^^ it's so romantic and *sniffles* i think that is wonderful!

    Write some more so that i can read them^_^

  5. #5
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    Re: Thrice Friend

    Hmm..*nods* such imaginary... descriptive...and hopes... i love it ^^ truly a romantic piece and i agree with jamie ^^ i hope to read more of urs...

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    Àddïctëd tø |ăüghïñg :) Sonny Sunshine Champion, Volcano Champion, Aquarium Sprengischen Champion, Spiderman Web of Words Champion, Look Alive Champion iluvmyloser is off to a good start iluvmyloser's Avatar
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    Re: Thrice Friend

    *sniffles* romantic.....my favorite kind of poetry.very nice description.keep it ↑ and hope to see more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Yeah, Bye.

  7. #7
    Devoted Otaku Nympho may be famous one day Nympho may be famous one day Nympho's Avatar
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    Re: Thrice Friend

    lol everyone is crying! awe! Thats the best response ever!
    thank you so much, and i will post more <(o 0)>

    I'm a glass child. I am Hannah's regrets. Monster.

  8. #8
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    Re: Thrice Friend

    Its great to see you are back nympho with great work as ever.

    As Peach_lover says, then length of the poem goes with the contents within it. With the new version I especially like the part -

    Powers only given to the extraordinary
    Has been given to us
    Minds with limitless ponderisms
    Tongues as swords, hands as eyes
    The sight of worth, voice of objection
    A resonate of interruption
    We are as white holes bleeding through black

    Very discriptive and great use of words in this section. I hope to see more of your work Nympho
    FAVOURITE THREADS EXPLAIN why, or risk an infraction.
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