Thread: Till You

Originally Posted by PhoenixSara

I never knew what love really is,
til you smiled and made me believe again.

I didn't know how love makes me fly
til you look me in the eye.

I didn't know my heart knew to sing
Til you told that love was a wonderful thing.

I didn't know that my heart could die
Til you told me you have to say good bye.

I never knew i can feel such pain
Til the hurt felt like it would make me insane.

awes that sounds like some of the stuffs i write... most comes from expeirence and most comes from the sidelines

Originally Posted by PhoenixSara

I never knew what love really is,
til you smiled and made me believe again.

I didn't know how love makes me fly
til you look me in the eye.

I didn't know my heart knew to sing
Til you told that love was a wonderful thing.

I didn't know that my heart could die
Til you told me you have to say good bye.

I never knew i can feel such pain
Til the hurt felt like it would make me insane.

Your poem was really good but it lacked that certain natural flow that all good poems have, but i do have a suggestion for that, try writing like edgar alan poe which i dont mean become depressive and over dose on opium i mean write with longer stanzas so the flow forms better.

Originally Posted by abbadonboy333

Your poem was really good but it lacked that certain natural flow that all good poems have, but i do have a suggestion for that, try writing like edgar alan poe which i dont mean become depressive and over dose on opium i mean write with longer stanzas so the flow forms better.

This comment is from the perspective of someone who'sforgotten about the realtion of end stopped lines with enjambment.
They read to the end of the line stopped
read the next line and stopped.
When really, even all of this
is part of one continuing thought.
It's the punctuation within poetry
that makes you really stop,
not the lines.
The lines serve
to add emphasis,
giving
first and the last
words importance.

Sorry, I couldn't resist.

That is to say that I'm in favor of thinking that you've made a lovely little poem here. ^^ Well except for the fact that it is a little melancholy in that it's focusing on the pain of loss. It ends on a sad note. (Regardless I still like this.)
I think that this might be the feeling of "incomplete" that abbadon wanted instinctively to correct without being able to identify exactly what it was.

Gosh, I sound like a prick... I'm working on that though.
I'm sorry abbadon. I have a really bad habit of saying things bluntly but it just means that I respect you.

This is a good poem...one of those poem where you have a instant inspiration and you have to write something down or you will go insane...thats what this one seems like to me I have written a few like this and mine always suck lol.

nice poem.wow.it chills me to the bones.^^.very lovely.wish i could write poems like that.