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May 06, 2008, 11:34 AM
| #1 (permalink) |
 Devoted Otaku  Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: I am located in your imagination.....and dreams ***
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 Credits: 24,103 | Till You I never knew what love really is, til you smiled and made me believe again. I didn't know how love makes me fly til you look me in the eye. I didn't know my heart knew to sing Til you told that love was a wonderful thing. I didn't know that my heart could die Til you told me you have to say good bye. I never knew i can feel such pain Til the hurt felt like it would make me insane.
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May 07, 2008, 03:26 AM
| #2 (permalink) | |
 Diamond in the Rough  | Re: Till You Quote:
 that sounds like some of the stuffs i write... most comes from expeirence and most comes from the sidelines | |
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May 08, 2008, 09:57 AM
| #3 (permalink) | |
 Newbie | Re: Till You Quote:
Your poem was really good but it lacked that certain natural flow that all good poems have, but i do have a suggestion for that, try writing like edgar alan poe which i dont mean become depressive and over dose on opium i mean write with longer stanzas so the flow forms better. | |
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May 11, 2008, 03:20 PM
| #4 (permalink) | |
| Otaku  | Re: Till You Quote:
They read to the end of the line stopped read the next line and stopped. When really, even all of this is part of one continuing thought. It's the punctuation within poetry that makes you really stop, not the lines. The lines serve to add emphasis, giving first and the last words importance. Sorry, I couldn't resist. That is to say that I'm in favor of thinking that you've made a lovely little poem here. ^^ Well except for the fact that it is a little melancholy in that it's focusing on the pain of loss. It ends on a sad note. (Regardless I still like this.) I think that this might be the feeling of "incomplete" that abbadon wanted instinctively to correct without being able to identify exactly what it was. Gosh, I sound like a prick... I'm working on that though. I'm sorry abbadon. I have a really bad habit of saying things bluntly but it just means that I respect you.
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| The Following User Says Thank You to Corvus For This Useful Post: | PhoenixSara (May 19, 2008) |
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May 20, 2008, 03:13 PM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Devoted Otaku  Join Date: May 2008 Location: In the middle of nowhere aka wright city
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Credits: 13,442 | Re: Till You This is a good poem...one of those poem where you have a instant inspiration and you have to write something down or you will go insane...thats what this one seems like to me I have written a few like this and mine always suck lol.
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