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Thread: Till You

  1. #1
    Fallen Angel PhoenixSara may be famous one day PhoenixSara's Avatar
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    Till You


    I never knew what love really is,
    til you smiled and made me believe again.

    I didn't know how love makes me fly
    til you look me in the eye.

    I didn't know my heart knew to sing
    Til you told that love was a wonderful thing.

    I didn't know that my heart could die
    Til you told me you have to say good bye.

    I never knew i can feel such pain
    Til the hurt felt like it would make me insane.
    "In your arms is where i will be, I love you till my forever ends."
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  2. #2
    Otaku Stickicide 2 Champion starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036's Avatar
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    Re: Till You

    Quote Originally Posted by PhoenixSara View Post

    I never knew what love really is,
    til you smiled and made me believe again.

    I didn't know how love makes me fly
    til you look me in the eye.

    I didn't know my heart knew to sing
    Til you told that love was a wonderful thing.

    I didn't know that my heart could die
    Til you told me you have to say good bye.

    I never knew i can feel such pain
    Til the hurt felt like it would make me insane.
    awes that sounds like some of the stuffs i write... most comes from expeirence and most comes from the sidelines

  3. #3
    Newbie abbadonboy333 is off to a good start
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    Re: Till You

    Quote Originally Posted by PhoenixSara View Post

    I never knew what love really is,
    til you smiled and made me believe again.

    I didn't know how love makes me fly
    til you look me in the eye.

    I didn't know my heart knew to sing
    Til you told that love was a wonderful thing.

    I didn't know that my heart could die
    Til you told me you have to say good bye.

    I never knew i can feel such pain
    Til the hurt felt like it would make me insane.







    Your poem was really good but it lacked that certain natural flow that all good poems have, but i do have a suggestion for that, try writing like edgar alan poe which i dont mean become depressive and over dose on opium i mean write with longer stanzas so the flow forms better.

  4. #4
    Otaku Caixa 2006 Champion Corvus may be famous one day Corvus may be famous one day Corvus's Avatar
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    Re: Till You

    Quote Originally Posted by abbadonboy333 View Post
    Your poem was really good but it lacked that certain natural flow that all good poems have, but i do have a suggestion for that, try writing like edgar alan poe which i dont mean become depressive and over dose on opium i mean write with longer stanzas so the flow forms better.
    This comment is from the perspective of someone who'sforgotten about the realtion of end stopped lines with enjambment.
    They read to the end of the line stopped
    read the next line and stopped.
    When really, even all of this
    is part of one continuing thought.
    It's the punctuation within poetry
    that makes you really stop,
    not the lines.
    The lines serve
    to add emphasis,
    giving
    first and the last
    words importance.

    Sorry, I couldn't resist.

    That is to say that I'm in favor of thinking that you've made a lovely little poem here. ^^ Well except for the fact that it is a little melancholy in that it's focusing on the pain of loss. It ends on a sad note. (Regardless I still like this.)
    I think that this might be the feeling of "incomplete" that abbadon wanted instinctively to correct without being able to identify exactly what it was.

    Gosh, I sound like a prick... I'm working on that though.
    I'm sorry abbadon. I have a really bad habit of saying things bluntly but it just means that I respect you.

    ... and join my rebellion against time.

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  6. #5
    Child Of God Kiani Haki22 is off to a good start Kiani Haki22's Avatar
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    Re: Till You

    This is a good poem...one of those poem where you have a instant inspiration and you have to write something down or you will go insane...thats what this one seems like to me I have written a few like this and mine always suck lol.

  7. #6
    Otaku heartless is off to a good start
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    Re: Till You

    nice poem.wow.it chills me to the bones.^^.very lovely.wish i could write poems like that.
    sometimes i wish i never existed
    -heartless.DY-025

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