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Thread: Time Taken, The Unread Love Poem

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    Otaku MuMu Champion Shade/K' Heart may be famous one day Shade/K' Heart may be famous one day Shade/K' Heart's Avatar
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    Time Taken, The Unread Love Poem

    He took his bitter sweet time,
    reading over the love note that took,
    what seemed like an eternity,
    to jot down on a piece of,
    notebook paper,
    college rule.

    He took his bitter sweet time,
    taking it to her,
    and sliding it under her door,
    so that she'd soon know,
    that awaiting her,
    at the grandest ball of them all,
    was the man that she only wished,
    was the man that she could call,
    hers.

    He took his time,
    waiting and hoping,
    that she'd come there,
    so he could wrap his arms around her,
    and never be able to let her go.

    He took his time sipping the punch,
    knowing that he'd only have an hour left,
    before the party disbanded,
    and yet no sign of his true love.

    He took his time standing there,
    hours later...
    standing at the crevic of the cliff,
    only learning 10 minutes ago,
    and before she got home,
    her life had passed that day.

    He took his time looking out,
    into the stary night,
    as he cried his soul out,
    wishing that the driver had,
    only just missed her,
    instead of taking her head on.

    He took his time praying to God,
    for the forgiveness he'd need from this moment,
    that was going to take his life.

    He took his time knowing that he'd not love,
    that he'd never have her know in heaven,
    that the true love she'd always wanted,
    waited one day too late....

    Then....
    and only then...
    did you lean back.........

    ....He took his time falling.............


    -White Rose-

    Far be it for me to be anything special, when the only special thing I desire with me, is the special person I share my gifts with.

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    awesomeparty12 (Sep 10, 2008)

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    Newbie Kuinta is off to a good start
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    Re: Time Taken, The Unread Love Poem

    wow, this poem is awesome. It's so tragic that I can't find the words to express how sad this love story is. Not only does it have good desciptions and unconsistent rhyming lines, which is nice because it gets redundant if there's an obvious rhyme trend.

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    Newbie zefielyn is off to a good start
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    Re: Time Taken, The Unread Love Poem

    I think this has potential. For me, it would be better shorter to sort of contrast with length of time falling, plus giving the reader more time to reflect on the fall, which I assume is WHERE you want to reader to reflect. Maybe not "true love" but some sort of derivative because our present day society has cheapened the whole sentiment to a hallmark greeting, but a I think the line on college rule is just genius. Nice job.
    "So take a piece, but not too much."

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    Otaku MuMu Champion Shade/K' Heart may be famous one day Shade/K' Heart may be famous one day Shade/K' Heart's Avatar
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    Re: Time Taken, The Unread Love Poem

    The building was on the man's devotion, more than the fall actually. The fall, like many can be, was short like they can tend to be. When you were done reading it, it was pretty much over for the man anyway, which the poem reflected in the "seemingly premature" ending. Thanks for the comments however. I appreciated them very much.

    -White Rose, a.k.a. OC-

    Far be it for me to be anything special, when the only special thing I desire with me, is the special person I share my gifts with.

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    Otaku Robo Soccer Champion, Gorillaz Groove Session Champion blackrose92 is off to a good start blackrose92's Avatar
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    Re: Time Taken, The Unread Love Poem

    omg......this poem really makes me sad reading it...its really good dont get me wrong
    but its soo sad...but im afraid to ask...did you really feel that way.....not your character...did you?
    it was great...all your poems are great you are a magnificnet writter...it just made me really sad thats all.
    I'm the best you'll ever have because i am that f*ing AMA-zing chic who can stand on her own d*n feet and becasue of you I am the Greatest Thank you so much SasuraiHell and Gwen

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    awesomeparty12 (Sep 10, 2008)

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