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Thread: Times, Never Forgotten

  1. #1
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Times, Never Forgotten

    Please Do Not comment: If you are just going to say something such as, "cool" or "keep it up." I would like for the members of AO to use their brain and give me analytical criticism.

    Holding my lover...
    For the last time.

    The oxygen we breathe...
    Exhaled from his mouth.

    Each heart beat...
    A tad slower than the last.

    A flutter of his eyes...
    Sparkling with pain.

    Each tear that descends...
    Filled with misery.

    Holding my lover...
    For the last time.

    One final breath...
    And the beating stops.

    The eyes forever...
    Closed to darkness.

    The tears...
    Finally stop.

    Holding my lover...
    For the last time.

    I embrace the memories.


    Written by Kasai a.k.a. L.N. Freeman
    Seduced by Flesh


  2. #2
    Otaku pigtaru may be famous one day pigtaru may be famous one day pigtaru's Avatar
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    Re: Times, Never Forgotten

    This one wasn't as spicy as your other works. For me, it was yawny, as you would say, lol.

    I like the 2 line separations, but they made it hard to string together your thoughts and deflated the poem,

    o~Piggy-san~o

  3. #3
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Times, Never Forgotten

    Thank you. I remember writing the poem after a book I finished reading. I was all in my sappy mood.
    Seduced by Flesh


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