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May 25, 2006, 12:55 PM
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 Domme  Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Florida
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 Credits: 1,490 | Times, Never Forgotten Please Do Not comment: If you are just going to say something such as, "cool" or "keep it up." I would like for the members of AO to use their brain and give me analytical criticism. Holding my lover... For the last time. The oxygen we breathe... Exhaled from his mouth. Each heart beat... A tad slower than the last. A flutter of his eyes... Sparkling with pain. Each tear that descends... Filled with misery. Holding my lover... For the last time. One final breath... And the beating stops. The eyes forever... Closed to darkness. The tears... Finally stop. Holding my lover... For the last time. I embrace the memories. Written by Kasai a.k.a. L.N. Freeman
__________________ Seduced by Flesh  |
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May 25, 2006, 12:59 PM
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| Diamond in the Rough  Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Elk Grove, CA USA
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Credits: 171 | Re: Times, Never Forgotten This one wasn't as spicy as your other works. For me, it was yawny, as you would say, lol. I like the 2 line separations, but they made it hard to string together your thoughts and deflated the poem, 
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May 25, 2006, 01:00 PM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Domme Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Florida
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Credits: 1,490 | Re: Times, Never Forgotten Thank you. I remember writing the poem after a book I finished reading. I was all in my sappy mood.
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