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Thread: (Title needed) please help out guys

  1. #1
    Otaku Stickicide 2 Champion starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036's Avatar
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    Ode of a Tortured Soul

    For heaven sent.
    In heaven no more.
    Just crushed.
    Damned into the floor.

    Bent, beaten, and broken.
    She lays limp and still.
    Happiness he has taken.
    Her memory he will kill.

    Precious
    but not.
    He'll have left her,
    left her to rot.

    Her heart beats its final beat,
    his hand crushing her throat.
    her soul out of her reach,
    she'll soon approach.

    To him, one so mighty
    she floats away.
    Kiss upon her cheek,
    ever so slightly.

    He hurts you no more,
    unto me you'll stay.
    Out of your heart pain will pour,
    for he can't hurt you anymore.

    To heaven you will go,
    and there you will stay.
    To hell will go your father
    for taking your life away.
    Last edited by starfire1036; May 19, 2008 at 02:20 PM.

  2. #2
    God Of Angelz Submarine Champion, Rocket Racer MX Champion, Pencak Champion, Grand Prix Challenge 2 Champion, Twelve Swap Champion, Penguin Pass Champion, Crab Volleyball Champion, Hockey Shooter Champion, Trick Master Funky Champion, Mah-Jong Connect Champion, W.R.A.X. Champion dark1angel may be famous one day dark1angel's Avatar
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    Re: (Title needed) please help out guys

    Well the only title i can suggest is *Heaven's Strike*
    I really do enjoy into what you have inserted it gives of a good feeling, and also on how the wonderful perspective view gives of on what happens in the end.
    You have done a really great effort, although you may need to have more visual details since it was left out partly not much. I do wish to see more relating to this in the future.

    Magic intervenes when there is love in first sight.
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  3. #3
    Otaku Stickicide 2 Champion starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036's Avatar
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    Re: (Title needed) please help out guys

    Quote Originally Posted by dark1angel View Post
    Well the only title i can suggest is *Heaven's Strike*
    I really do enjoy into what you have inserted it gives of a good feeling, and also on how the wonderful perspective view gives of on what happens in the end.
    You have done a really great effort, although you may need to have more visual details since it was left out partly not much. I do wish to see more relating to this in the future.
    well i never intended for there to be visuals xD so that i cant help but i am glad u liked it... not quite the title i was looking for...

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    I'm all ears. Hassun has disabled reputation
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    Re: (Title needed) please help out guys

    I also suggest putting your poems in the right thread next time.

  5. #5
    Newbie FinalXepher is off to a good start FinalXepher's Avatar
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    Re: (Title needed) please help out guys

    i enjoyed this peom. but i really liked the last stanza

    To heaven you will go,
    and there you will stay.
    To hell will go your father
    for taking your life away.
    it gave a sorta "happiness" kind of feeling. if i were to give this a title, i would call it

    "Ode of a Tortured Soul"

    If this world is hell,
    then God is nicer than everyone thinks

  6. #6
    Otaku Haruko Haruhara is off to a good start Haruko Haruhara's Avatar
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    Re: (Title needed) please help out guys

    Its a beautiful poem, I think the name of it should be "Fallen" or "Fallen Angel", to give
    it a meaning to the Heaven reference in the poem.

  7. #7
    Otaku Stickicide 2 Champion starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036's Avatar
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    Re: (Title needed) please help out guys

    Quote Originally Posted by Haruko Haruhara View Post
    Its a beautiful poem, I think the name of it should be "Fallen" or "Fallen Angel", to give
    it a meaning to the Heaven reference in the poem.
    well lets see... i like it but it seems that i have already givin it a anme on my myspace page but thank you

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