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Thread: Tormented by You

  1. #1
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Exclamation Tormented by You

    It's been a while since I wrote a poem. writer's block really really bad, but I would greatly appreciate any comments!



    Tormented by You

    Our emotions explode and begin to flare like fire
    A gaping hole to hell opens in our hearts and we fall
    Memories of lost love start to fade into eternal darkness
    Like the sunlight as rain clouds cover and begin to form

    Your tears flow and begin to rush like a raging river
    I reach out to hold on to root which is my new life
    The passion we once shared now a never ending dream
    Like a soulful jazz song the music plays and life goes on

    Finally the endless waltz stops and my chains broken
    Leave the thought of us in the grave that you created
    Black roses sit on the tombstone with the memory of you
    Never more to think of the senseless mind games

    So go on with your life and let me live mine peacefully
    Put someone else in your field of your thorns to bleed
    Let their heart suffer the never ending misery they fear
    For you see if you look in the mirror the devil is right there

  2. #2
    Otaku fma1012 may be famous one day fma1012 may be famous one day fma1012's Avatar
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    Re: Tormented by You

    I love it, ^_^ it sounds like a story and a poem put together and its pretty good. Good job 9/10. Though it seem to be lacking something, but I don't know i'm not all that good myself.


    Thanks lifeforce! (:

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    Fish Fingers & Custard Ice Hockey Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Ant Tracks Champion, Jungle Hunt Champion, Madnetics Champion, Manole Champion, Blokken Champion, Fast Food Fiasco Champion, Shapes Hifters Champion, Mud and Blood: Vietnam Champion HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice's Avatar
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    Re: Tormented by You

    very awesome poem bro and the anger you put in it was really intence
    i loved ityou really are getting better at this
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

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    Sorrow's Angel Shinigami's_Angel may be famous one day Shinigami's_Angel may be famous one day Shinigami's_Angel's Avatar
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    Re: Tormented by You

    OMG!!!! That was amazing,wonderful,awesome!!! I can soooo relate 2 this,since a friend of mine went through something like that.The emotion in this poem is amazing!! Awesome job as always Fox!
    Made by- Ryomakurosaki (Thank you sooooo much!!) ^__^

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    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: Tormented by You

    Fma1012-Thanks Buddy for you awesome comment as always "You Rock!"

    HolderofTheDarkChalice-Bro you are always there when I need you and I appreciate every comment you've given me! Also if you ever need me I'll be there!

    Shinigami's_Angel-*Hugs Shini* Thank you Angel your comments and encouragement mean a lot to me if it wasn't for you I wouldn't have started writing poems! "My Shini is the Best!"

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    My Entity Is Unknown anime_being_god is making a name for themselves anime_being_god is making a name for themselves anime_being_god's Avatar
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    Re: Tormented by You

    Sounds like a big agrument packed into a poem, that takes skill to do something like that. So 10 out of 10 in my score book, great job!

    1st Sig finished 12-20-09

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    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: Tormented by You

    Anime_Being_God: Thanks for the awesome comment and rating my poem 10 out of 10! Now if only more people would read it that would be awesome!

  8. #8
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    Re: Tormented by You

    I have to admit, this is Free Verse done well, not an easy thing to do. it has a nice rythem to it
    No sig, and Hassun can suck my butt

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