Tormented by You

BlueFox1 · Dec 08, 2006, 08:27 AM

It's been a while since I wrote a poem. writer's block really really bad, but I would greatly appreciate any comments!

Tormented by You

Our emotions explode and begin to flare like fire
A gaping hole to hell opens in our hearts and we fall
Memories of lost love start to fade into eternal darkness
Like the sunlight as rain clouds cover and begin to form

Your tears flow and begin to rush like a raging river
I reach out to hold on to root which is my new life
The passion we once shared now a never ending dream
Like a soulful jazz song the music plays and life goes on

Finally the endless waltz stops and my chains broken
Leave the thought of us in the grave that you created
Black roses sit on the tombstone with the memory of you
Never more to think of the senseless mind games

So go on with your life and let me live mine peacefully
Put someone else in your field of your thorns to bleed
Let their heart suffer the never ending misery they fear
For you see if you look in the mirror the devil is right there

fma1012 · Dec 09, 2006, 11:37 AM

I love it, ^_^ it sounds like a story and a poem put together and its pretty good. Good job 9/10. Though it seem to be lacking something, but I don't know i'm not all that good myself.

*HolderOfTheDarkChalice* · Dec 09, 2006, 11:40 AM

very awesome poem bro and the anger you put in it was really intence
i loved ityou really are getting better at this

Shinigami's_Angel · Dec 09, 2006, 12:47 PM

OMG!!!! That was amazing,wonderful,awesome!!! I can soooo relate 2 this,since a friend of mine went through something like that.The emotion in this poem is amazing!! Awesome job as always Fox!

BlueFox1 · Dec 12, 2006, 12:40 PM

Fma1012-Thanks Buddy for you awesome comment as always "You Rock!"

HolderofTheDarkChalice-Bro you are always there when I need you and I appreciate every comment you've given me! Also if you ever need me I'll be there!

Shinigami's_Angel-*Hugs Shini* Thank you Angel your comments and encouragement mean a lot to me if it wasn't for you I wouldn't have started writing poems! "My Shini is the Best!"

*anime_being_god* · Dec 12, 2006, 12:54 PM

Sounds like a big agrument packed into a poem, that takes skill to do something like that. So 10 out of 10 in my score book, great job!

BlueFox1 · Dec 13, 2006, 10:34 AM

Anime_Being_God: Thanks for the awesome comment and rating my poem 10 out of 10! Now if only more people would read it that would be awesome!

Silver-wolfe · Dec 13, 2006, 09:15 PM

I have to admit, this is Free Verse done well, not an easy thing to do. it has a nice rythem to it

BlueFox1 · Dec 14, 2006, 08:04 AM

Silver-Wolfe: Thanks for the awesome comment! I must admit that writing this poem was definitely no easy task I just had to let my emotions run wild and flow with the words as they appeared in my mind!

Dec 08, 2006, 08:27 AM	#1 (permalink)
BlueFox1 Upcoming Legend Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: A place called Midnight Sun know as Tranquility Posts: 584 Thanks: 8 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts Credits: 1,176	Tormented by You It's been a while since I wrote a poem. writer's block really really bad, but I would greatly appreciate any comments! Tormented by You Our emotions explode and begin to flare like fire A gaping hole to hell opens in our hearts and we fall Memories of lost love start to fade into eternal darkness Like the sunlight as rain clouds cover and begin to form Your tears flow and begin to rush like a raging river I reach out to hold on to root which is my new life The passion we once shared now a never ending dream Like a soulful jazz song the music plays and life goes on Finally the endless waltz stops and my chains broken Leave the thought of us in the grave that you created Black roses sit on the tombstone with the memory of you Never more to think of the senseless mind games So go on with your life and let me live mine peacefully Put someone else in your field of your thorns to bleed Let their heart suffer the never ending misery they fear For you see if you look in the mirror the devil is right there __________________
Status: Offline

Dec 09, 2006, 11:37 AM	#2 (permalink)
fma1012 Diamond in the Rough Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: somewhere Posts: 470 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 1,823	Re: Tormented by You I love it, ^_^ it sounds like a story and a poem put together and its pretty good. Good job 9/10. Though it seem to be lacking something, but I don't know i'm not all that good myself. __________________ ThAnKs CaNdId FoR ThE SwEet SiG~
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Dec 09, 2006, 11:40 AM	#3 (permalink)
HolderOfTheDarkChalice Tournaments Won: 1 King Of Darkness Join Date: May 2006 Location: someplace where the only light is the moon above Posts: 2,797 Thanks: 21 Thanked 21 Times in 20 Posts Credits: 3,320	Re: Tormented by You very awesome poem bro and the anger you put in it was really intence i loved ityou really are getting better at this __________________ thanks mellow your sig is top notch http://www.animeonline.net/links/
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Dec 09, 2006, 12:47 PM	#4 (permalink)
Shinigami's_Angel In The Arms Of My Lover Join Date: Mar 2006 Location: In Axel's Closet!! watch's him sleep XD Posts: 687 Thanks: 40 Thanked 7 Times in 6 Posts Credits: 3,363	Re: Tormented by You OMG!!!! That was amazing,wonderful,awesome!!! I can soooo relate 2 this,since a friend of mine went through something like that.The emotion in this poem is amazing!! Awesome job as always Fox! __________________ Made by- Ryomakurosaki (Thank you sooooo much!!) ^__^
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Dec 12, 2006, 12:40 PM	#5 (permalink)
BlueFox1 Upcoming Legend Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: A place called Midnight Sun know as Tranquility Posts: 584 Thanks: 8 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts Credits: 1,176	Re: Tormented by You Fma1012-Thanks Buddy for you awesome comment as always "You Rock!" HolderofTheDarkChalice-Bro you are always there when I need you and I appreciate every comment you've given me! Also if you ever need me I'll be there! Shinigami's_Angel-Hugs Shini Thank you Angel your comments and encouragement mean a lot to me if it wasn't for you I wouldn't have started writing poems! "My Shini is the Best!" __________________
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Dec 12, 2006, 12:54 PM	#6 (permalink)
anime_being_god AO Rebel Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Ohio Posts: 1,716 Thanks: 16 Thanked 24 Times in 18 Posts Credits: 5,345	Re: Tormented by You Sounds like a big agrument packed into a poem, that takes skill to do something like that. So 10 out of 10 in my score book, great job! __________________
Status: Offline

Dec 13, 2006, 10:34 AM	#7 (permalink)
BlueFox1 Upcoming Legend Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: A place called Midnight Sun know as Tranquility Posts: 584 Thanks: 8 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts Credits: 1,176	Re: Tormented by You Anime_Being_God: Thanks for the awesome comment and rating my poem 10 out of 10! Now if only more people would read it that would be awesome! __________________
Status: Offline

Dec 13, 2006, 09:15 PM	#8 (permalink)
Silver-wolfe Newbie Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 15 Thanks: 0 Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts Credits: 20	Re: Tormented by You I have to admit, this is Free Verse done well, not an easy thing to do. it has a nice rythem to it __________________ No sig, and Hassun can suck my butt
Status: Offline

Dec 14, 2006, 08:04 AM	#9 (permalink)
BlueFox1 Upcoming Legend Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: A place called Midnight Sun know as Tranquility Posts: 584 Thanks: 8 Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts Credits: 1,176	Re: Tormented by You Silver-Wolfe: Thanks for the awesome comment! I must admit that writing this poem was definitely no easy task I just had to let my emotions run wild and flow with the words as they appeared in my mind! __________________
Status: Offline

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