Thread: Trapped

Originally Posted by bassdudez

Hmm, to be perfectly honest, I am really bad at making poems......... so, improving it is quite hard for me...

But if I was to change something about it, I would say to give the remaining paragraphs a little more depth. The first one was great, it sort of had implied deeper meaning to it. Then the succeeding ones were sort of just plain stating something....... kind of an anticlimax to the wonderful start, I think......

Sorry, I cant phrase my thoughts on poems very well...... but I hope you found it useful for improvement ^_^ Good luck with your next one

Thank you Bass, that does help. When i have more free time i will edit it a little and then post it

U potrayed the meaning of loneliness beautifully... uh beautifully? that doesn't sound right. lol. umm, well... I can relate to it so I definitely like it. Very detailed, very nice.

Well i have reworked it.. tell me what you think now!!

Ever since this morning

I’ve had a funny feeling

I have been left behind

In the back seat of a car



No one even knows I’m here

They don’t even hear my cries

Muted for unheard ears

Sat chained to this chair



People are everywhere

Walking through me

Filled with a sinking feeling

Falling and falling into emptiness



These feelings won’t sift

They are always there

Covering my very soul

As I realize I am nothing but a ghost