Originally Posted by bassdudez
Thank you Bass, that does help. When i have more free time i will edit it a little and then post it
Hmm, to be perfectly honest, I am really bad at making poems......... so, improving it is quite hard for me...Originally Posted by dancy_SAZ
But if I was to change something about it, I would say to give the remaining paragraphs a little more depth. The first one was great, it sort of had implied deeper meaning to it. Then the succeeding ones were sort of just plain stating something....... kind of an anticlimax to the wonderful start, I think......
Sorry, I cant phrase my thoughts on poems very well...... but I hope you found it useful for improvement ^_^ Good luck with your next one
U potrayed the meaning of loneliness beautifully... uh beautifully? that doesn't sound right. lol. umm, well... I can relate to it so I definitely like it. Very detailed, very nice.
Well i have reworked it.. tell me what you think now!!
Ever since this morning
I’ve had a funny feeling
I have been left behind
In the back seat of a car
No one even knows I’m here
They don’t even hear my cries
Muted for unheard ears
Sat chained to this chair
People are everywhere
Walking through me
Filled with a sinking feeling
Falling and falling into emptiness
These feelings won’t sift
They are always there
Covering my very soul
As I realize I am nothing but a ghost