+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 3 of 3

Thread: "Trapped"

  1. #1
    Otaku Toecutter may be famous one day Toecutter may be famous one day
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Oregon, USA
    Posts
    130
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    "Trapped"

    Before you start whining, this is far from the standard "self-insert" Evangelion fanfiction. While it does follow in some of the traditions set forth by prior angsty authors, you will see it goes directions and reveals concepts not usually seen.

    So, a preview of coming attractions. If you want the full-blown (complete) story, follow this link.

    Very little of what took place out in the desert would ever be revealed to the public. Even if it was, not many would believe it. A few women with small arms and a giant robot crushing a platoon with armor support, somehow outmaneuvering all searches by one of the largest military forces in the world, and inconspicuously returning to Tokyo-3 by an aircraft carrier that was reported by all major channels as being at least three-thousand miles away from where it retrieved us is a hard story to swallow. I knew it happened, however, because I had experienced it.

    More importantly, Kensuke knew it, too. However, he did not act in his usual manner, pestering me for details. A week before I began class, he escorted me around the campus for a day, answered my questions, and generally behaved like a gentleman. I had asked him specifically to get me acquainted with the school, as I could not trust the others. While Hikari could have easily done the job, she and I were far from being on friendly terms.

    "Susan," Kensuke spoke up timidly. A few girls in their turquoise jumpers pointed and giggled as we made our way along the courtyard to the parking lot at the end of the day. Aida and I made an odd pair, him dressed in typical short sleeved dress shirt and slacks, while I, as a female, committed the ultimate sin of wearing a man's suit and tie. The eyepatch didn't help, either, causing a few more stares, some from people to my left that I couldn't see. But I knew they were reacting, because Kensuke, standing on my right, would scowl as the girls began their teasing. Turning to face him, I noticed his eyes were focused on the ground not a foot in front of him. "What... happened, with Shinji, I mean?"

    "What do you mean?" I asked. "Is something wrong?"

    "I thought you would know, because you pilots spend more time together."

    I shook my head slightly. "I was overseas for a couple days." Looking over my shoulder, I noticed a couple men in black suits off in the distance. "I can't say anymore about it, so don't ask. But I haven't been around for a while, and I have a place of my own, so I haven't seen Shinji." Thinking for a moment, I recalled how his behavior seemed to shift between highs and lows, mostly lows, throughout the series. "Why? What's the problem?"

    Kensuke sighed, shaking his head. "He doesn't go to school much anymore, and he won't speak to me." Aida pushed his glasses back up to the bridge of his nose, and looked mournfully out towards the horizon as we walked back to my place. "Did something happen... at NERV, I mean?"

    "The last couple battles have been... very dicey," I sighed. "Every time we go out there, we might not ever come back, and we may take half the city with us." Coming to a stop, and turning to see the girls pointing and cringing. "There's just one more, but it will be the toughest."

    "Why do you say that?"

    "Because it will be a friend." Kensuke shuddered, and started to walk away. Just before he left, I reached out to his hand. It was an awkward gesture, and one I would never have done as myself, but I had to play the role of a hormone-driven girl. "Just one last thing, Kensuke." He seemed to blush as he spun around in disbelief. "When it starts to go down, can I ask you to get Shinji, Asuka, and Rei out of here?"

    "I... don't have the resources," he began to say, before I handed him the keys to a certain black Section Two van I had thought of disposing somewhere, but then had the better sense to hide after the Fifteenth Angel. "What... what is this?"

    "Ever wanted to drive a Section Two van?" I asked.

  2. #2
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Location
    Florida
    Posts
    2,736
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Re: "Trapped"

    Wow, I read the first paragraph and was instantly pulled in. I ran out of time to finish, but I will later on! Great job
    Seduced by Flesh


  3. #3
    Otaku Toecutter may be famous one day Toecutter may be famous one day
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Location
    Oregon, USA
    Posts
    130
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Re: "Trapped"

    Quote Originally Posted by Kasai View Post
    Wow, I read the first paragraph and was instantly pulled in. I ran out of time to finish, but I will later on! Great job
    Thanks. The one problem I've been having, though, is trying to get the right mood to my fanfics. Most of my attempts, while I get close, I don't get exactly what I want. I'm shooting for that feeling at the climax of "Unforgiven"(1992), where Clint Eastwood shows up with the shotgun in hand, saying "That's right, I've killed women and children..."

    However, all my attempts get too angsty to really make the portrayal of the characters disturbing. Have any suggestions for how to correct this problem?

+ Reply to Thread

Similar Threads

  1. Replies: 1
    Last Post: May 11, 2006, 01:55 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts