trashed and torn(tell me what you think it only took me 10 minutes to make it)

Trashed and torn,
broken and born.

Beaten and worn,
every second of my life.

Is one big lie,
all I need is to die.

Fighting for nothing,
wishing it was something.

Caring for no one,
looking for someone.

I lost it all,
I always fall.

I got to the top,
Now watch me drop.

I feed the lie,
until I die.

This one is simple and not too in depth. It shows that it was created in a short time period, but I still feel its not quantity but the quality in creativity. This poem sticks to the theme in which it was created for, so it shows no signs of being rushed at all.

What I do want to emphasize for a second is the two lines towards the bottom. "I got to the top, Now watch me fall.". I feel that even in the greatest of losses, you never know where the real top lies for your life until your life is finally spent. What may seem life shattering one day, could seem insignificant the next. Its a shame most people never give themselves the time to see if a situation will turn itself around for the better or if not they fail to move on.

We are a society of perfection and one that tends to seek that perfection by living in the past. I feel this poem is a perfect example of how people tend to handle life altering situations.

- Ashe

Well, Ashe is wonderful. I read her post with a smile. And also, I believe this type of poem can be handled with rhyme. It just needs to be revised and revised until the depth of the poem, or the simplicity comes off as a complete work.

you know Ashe,
I never thought of thatO.o
I was just thinking of how my life was going,
so I wrote this
I'm making a better poem this is going to take some time.