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Thread: The Troublesome When

  1. #1
    Otaku Inuruto is off to a good start Inuruto's Avatar
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    The Troublesome When

    When sorry just isn't enough
    When you heard it just a little too much

    When you're ready to go, but your heart is stuck
    When life is like a straw cause everything sucks

    When you want to let everything go & just give up
    When you wish you never gave a damn & didn't give a f*ck

    When their love was your charm, but it ran out of luck
    When if you had a dollar everytime you heard that before
    But you get nothing not even a buck

    When all you get is empty promises
    When a promise is all there is

    When life makes you grown, but inside you're still a kid
    When life regrets haunts you for everything you did

    When nothing in life goes right
    When thoughts in your mind crosses the act of suicide

    When memories is all what is in you sight
    When your past out runs the present & your future passes right on by

    When your tears leave a river of sorrow upon your face everytime you cry
    When giving up sounds so much better than giving it a try

    When living can't even compare to someone who is ready to die
    When living don't compare to someone who is dead inside
    But wants to be alive

    The heart can't lie... Truth is... I love you!!!

  2. #2
    Otaku ING Cricket Champion, Chickenboy Chucky Champion, Dancer duck Champion, Jake,s Fire Power Champion, Bomber Bob Champion, Road Hogs Champion, Van Champion, Hacker Champion, Gorillaz Tiles Champion, Clicken Gold Champion, Galleon Champion, QBeez Champion ihauntforlust is off to a good start
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    Cool Re: The Troublesome When

    When sorry just isn't enough
    When you heard it just a little too much

    When you're ready to go, but your heart is stuck
    When life is like a straw cause everything sucks

    When you want to let everything go & just give up
    When you wish you never gave a damn & didn't give a f*ck

    When their love was your charm, but it ran out of luck
    When if you had a dollar every time you heard that before
    But you get nothing not even a buck
    Awesome and terribly sad lines there...It's beautiful and it touched me....I love that verse above...

    Brilliant work and I wish to read more from you...or else......

    -x- Zainab -x-

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    Rawr~ :3 Boxteroid Champion, flyplane Champion, Home Run Champion, Bubbelfutsch Champion, Fire Fighter Champion, Brendans Soccer Champion, Movie Star Match-Up Champion, Total blackout Champion, Text Your Reflexes Champion, Scary movie Champion, Hulk Smash Up Champion, Star Wars Champion, Extreme Snowboarding Champion, Air Disc Champion, Action Fish Champion, A Game Of 3 Halves Champion, Battleball Champion, Hacky Sack Champion, FAD 2003 Champion, SQRL Golf Champion, Dr Yeckyl and Mr Ride Champion, Sky Glide Champion, Flyer Champion, Finnair Champion, Drachenjagd Champion, Canyon Glider Champion, City Surfing Champion, Action Driving Game Champion, Extreme Rowing Champion, Kardahdg Champion, Acceleracers Track Mod Champion, Final Test Champion, Du Wichtel Champion, Pedal Power Champion, Camera Killer 2 Champion, Bike Mania on ICE Champion, ATV Winter Challenge Champion, Caliber Dash Champion, Diesel and Death Champion, Snow Ride Champion, Camera Killer Champion, Pepsi Jet Ski Champion, Bumper Cars Championship Champion, Drifting Champion, Get A Grip Champion, Rooney on the Rampage Champion, Death To Ninja Champion, Kung Fu Hustle 2 Champion, Muay Thai Champion, Metal Arm FAWEGE Champion, Knife Champion, Classroom Fighter Champion, Nobuyuki Forces 3 Champion, Caddeva Champion, Sewer Dweller Champion, Angel Mart Champion, Snowy Champion, Bola Champion, Boiler Room Champion, Bobcat Champion, Amazon Quest Champion, Booty Champion, Five Errors Champion, Mind Your Marbles Champion, Angel Fruit Champion, Binggrae Champion, Candy Shoot Champion, Imperial tiles Champion, Himalayaya - Yeti Strikes Back Champion, Terrorist Attack Champion, Americas Army Champion, Special Operations Champion, Destroy the robots Champion, Cubicle Warfare Champion, Battle Field Champion, Weapons Dealer Champion, Army Copter Champion, Flat War Champion, Terrorist Alert Champion, Bully Basher Champion, Reaktor Champion, Bungee Rescue Champion, The Contraptor Champion, Boris Champion, Carling Cold Champion, Paddleball Champion RayMe is making a name for themselves RayMe is making a name for themselves RayMe's Avatar
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    Re: The Troublesome When

    Hmm.. kinda too general.. but it has it's point...true indeed... my suggestion is to conceal the poem more then telling it in general...and...use more powerful wordings in such kind of poems..

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    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: The Troublesome When

    Hmmm... it was nice. I like the way you've write this, but I think this is missing a part where you talk about what is then. Yea... at least one line about what you do and it would be good, it's just missing that...

    Anyways... a nice work done and I hope to see more ^^ your writing is very good

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

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    Devoted Otaku bratling may be famous one day bratling's Avatar
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    Re: The Troublesome When

    Quote Originally Posted by Inuruto View Post
    When sorry just isn't enough
    When you heard it just a little too much

    When you're ready to go, but your heart is stuck
    When life is like a straw cause everything sucks

    When you want to let everything go & just give up
    When you wish you never gave a damn & didn't give a f*ck

    When their love was your charm, but it ran out of luck
    When if you had a dollar everytime you heard that before
    But you get nothing not even a buck

    When all you get is empty promises
    When a promise is all there is

    When life makes you grown, but inside you're still a kid
    When life regrets haunts you for everything you did

    When nothing in life goes right
    When thoughts in your mind crosses the act of suicide

    When memories is all what is in you sight
    When your past out runs the present & your future passes right on by

    When your tears leave a river of sorrow upon your face everytime you cry
    When giving up sounds so much better than giving it a try

    When living can't even compare to someone who is ready to die
    When living don't compare to someone who is dead inside
    But wants to be alive
    Holy shit. Pardon my french. But you gave me tingles. THrough the whole poem. Every line and every word felt like you plucked them from my confused little head. I totally know the feeling that is so stunningly conveyed through your poem. This is fabulously written and I love you for posting it! Keep writing!

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!

  6. #6
    Otaku Inuruto is off to a good start Inuruto's Avatar
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    Re: The Troublesome When

    Quote Originally Posted by ihauntforlust View Post
    Awesome and terribly sad lines there...It's beautiful and it touched me....I love that verse above...

    Brilliant work and I wish to read more from you...or else......

    -x- Zainab -x-
    Thanks for the comment!!! I am glad that you liked those lines... As you probably can tell they was from a love that was lost & the after math that I felt...

    And don't worry I will keep writing as long as I am still breathing or still have emotions which ever doesn't come first... ^_^

    Quote Originally Posted by RayMe View Post
    Hmm.. kinda too general.. but it has it's point...true indeed... my suggestion is to conceal the poem more then telling it in general...and...use more powerful wordings in such kind of poems..
    I know where you are coming from, but with this poem I really couldn't conceal what I was trying to convey in this writing, maybe next time I will do what you ask or suggested... Thanks for the comment & suggestion cause I am always open to honesty of another talented writer...

    Quote Originally Posted by Lasura View Post
    Hmmm... it was nice. I like the way you've write this, but I think this is missing a part where you talk about what is then. Yea... at least one line about what you do and it would be good, it's just missing that...

    Anyways... a nice work done and I hope to see more ^^ your writing is very good
    I thought that at one point also, but to be truthful I couldn't actually tell myself what to try & do when you feel like that... So I couldn't find myself saying "that's life" & start painting a better picture... In my first writing I actually had a line saying "When you are tired of hearing "oh well that's life"...
    Then I was going to follow up on it & start saying what one can do or how to overcome that feeling...

    Well all is well thanks for the compliment & your thoughts on my writing it does help me figure out what I should do or try & do even, if I fail at trying at it... Thanks again for taking the time to read & comment!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by bratling View Post
    Holy shit. Pardon my french. But you gave me tingles. THrough the whole poem. Every line and every word felt like you plucked them from my confused little head. I totally know the feeling that is so stunningly conveyed through your poem. This is fabulously written and I love you for posting it! Keep writing!

    Your french is pardon... ^_^ I am glad I have someone on here who either is going through or went through what I had written above or better yet understand where I am coming from... (I know it sounds a little selfish cause no one should be in a position like that, but no one wants to feel like they are by themselves on matters like that)... It is not one of them things misery loves company it is a matter of can you relate.?. (does that makes sense)
    n*e*ways

    I didn't mean to read your mind... ^_^ I just been feeling troubled lately & I couldn't pin point the problem, so I just started writing & all that came out... Probably not exactly like that, but I had to sum it up or it would of been more personal like reading a diary/journal personal...

    I am glad you can relate, but sorry at the same time... Thanks for reading my work & taking the time to comment about it... I will keep writing as long as you do the same... ^_^

    The heart can't lie... Truth is... I love you!!!

  7. #7
    Devoted Otaku bratling may be famous one day bratling's Avatar
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    Re: The Troublesome When

    Of course of course. It makes me feel better in general and it gives me something to do when the baby is otherwise occupied during my day. Or if I'm not working. I get mighty bored and my mind is a very scary place when I'm bored and left to my own devices.

    I wouldn't want anyone else to feel like this either, but I do get what you mean. I feel oddly comforted that I can so closely relate to the sentiment of your poem. But I wish neither of us had to.

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!

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