Thread: The Troublesome When

When sorry just isn't enough
When you heard it just a little too much

When you're ready to go, but your heart is stuck
When life is like a straw cause everything sucks

When you want to let everything go & just give up
When you wish you never gave a damn & didn't give a f*ck

When their love was your charm, but it ran out of luck
When if you had a dollar every time you heard that before
But you get nothing not even a buck

Awesome and terribly sad lines there...It's beautiful and it touched me....I love that verse above...

Brilliant work and I wish to read more from you...or else......

-x- Zainab -x-

Hmm.. kinda too general.. but it has it's point...true indeed... my suggestion is to conceal the poem more then telling it in general...and...use more powerful wordings in such kind of poems..

Hmmm... it was nice. I like the way you've write this, but I think this is missing a part where you talk about what is then. Yea... at least one line about what you do and it would be good, it's just missing that...

Anyways... a nice work done and I hope to see more ^^ your writing is very good

Originally Posted by Inuruto

When sorry just isn't enough
When you heard it just a little too much

When you're ready to go, but your heart is stuck
When life is like a straw cause everything sucks

When you want to let everything go & just give up
When you wish you never gave a damn & didn't give a f*ck

When their love was your charm, but it ran out of luck
When if you had a dollar everytime you heard that before
But you get nothing not even a buck

When all you get is empty promises
When a promise is all there is

When life makes you grown, but inside you're still a kid
When life regrets haunts you for everything you did

When nothing in life goes right
When thoughts in your mind crosses the act of suicide

When memories is all what is in you sight
When your past out runs the present & your future passes right on by

When your tears leave a river of sorrow upon your face everytime you cry
When giving up sounds so much better than giving it a try

When living can't even compare to someone who is ready to die
When living don't compare to someone who is dead inside
But wants to be alive

Holy shit. Pardon my french. But you gave me tingles. THrough the whole poem. Every line and every word felt like you plucked them from my confused little head. I totally know the feeling that is so stunningly conveyed through your poem. This is fabulously written and I love you for posting it! Keep writing!

Originally Posted by ihauntforlust

Awesome and terribly sad lines there...It's beautiful and it touched me....I love that verse above...

Brilliant work and I wish to read more from you...or else......

-x- Zainab -x-

Thanks for the comment!!! I am glad that you liked those lines... As you probably can tell they was from a love that was lost & the after math that I felt...

And don't worry I will keep writing as long as I am still breathing or still have emotions which ever doesn't come first... ^_^

Originally Posted by RayMe

Hmm.. kinda too general.. but it has it's point...true indeed... my suggestion is to conceal the poem more then telling it in general...and...use more powerful wordings in such kind of poems..

I know where you are coming from, but with this poem I really couldn't conceal what I was trying to convey in this writing, maybe next time I will do what you ask or suggested... Thanks for the comment & suggestion cause I am always open to honesty of another talented writer...

Originally Posted by Lasura

Hmmm... it was nice. I like the way you've write this, but I think this is missing a part where you talk about what is then. Yea... at least one line about what you do and it would be good, it's just missing that...

Anyways... a nice work done and I hope to see more ^^ your writing is very good

I thought that at one point also, but to be truthful I couldn't actually tell myself what to try & do when you feel like that... So I couldn't find myself saying "that's life" & start painting a better picture... In my first writing I actually had a line saying "When you are tired of hearing "oh well that's life"...
Then I was going to follow up on it & start saying what one can do or how to overcome that feeling...

Well all is well thanks for the compliment & your thoughts on my writing it does help me figure out what I should do or try & do even, if I fail at trying at it... Thanks again for taking the time to read & comment!!!

Originally Posted by bratling

Holy shit. Pardon my french. But you gave me tingles. THrough the whole poem. Every line and every word felt like you plucked them from my confused little head. I totally know the feeling that is so stunningly conveyed through your poem. This is fabulously written and I love you for posting it! Keep writing!

Your french is pardon... ^_^ I am glad I have someone on here who either is going through or went through what I had written above or better yet understand where I am coming from... (I know it sounds a little selfish cause no one should be in a position like that, but no one wants to feel like they are by themselves on matters like that)... It is not one of them things misery loves company it is a matter of can you relate.?. (does that makes sense)
n*e*ways

I didn't mean to read your mind... ^_^ I just been feeling troubled lately & I couldn't pin point the problem, so I just started writing & all that came out... Probably not exactly like that, but I had to sum it up or it would of been more personal like reading a diary/journal personal...

I am glad you can relate, but sorry at the same time... Thanks for reading my work & taking the time to comment about it... I will keep writing as long as you do the same... ^_^

Of course of course. It makes me feel better in general and it gives me something to do when the baby is otherwise occupied during my day. Or if I'm not working. I get mighty bored and my mind is a very scary place when I'm bored and left to my own devices.

I wouldn't want anyone else to feel like this either, but I do get what you mean. I feel oddly comforted that I can so closely relate to the sentiment of your poem. But I wish neither of us had to.