Thread: two songs

Two songs keep running through my mind. The first song is by pussycat dolls I don’t need a man. From what they sing I know is true with me why. Maybe its because I like the freedom from you being away from me for only a short time. Then there is the second song by TLC dear lie. Both at this time has so much meaning to me. That you wouldn’t understand.

I’ve tried so very hard to stay away from you. From what I know is you controlling me. But now my head and world is spinning out of control because of you. I know I said things to hurt you but you must understand that for what I know is freedom I don’t ever want to give it up again. I’ve tried to be nice but we both know that didn’t work I had to become the bitch you knew would come out all the time.

Now all of sudden you call me out of the blue sends panic in me to where I cant breath. I try to tell my self that I don’t need a man anymore but my heart wont understand. I know that we were very close and from what I can wrap my mind around is that I cant let anyone close to me anymore even another man. Why the hell not. Cries out and starts cursing like a sailor at the time being.

You know my true colors that no one else but you don’t know that there are a few who know what you’ve done to me. I know that there are only a few friends that I will confined into and tell them the truth about everything. They keep warning to me about you and how of a basted you are and how you can control me.

There are things that during the time we were together that every time you said that my bitchyness can come out in no second flat. but you have no idea how cold and bitter I can be at time. Last night I know I ****ed up big time with you. You took the big step to make things second nature to what seemed to be a life time ago. But I took the biggest move of them all by sleeping with you and now my world that I know and love is falling apart from you. I keep telling myself that things just need to end and I will find someone else. But I know that is never going to happened and if it did what will I do then. Go behind your back to see if I can handle the two of you. No way in hell will I do that to that person. Now I know that when you call I will be your good little slave and come when you call. Now I understand so long ago when we first meet that from the moment you had complete control of me and would never let me go or even let me think for myself.

The only thing that keeps going through my mind all the time now is those two song. One is by the pussycat dolls I don’t need a man and the second is TLC dear lie. Both songs are coming true to me I like my freedom and want to find love some where else other than you. But for some reason you know that will never happened if you have your way. Or am I wrong trying to make sure you stay away from me. I keep telling myself that I just need to find someone else and fast.

Did you ever know that I made up people who I just knew from high school and used their names just to keep my freedom from you. Now I think that I will have to do that same lie again. Making sure I keep way from you. I know I said that we can be friends but when you break up you stay away from each other. I did that with the very first boyfriend who controlled me and you knew and now you are trying to become him.

The only difference that you abuse me with one thing and not them all. You have the abusive of the mind and keep putting me down making sure I don’t like myself. I have to say that I’ve change and I want my dame freedom and you are not going to take that way from me now. I just have one thing to ask you is that did you know how much I disappointed all of my friends my ****ing up big time with you. I don’t know who I am anymore or what I want anymore as well. The only thing that I know is that there are two songs running through my mind one is by the pussycat dolls I don’t need a man and the second is by TLC dear lie.