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Thread: Two Worlds*pt.1*

  1. #1
    God Of Angelz Submarine Champion, Rocket Racer MX Champion, Pencak Champion, Grand Prix Challenge 2 Champion, Twelve Swap Champion, Penguin Pass Champion, Crab Volleyball Champion, Hockey Shooter Champion, Trick Master Funky Champion, Mah-Jong Connect Champion, W.R.A.X. Champion dark1angel may be famous one day dark1angel's Avatar
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    Post Two Worlds*pt.1*

    The world around us revolve us into a realm of darkness, and death

    The world between us is unbrarable and i believe in you that you can free me

    The world is ours but is separated by people that do not want us to be free

    There is so much to know about our worldthat we do not know i wish you

    were here with me i believe in us.

    The breath between us is lightless, our times together has been fortunate

    I want your world to touch mine so we can fit between the light world of

    heaven, that revolved over the sky above our lives.

    My world has been rough and barely lifeless, my time is at near stake without

    you, I sincerely need you in this world of mine that does not forge itself to be

    in the light.

    You are the light to break the curse of my damned world that traps my soul

    in this hellish place that i cannot survive in my own realm.

    Magic intervenes when there is love in first sight.
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  2. #2
    Devoted Otaku bratling may be famous one day bratling's Avatar
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    Re: Two Worlds*pt.1*

    I really like this. The flow was a little off to me and so was some of the wording. But I really enjoyed the message and story you told. I look forward to future works.

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!

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    Re: Two Worlds*pt.1*

    Wow......the words are really deep and full of worldly knowledge and meaning........
    Very nicely done!!!!!!!
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    Re: Two Worlds*pt.1*

    Agreed with bratling.. you have a very good message behind this poem... but the flow and the wordings/spelling... they are kinda off ~.~ if not they will be better to read...

    and it'd be better if you'd put the poem in stanzas...easier to read that way ^^

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    God Of Angelz Submarine Champion, Rocket Racer MX Champion, Pencak Champion, Grand Prix Challenge 2 Champion, Twelve Swap Champion, Penguin Pass Champion, Crab Volleyball Champion, Hockey Shooter Champion, Trick Master Funky Champion, Mah-Jong Connect Champion, W.R.A.X. Champion dark1angel may be famous one day dark1angel's Avatar
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    Re: Two Worlds*pt.1*

    Quote Originally Posted by RayMe View Post
    Agreed with bratling.. you have a very good message behind this poem... but the flow and the wordings/spelling... they are kinda off ~.~ if not they will be better to read...

    and it'd be better if you'd put the poem in stanzas...easier to read that way ^^
    well thanks but it seems your right i guess i need to do better on the stanzas form since i never done practice though i had complications on it.

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    Devoted Otaku bratling may be famous one day bratling's Avatar
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    Re: Two Worlds*pt.1*

    I don't always do so hot with breaking up my poetry either. My most recent works are good examples of that.

    You never really loved me/You never really cared/It was all just a game to boost your ego/Those feelings never really there/ I'm filing emotional bankruptcy/My heart can take no more debt/Theres no more "money" there to spend. === Besides tee hee SHE loves me!

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