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Thread: Under the Moonlight

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    Newbie Dragon Born is off to a good start Dragon Born's Avatar
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    Under the Moonlight

    When I saw you
    Under the Moonlight
    Your beauty glowed like the goddess;

    When you first spoke to me
    Under the Moonlight
    The words you said rang in my heart;

    When we kisses
    Under the Moonlight
    We were bond to each other;

    When Under the Moonlight
    We shall be wed
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    Otaku Dune Bashing In Dubai Champion, Yetisports 10 - Icicle Climb Champion, Yeti Bubbles Champion overload is off to a good start overload's Avatar
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    Re: Under the Moonlight

    this is a good try... but I quite strict on proper wording.
    but is it a good try like I said... maybe you should spell check before you post?
    just my opinion.

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    Newbie Dragon Born is off to a good start Dragon Born's Avatar
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    Re: Under the Moonlight

    What do you mean, I did you spell check and grammer check. Not to sound that dumb, plaese explain why.
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    "How to draw a dragon: 'Cautiously approach the dragon, offer it a piece of candy or a little sister, and draw while it happily munches away.'" J. Neodragon Peffer

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    Otaku Dune Bashing In Dubai Champion, Yetisports 10 - Icicle Climb Champion, Yeti Bubbles Champion overload is off to a good start overload's Avatar
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    Re: Under the Moonlight

    In your third stanza is where I am talking about...

    when we kisses... should be when we kiss.
    and the last line is
    we were bond to each other.... should be
    we were bound to each other.

    that is where I saw it.
    but like I said it is a good try.

  5. #5
    Newbie Dragon Born is off to a good start Dragon Born's Avatar
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    Re: Under the Moonlight

    Thank you for the clearifaction. I see what you mean about the third stanza I just forgot to change it. I think I misspelled, eventhough I spell checked it, bound. The first three stanzaes, there in the past but the forth is in the future.
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    "How to draw a dragon: 'Cautiously approach the dragon, offer it a piece of candy or a little sister, and draw while it happily munches away.'" J. Neodragon Peffer

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    Otaku Dune Bashing In Dubai Champion, Yetisports 10 - Icicle Climb Champion, Yeti Bubbles Champion overload is off to a good start overload's Avatar
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    Re: Under the Moonlight

    Quote Originally Posted by Dragon Born View Post
    Thank you for the clearifaction. I see what you mean about the third stanza I just forgot to change it. I think I misspelled, eventhough I spell checked it, bound. The first three stanzaes, there in the past but the forth is in the future.
    no problem, just glad you see it too.
    but you will get better with poems, I myself have only written 3 but they were not exactly that good.

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    Dragonrider Ichigo_06 is off to a good start Ichigo_06's Avatar
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    Re: Under the Moonlight

    I agree with overload, good job on your first poem here but work on the gramer a bit, as well as a quicker flow, The reader could easily follow but might get confused. also try and keep the stanzas with an even number of lines as, in the first 3 you have 3 lines yet in the last stanza you only have 2. keep it up though man I will be looking for more.
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    Re: Under the Moonlight

    Well this is quite ok. I like how you created an image of two people meeting under moonlight and kissing and... it's wonderful, a great idea. But I really thought that this time there is a bit too much repetition "Under the Moonlight" appears in too many places, it's like 40 % of the poem... Otherways I really liked reading this and I hope to see more from you ^^ cheers!

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

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