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Thread: Undeserving Fool

  1. #1
    Otaku LouisaDeztini may be famous one day LouisaDeztini may be famous one day
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    Undeserving Fool

    Undeserving Fool
    You drew me close
    Offering me comfort
    You held me tight
    Sheltering me from danger

    When I close my eyes
    All I can see is you
    When I drift to sleep
    All I dream in you

    Your presence overwhelms me
    Your love roused me from slumber
    But where are you when I need you the most?

    Now I close my eyes
    Al I see is you abandonment
    As I drift to sleep
    Where are you right now?

    Have you gone forever?
    Leaving me in the darkness
    Have you given up on me?
    Leaving me in the lurch

    Now I comprehend
    The love you willingly gave me
    Showered on me, I grew pampered
    Not realising what a gift I had

    I pushed you away, when I thought it was okay
    But you stayed beside me, my pillar of strength
    But when you finally had enough, I was a fool
    A fool to let you walk away

    ------------------------------

    I was in turmoil over what to name this one. I had originally named it 'Where are You?' But it seemed really odd since it's like one of regret for pushing away an important person. Didn't reflect me when I first wrote it, but it seems to now. Weird how life just comes back to hit you hard when one expects it least hunh?

    By the way, is the Poem of the Week contest still on? The latest one I saw was the first week of May. So I don't know if I can still enter...

  2. #2
    Newbie fallenangel25 is off to a good start fallenangel25's Avatar
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    Re: Undeserving Fool

    "you dont know what you got till its gone" *sigh* a saying as old time itself...good poem,couple things didnt fit..but I definatly felt the emotion! gj and keep it up.
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    Elie Jelly elie26 may be famous one day elie26 may be famous one day elie26's Avatar
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    Re: Undeserving Fool

    Al I see is you abandonment
    That should be "all". Poem of the Week is still going, but people are non active in it because I think not many people read it while the judges are busy. Post if you want to enter. I really liked the last stanza, very strong emotion in it, and we often regret after losing what was the best thing that ever happened to us. Overall an ok poem for me. Since I don't really fancy love poems much. Hope to see more

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    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: Undeserving Fool

    Wow!! elie notices everything
    Indeed it's strange how life comes back again and again... I feel so stupid everytime this happens... But I'm not going to do anything about it... let it repeat, let people hurt me if they're like that, because someday I'll meet someone who wouldn't hurt me or leave me and whom I'd not wish to leave or hurt at all...
    About the poem- I like it very mush, it has so many feelings in it... when I read the first strazas I felt dreamy, when I read the last ones- sad, it's not that easy to put such different feelings in a poem... Didn't find anything I wouldn't like. A great work Louisa, enjoyed reading it!!!

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

  5. #5
    Otaku LouisaDeztini may be famous one day LouisaDeztini may be famous one day
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    Re: Undeserving Fool

    fallenangel25 - Yeah, looking back, I agree. It doesn't exactly flow and yes, we don't know what we have till it's gone. Or only when someone or something opens our eyes to appreciate what we have, or had.

    Wow, you are good elie! I went through it on Microsoft Word, weeded out the most obvious mistakes, then checked it again, still didn't notice that mistake. Maybe I was kinda too hungry to bother much... Haha, I didn't quite realise that it was a love poem, until it was done. I seem to like that, since I can draw from the experiences of all my still-maturing friends. The pain of losing an important person, I guess everyone can relate to that, no?

    Thank you Lasura! Are there really that many emotions in the poem? It's strange how I don't notice such things until someone points it out to me. Cheerful up! Sometimes, not having another half can be blissful... But of course, it's every girl's dream to meet their perfect half, no?

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