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Jun 15, 2008, 01:06 AM
| #1 (permalink) |
  Otaku  Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Tokyo,Japan.
Posts: 389
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Thanked 12 Times in 12 Posts
 Credits: 5,158 | Unfair life Days passed and the dream broken If I regret now what is the use of Penitence Ah, if I just can back my life few years ago I will change myself and be another person And I will fix all the sins that I do I do a sin but the God hide it And the worst Resolution can any one can choose it I wish if I can return what gone Or just raise what I done Ah, how big the sky and the Nostalgia I am afraid to my days stop I am Afraid to leave (die) before I taste Felicities I am afraid to be my last days Repress
__________________ Thank You _gwenibe_ ,You Just Rock ..  "I'm not going there to die. I'm going to find out if I'm really alive." |
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Jun 15, 2008, 01:54 AM
| #2 (permalink) |
 1 )3^^( )N  Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Somewhere i would love to leave right now for somewhere better...
Posts: 3,606
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Thanked 27 Times in 24 Posts
Credits: 59,502 | Re: Unfair life This is quite a nice poem... meaningful.. simple and short but it's kind of.. complete.. ^^ nicely done... Hmm.. though you still have to work your way more on your grammar nee san..  |
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Jun 15, 2008, 10:36 AM
| #3 (permalink) |
| Diamond in the Rough  Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: somewhere nice with the people i love!
Posts: 119
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Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts
Credits: 1,925 | Re: Unfair life I agree with RayMe it's really a nice poem and altough short it has a lot of sense and feelings in it!well done and keep up the good work!
__________________ Visit my and jessie's story on this link!!hope you like it all http://www.animeonline.net/f101/gate...er-life-31158/ |
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Jun 15, 2008, 01:06 PM
| #4 (permalink) |
 Devoted Otaku  Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: death and life again
Posts: 572
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Credits: 16,024 | Re: Unfair life ok one thing is the format... and as RayMe had said it also has grammar problems... and one more thing... it seams like you are just telling a story of your or someone life... that can be good in some poems but it does not really fit to have a poem in this topic and have it in this type of format... but it is nice to a point...
__________________ "The mind can make a heaven out of hell or a hell out of heaven." - John Milton |
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Jun 15, 2008, 02:56 PM
| #5 (permalink) |
| Otaku  Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Hattiesburg, MS
Posts: 242
Thanks: 28
Thanked 18 Times in 17 Posts
Credits: 7,857 | Re: Unfair life Iit's nice, I don't want to criticize the grammar because I am a bit of a grammar major. On other websites I get on peoples nerves with my grammar and I get on their nerves about theirs, its a never ending cycle. It is a nice, short poem. |
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Jun 18, 2008, 04:29 PM
| #6 (permalink) | |
| Teddy Bear =^_^=  Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Somewhere on Saturn
Posts: 759
Thanks: 7
Thanked 42 Times in 42 Posts
Credits: 23,208 | Re: Unfair life Quote:
 ... =^_^=
__________________  ♥♥♥My Dreams Become Like The Rainbow♥♥♥ Love Like the Wind You Can't See It But You Can Feel It | |
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