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Old Jun 15, 2008, 01:06 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Unfair life

Days passed and the dream broken
If I regret now what is the use of Penitence
Ah, if I just can back my life few years ago
I will change myself and be another person
And I will fix all the sins that I do
I do a sin but the God hide it
And the worst Resolution can any one can choose it
I wish if I can return what gone
Or just raise what I done
Ah, how big the sky and the Nostalgia
I am afraid to my days stop
I am Afraid to leave (die) before I taste Felicities
I am afraid to be my last days Repress
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Old Jun 15, 2008, 01:54 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Re: Unfair life

This is quite a nice poem... meaningful.. simple and short but it's kind of.. complete.. ^^ nicely done...

Hmm.. though you still have to work your way more on your grammar nee san..
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Old Jun 15, 2008, 10:36 AM   #3 (permalink)
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Re: Unfair life

I agree with RayMe it's really a nice poem and altough short it has a lot of sense and feelings in it!well done and keep up the good work!
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Old Jun 15, 2008, 01:06 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Re: Unfair life

ok one thing is the format... and as RayMe had said it also has grammar problems... and one more thing... it seams like you are just telling a story of your or someone life... that can be good in some poems but it does not really fit to have a poem in this topic and have it in this type of format... but it is nice to a point...
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Old Jun 15, 2008, 02:56 PM   #5 (permalink)
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Re: Unfair life

Iit's nice, I don't want to criticize the grammar because I am a bit of a grammar major.
On other websites I get on peoples nerves with my grammar and I get on their nerves
about theirs, its a never ending cycle. It is a nice, short poem.
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Old Jun 18, 2008, 04:29 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Re: Unfair life

Quote:
Originally Posted by xxoxx View Post
Ah, how big the sky and the Nostalgia
I am afraid to my days stop
I am Afraid to leave (die) before I taste Felicities
I am afraid to be my last days Repress
very nice poem i really liked it and i liked these .... and good work ... =^_^=
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