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Thread: Unfair life

  1. #1
    Otaku xxoxx is off to a good start xxoxx's Avatar
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    Unfair life

    Days passed and the dream broken
    If I regret now what is the use of Penitence
    Ah, if I just can back my life few years ago
    I will change myself and be another person
    And I will fix all the sins that I do
    I do a sin but the God hide it
    And the worst Resolution can any one can choose it
    I wish if I can return what gone
    Or just raise what I done
    Ah, how big the sky and the Nostalgia
    I am afraid to my days stop
    I am Afraid to leave (die) before I taste Felicities
    I am afraid to be my last days Repress

    Foolish beating

  2. #2
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    Re: Unfair life

    This is quite a nice poem... meaningful.. simple and short but it's kind of.. complete.. ^^ nicely done...

    Hmm.. though you still have to work your way more on your grammar nee san..

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  3. #3
    Otaku Adriana may be famous one day Adriana may be famous one day Adriana's Avatar
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    Re: Unfair life

    I agree with RayMe it's really a nice poem and altough short it has a lot of sense and feelings in it!well done and keep up the good work!
    Visit my and jessie's story on this link!!hope you like it all


  4. #4
    AO #1 (fill in the blank) KungFu Basil Champion, Lost In The Jungle Champion, Heli Attack 2 Champion basilisk888 is off to a good start basilisk888's Avatar
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    death and life again
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    Re: Unfair life

    ok one thing is the format... and as RayMe had said it also has grammar problems... and one more thing... it seams like you are just telling a story of your or someone life... that can be good in some poems but it does not really fit to have a poem in this topic and have it in this type of format... but it is nice to a point...
    death and life are one and the same

  5. #5
    Otaku Haruko Haruhara is off to a good start Haruko Haruhara's Avatar
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    Re: Unfair life

    Iit's nice, I don't want to criticize the grammar because I am a bit of a grammar major.
    On other websites I get on peoples nerves with my grammar and I get on their nerves
    about theirs, its a never ending cycle. It is a nice, short poem.

  6. #6
    Teddy Bear =^_^= Bean Hunter Champion Frozen Rose may be famous one day Frozen Rose's Avatar
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    Re: Unfair life

    Quote Originally Posted by xxoxx View Post
    Ah, how big the sky and the Nostalgia
    I am afraid to my days stop
    I am Afraid to leave (die) before I taste Felicities
    I am afraid to be my last days Repress
    very nice poem i really liked it and i liked these .... and good work ... =^_^=
    My Dreams Become Like The Rainbow
    Love Like the Wind You Can't See It But You Can Feel It

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