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Thread: Unfair life

  1. #1
    Otaku xxoxx is off to a good start xxoxx's Avatar
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    Unfair life

    Days passed and the dream broken
    If I regret now what is the use of Penitence
    Ah, if I just can back my life few years ago
    I will change myself and be another person
    And I will fix all the sins that I do
    I do a sin but the God hide it
    And the worst Resolution can any one can choose it
    I wish if I can return what gone
    Or just raise what I done
    Ah, how big the sky and the Nostalgia
    I am afraid to my days stop
    I am Afraid to leave (die) before I taste Felicities
    I am afraid to be my last days Repress

    Foolish beating

  2. #2
    Rawr~ :3 Boxteroid Champion, flyplane Champion, Home Run Champion, Bubbelfutsch Champion, Fire Fighter Champion, Brendans Soccer Champion, Movie Star Match-Up Champion, Total blackout Champion, Text Your Reflexes Champion, Scary movie Champion, Hulk Smash Up Champion, Star Wars Champion, Extreme Snowboarding Champion, Air Disc Champion, Action Fish Champion, A Game Of 3 Halves Champion, Battleball Champion, Hacky Sack Champion, FAD 2003 Champion, SQRL Golf Champion, Dr Yeckyl and Mr Ride Champion, Sky Glide Champion, Flyer Champion, Finnair Champion, Drachenjagd Champion, Canyon Glider Champion, City Surfing Champion, Action Driving Game Champion, Extreme Rowing Champion, Kardahdg Champion, Acceleracers Track Mod Champion, Final Test Champion, Du Wichtel Champion, Pedal Power Champion, Camera Killer 2 Champion, Bike Mania on ICE Champion, ATV Winter Challenge Champion, Caliber Dash Champion, Diesel and Death Champion, Snow Ride Champion, Camera Killer Champion, Pepsi Jet Ski Champion, Bumper Cars Championship Champion, Drifting Champion, Get A Grip Champion, Rooney on the Rampage Champion, Death To Ninja Champion, Kung Fu Hustle 2 Champion, Muay Thai Champion, Metal Arm FAWEGE Champion, Knife Champion, Classroom Fighter Champion, Nobuyuki Forces 3 Champion, Caddeva Champion, Sewer Dweller Champion, Angel Mart Champion, Snowy Champion, Bola Champion, Boiler Room Champion, Bobcat Champion, Amazon Quest Champion, Booty Champion, Five Errors Champion, Mind Your Marbles Champion, Angel Fruit Champion, Binggrae Champion, Candy Shoot Champion, Imperial tiles Champion, Himalayaya - Yeti Strikes Back Champion, Terrorist Attack Champion, Americas Army Champion, Special Operations Champion, Destroy the robots Champion, Cubicle Warfare Champion, Battle Field Champion, Weapons Dealer Champion, Army Copter Champion, Flat War Champion, Terrorist Alert Champion, Bully Basher Champion, Reaktor Champion, Bungee Rescue Champion, The Contraptor Champion, Boris Champion, Carling Cold Champion, Paddleball Champion RayMe is making a name for themselves RayMe is making a name for themselves RayMe's Avatar
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    Re: Unfair life

    This is quite a nice poem... meaningful.. simple and short but it's kind of.. complete.. ^^ nicely done...

    Hmm.. though you still have to work your way more on your grammar nee san..

    Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!!
    I'm BACK AO!
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    Otaku Adriana may be famous one day Adriana may be famous one day Adriana's Avatar
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    Re: Unfair life

    I agree with RayMe it's really a nice poem and altough short it has a lot of sense and feelings in it!well done and keep up the good work!
    Visit my and jessie's story on this link!!hope you like it all

    http://www.animeonline.net/f101/gate...er-life-31158/

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    AO #1 (fill in the blank) KungFu Basil Champion, Lost In The Jungle Champion, Heli Attack 2 Champion basilisk888 is off to a good start basilisk888's Avatar
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    Re: Unfair life

    ok one thing is the format... and as RayMe had said it also has grammar problems... and one more thing... it seams like you are just telling a story of your or someone life... that can be good in some poems but it does not really fit to have a poem in this topic and have it in this type of format... but it is nice to a point...
    death and life are one and the same

  5. #5
    Otaku Haruko Haruhara is off to a good start Haruko Haruhara's Avatar
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    Re: Unfair life

    Iit's nice, I don't want to criticize the grammar because I am a bit of a grammar major.
    On other websites I get on peoples nerves with my grammar and I get on their nerves
    about theirs, its a never ending cycle. It is a nice, short poem.

  6. #6
    Teddy Bear =^_^= Bean Hunter Champion Frozen Rose may be famous one day Frozen Rose's Avatar
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    Re: Unfair life

    Quote Originally Posted by xxoxx View Post
    Ah, how big the sky and the Nostalgia
    I am afraid to my days stop
    I am Afraid to leave (die) before I taste Felicities
    I am afraid to be my last days Repress
    very nice poem i really liked it and i liked these .... and good work ... =^_^=
    http://www.animeonline.net/avatars/frozen-rose-62446.gif?type=sigpic&dateline=1230225100
    My Dreams Become Like The Rainbow
    Love Like the Wind You Can't See It But You Can Feel It

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