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Thread: Unfair life

  1. Jun 15, 2008 12:06 AM #1
    xxoxx
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    Unfair life

    Days passed and the dream broken
    If I regret now what is the use of Penitence
    Ah, if I just can back my life few years ago
    I will change myself and be another person
    And I will fix all the sins that I do
    I do a sin but the God hide it
    And the worst Resolution can any one can choose it
    I wish if I can return what gone
    Or just raise what I done
    Ah, how big the sky and the Nostalgia
    I am afraid to my days stop
    I am Afraid to leave (die) before I taste Felicities
    I am afraid to be my last days Repress

    Foolish beating
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  2. Jun 15, 2008 12:54 AM #2
    RayMe
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    Re: Unfair life

    This is quite a nice poem... meaningful.. simple and short but it's kind of.. complete.. ^^ nicely done...

    Hmm.. though you still have to work your way more on your grammar nee san..
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  3. Jun 15, 2008 09:36 AM #3
    Adriana
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    Re: Unfair life

    I agree with RayMe it's really a nice poem and altough short it has a lot of sense and feelings in it!well done and keep up the good work!
    Visit my and jessie's story on this link!!hope you like it all

    http://www.animeonline.net/f101/gate...er-life-31158/
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  4. Jun 15, 2008 12:06 PM #4
    basilisk888
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    Re: Unfair life

    ok one thing is the format... and as RayMe had said it also has grammar problems... and one more thing... it seams like you are just telling a story of your or someone life... that can be good in some poems but it does not really fit to have a poem in this topic and have it in this type of format... but it is nice to a point...
    death and life are one and the same
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  5. Jun 15, 2008 01:56 PM #5
    Haruko Haruhara
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    Re: Unfair life

    Iit's nice, I don't want to criticize the grammar because I am a bit of a grammar major.
    On other websites I get on peoples nerves with my grammar and I get on their nerves
    about theirs, its a never ending cycle. It is a nice, short poem.
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  6. Jun 18, 2008 03:29 PM #6
    Frozen Rose
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    Re: Unfair life

    Quote Originally Posted by xxoxx View Post
    Ah, how big the sky and the Nostalgia
    I am afraid to my days stop
    I am Afraid to leave (die) before I taste Felicities
    I am afraid to be my last days Repress
    very nice poem i really liked it and i liked these .... and good work ... =^_^=
    http://www.animeonline.net/avatars/frozen-rose-62446.gif?type=sigpic&dateline=1230225100
    ♥♥♥My Dreams Become Like The Rainbow♥♥♥
    Love Like the Wind You Can't See It But You Can Feel It
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