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Thread: Unforgettable

  1. #1
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Unforgettable

    I used my usual writing style in the poem, but I wanted to try and make more of an image for the reader. I hope you all enjoy! Comments and critiques welcome!



    Unforgettable


    Thoughts of once being love burned into my mind
    Like the pain of a kid falling and scraping his knee
    Never to forget your venomous poison in my heart
    Seeping through my veins turning my blood black

    Eternal flames now surround and engulf my heart
    Causing every emotion I once felt to flee my soul
    As I lay lifeless on the ground watching you smile
    I realize that the my love will never be rejuvenated

    Now bound to death by your relentless thorns of hell
    The hatred for you now sets in and forms a new devil
    Now your heart begins to beat as your love emerges
    Like a phoenix from its red warm slumbering ashes

    You start to remember the love etched onto you heart
    As kids remember the joys playing and making friends
    Tears start to form as you being to take head to reality
    Now you realize you want and had an unforgettable love

  2. #2
    Sorrow's Angel Shinigami's_Angel may be famous one day Shinigami's_Angel may be famous one day Shinigami's_Angel's Avatar
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    Re: Unforgettable

    OMG!! Awesome as always Fox!!! I soooo love this!!! The emotions in this poem is sooo strong!!! Truly amazing! Awesome job as always Fox!
    Made by- Ryomakurosaki (Thank you sooooo much!!) ^__^

  3. #3
    Fish Fingers & Custard Ice Hockey Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Ant Tracks Champion, Jungle Hunt Champion, Madnetics Champion, Manole Champion, Blokken Champion, Fast Food Fiasco Champion, Shapes Hifters Champion, Mud and Blood: Vietnam Champion HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice's Avatar
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    Re: Unforgettable

    very awseome poem bro this poem screams pain
    and mistrust atleast thats what i get from it , and i
    have to say this poem was intence i really loved it.

    and you did good with the detail i could feel how it felt
    with the hurt , but i have been there my self with this
    but the poem brings it back you did awesome
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

  4. #4
    Heavy Metal Goddess CherryBlossom18 may be famous one day CherryBlossom18 may be famous one day CherryBlossom18's Avatar
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    Re: Unforgettable

    Great job on the poem. I really liked it . I can't wait to read your next one.
    "Sunset Kisses Along The Beach"
    Made for me by HolderofTheDarkChalice
    Thanks so much I love it!

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    Lost In My Own World Fishing the Sea Champion, LastTank Standing Champion Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra may be famous one day Ky-lyrra's Avatar
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    Re: Unforgettable

    OH MY GOSH. Fox that was the best poem I have ever read. Just reading it gave me goose bumps. Thanks for posting it so I can read it. Keep up your good work and keep posting.
    ™Mommy To Micah And Shawn!™


    Thanks For The Amazing Tag Pyro!

  6. #6
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: Unforgettable

    I see what you mean about trying to get the reader to visualize an image. But.. Hmm. the wording seems iffy, as if you tried too hard to do that.
    Seduced by Flesh


  7. #7
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: Unforgettable

    Thanks to all who commented on my poem!

    Angel: Thank you!*Hugs* couldn't have done it without your awesome AMV that's what inspired and helped me through my writer's block! You Rock!

    HolderofTheDarkChalice: Bro thanks for being there and understanding what I'm talking about! I wouldn't be writing if I didn't have three of the greatest friends out there ie...You, Angel, and fma1012! Now if only more people would read my poem and give me some feed back, I honestly would appreciate it more!

    Cherryblossom18: Thank you for your kind words, and I trying to keep them coming promise!

    Ky-lyrra: Thank you for reading my poem and I promise to continue to write after all it is a part of me now! Oh and your welcome I'm glad that you like my poem! Honestly you should thank Angel though cause without her I wouldn't have posted it!

    Kasai: I appreciate the critique and I had a really bad spot of writer's block so if it seems a little forced, my apologies and I'll make the appropriate correction in my next poem.

    Once again thanks to all who took the time to read and critique my poem I appreciate it!
    Last edited by BlueFox1; Jan 25, 2007 at 10:46 AM.

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