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Thread: Unrequited (unrequittal revised)

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    Otaku Caixa 2006 Champion Corvus may be famous one day Corvus may be famous one day Corvus's Avatar
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    Unrequited (unrequittal revised)

    as I'd mentioned before I've found a cache of poems that I wrote when I was a younger me... (not that I'm old) but I was a lot more opinionated and selfcentered back then and more in touch with my intimate feelings as they got crushed time and time again by this one girl whom I adored.

    Well I looked at this poem bitter unrequittal and it just didn't sit right with me so I'm re-posting a revised copy of the poem without all of the flashy colors and some changes that make it more to me. (I hope this doesn't get me killed or worse... banned.)

    Tell me what you think if this thread isn't closed...


    Unrequited.

    Why can't I be good enough for you?
    The simple truth, deafening it haunts.
    I love you more then a man can do

    without losing to a law more true.
    Thus forming me, a figment of fear.
    Why can't I be good enough for you?

    To give up, is that what I should do,
    To prove what only a heart can hear?
    "I love you more then a man can do."

    Pleading pain, my heart pulses blue,
    "Right here I stand... I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE!"
    Why can't I be good enough for you?

    A simple truth and a pain more true...
    Love is lost when lived too full. Now that's clear,
    I love you more then a man can do.

    Scorching, screaming, cries some sacred clue
    inside it screams, "it's all right here!"
    Why can't I be good enough for you?
    I love you more then a man can do.

    ... and join my rebellion against time.

  2. #2
    Fallen Angel PhoenixSara may be famous one day PhoenixSara's Avatar
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    Re: Unrequited (unrequittal revised)

    i like this line, it gives you a haunted kind or feeling that makes you want to scream and very sweet coming from a guy.

    Why can't I be good enough for you?
    The simple truth, deafening it haunts.
    I love you more then a man can do
    "In your arms is where i will be, I love you till my forever ends."
    Clan Rainstorm 2nd Company, Kunoichi Leader
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    Corvus (May 04, 2008)

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