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  1. #1
    Newbie Averian is off to a good start Averian's Avatar
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    Unhappy Untitled 01

    I see the drops of red.. dripping down my sides..
    I hear my heart beat pounding in my head.
    I see the jagged dagger stabbed into my heart, And yet I feel no pain...
    Only filled with remorse..
    I see all these images and all these flashing lights, I can hear the siren faintly even though it's nearby.
    My knees have hit the pavement and my hands are holding me up.
    I watch the crimson blood stain the dull gray side walk.
    I feel my blood rushing and I see it pouring faster as I draw the blade from it's sheath and stab it into it's Master.
    My one last victory.
    My one last triumph.
    I feel my body go limp as I hit the sidewalk.
    Last edited by Averian; Mar 25, 2010 at 05:06 AM. Reason: revised

  2. #2
    Otaku aeonking is off to a good start
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    Re: Untidaled1

    Well this is quite a good poem. It reminds me of some samurai film or something like that.

    At first I thought it was going to be someone getting stabbed by a thug, but turned out to be a fight with your master.

    I liked this poem, keep it up.



  3. #3
    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    Re: Untidaled1

    This is an interestiong poem... it was quite vivid. I only wish that you'd have made more of an effort to give it some type of poetic structure (verses just having it written in paragraph form). But, other than that.... this was good.
    ... Not Ever Again...

  4. #4
    Newbie Averian is off to a good start Averian's Avatar
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    Re: Untidaled1

    For once i tried free verse to see how well I did.. ^_^0

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