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Thread: ~Untitled~

  1. #1
    Legendary Otaku divine_punishment may be famous one day divine_punishment may be famous one day divine_punishment's Avatar
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    ~Untitled~

    Do you know what it’s like to be on the inside looking out?
    To see children scraping their knees and bleeding for them?
    To see a funeral procession and drown in tears?
    You think you do.
    You’re just standing in the shade.

    Do you know how they say history repeats itself?
    Mistakes are made over and over.
    No one learns a damn thing?
    You think you do.
    You’re asleep in class.

    Do you know what it’s like to feel every blow?
    To bruise at every touch?
    To wince at every glance?
    You think you do.
    I’ve been shielding you.

    Keep walking.
    I’ll be your shadow.

    Keep talking.
    I’ll be your audience.

    Keep looking.
    I’ll be there.

    (Real Title: I'll Be There)

  2. #2
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    Re: ~Untitled~

    wow...this is a nice poem...but it sounds like a stalker *looks around* @.@ *hides* no~!

    I like it ^^

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    Legendary Otaku divine_punishment may be famous one day divine_punishment may be famous one day divine_punishment's Avatar
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    Re: ~Untitled~

    Quote Originally Posted by RayMe View Post
    wow...this is a nice poem...but it sounds like a stalker *looks around* @.@ *hides* no~!

    I like it ^^
    I can just imagine myself as a stalker . . . that would be quite eventful! I just want the person I wrote this for to realize how special she is to me and remember what we were talking about last night . . .
    Last edited by divine_punishment; Sep 18, 2007 at 07:15 PM.

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    Re: ~Untitled~

    Oooh........kind of spooky......but in a good way!!!!!!!
    I like it a lot!!!!!!!
    DO NOT MAKE ME UNLEASH MY INNER DEMON

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    Banned Jamie5192 is off to a good start Jamie5192's Avatar
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    Re: ~Untitled~

    It's a wonderful poem and i understand what you mean.

    What's up with the stalker crap? i think it's a good poem that means a lot. I like this and keep writing okay? Keep up the great work^-^

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    Re: ~Untitled~

    I dont think it seems stalkerish. I found there to be quite a statement in it.

    I'm going to sudgest something, but I do so humbly. To me you are a superior writer.

    The part where you wrote "I’ve been shielding you." stood out quite a bit to me... It was the first point in the poem where I felt like you were taking the responsibilty for easing this persons hardships.

    It made me go back to the last lines of the first two stanzas.
    "You’re just standing in the shade." "You’re asleep in class."... I thought about them being written as "You're just standing in my shade" and "You're asleep in my class"

    See what I mean?...

    Anyway, just a thought... the poem is outstanding either way.
    ... Not Ever Again...

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    Banned Flavio Baby is off to a good start
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    Re: ~Untitled~

    I like this poem. It sounds like you are saying that you will always be there for someone. Well I kinda got that from the title.

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    Re: ~Untitled~

    I like your poem divine. It seems that you are trying to make someone understand that you care for them sort of. But make sure you don't go to deep in the water to make them understand where you are trying to come from. Good job divine keep up the good work.

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