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Thread: Untitled

  1. #1
    Newbie Saraku is off to a good start Saraku's Avatar
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    Untitled

    You are my rose now scatterd in my heart
    forever lost my cherished love hidden as we part

    I danced away and you could not follow
    and in your tears I now do I wallow

    The Serpent pearced you and then me
    and silver crystals never again to fall for thee

    Now you can never truly know my love
    and my heart is pure white like an icy dove

    Driven to madness I will be soon
    as you my flower never again will bloom


    Kay i rhymed that one cause i could.... is it ok?
    Im drained right now... I'll post some more later
    Last edited by gren; Aug 30, 2008 at 07:37 AM.
    A lively flower bloomed and I grew with it, Its colours were bright and true and I fell in love, One day it wilted and now its gone I die a little more each day

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    Newbie Kuinta is off to a good start
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    Re: Untitled

    Great rhyming lines. I thought it was very good that you used "thee" to express a subtle usage of archaic style of writing. Although it wasn't that long, it's the message it conveys that counts.

  3. #3
    Newbie Saraku is off to a good start Saraku's Avatar
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    Re: Untitled

    Wow you really think so?^_^ I know I could have done better but thanks so much for reading it and stuff, do you write poems? anyway thanks a heap ^.^
    A lively flower bloomed and I grew with it, Its colours were bright and true and I fell in love, One day it wilted and now its gone I die a little more each day

  4. #4
    Newbie Saraku is off to a good start Saraku's Avatar
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    Re: Untitled

    This one is about the same thing and sort of a continuation only not ^.^

    You are a wild flower's lively bloom
    And my lost rose scatterd in my heart
    Forever gone my cherished love
    My hope is crushed in the broken dark

    When you left my soul grew still
    My joy and laughter gone and spent
    Your wilting heart calls me close
    Yet still I search for what you meant

    Crystals fall from a trail of silver
    and hide where you I once could hold
    I clutch my heart now pale and empty
    In a lost hope to be consoled

    The shadow of dark, now my ally
    You flew from here you canot return
    Yet still my heart prays for your warm love
    As I long for you, my only yearn
    A lively flower bloomed and I grew with it, Its colours were bright and true and I fell in love, One day it wilted and now its gone I die a little more each day

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