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Thread: untitled

  1. #1
    Newbie full blooded romatic is off to a good start full blooded romatic's Avatar
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    untitled

    as life passes me bye
    i ask why,I alone wonder why, I ask for one, I ask for only one
    I dont know why

    Many take more use them like toys
    then just tosses them aside. I ask for the one.the one I will charish the one I need!
    why I ask. the sorrow is so painful.

    they say i will find one but the one i found chooses
    to be the toy I ask agen
    why I am the only one that wonders
    why the sorrow bilds up
    they just dont see
    why I wish they could see me . . .


    hi this is just sometine i wrote



    thank you blackrose im idk how to write, well i just write what i feel
    Last edited by full blooded romatic; Nov 11, 2008 at 04:14 PM.

  2. #2
    Otaku Robo Soccer Champion, Gorillaz Groove Session Champion blackrose92 is off to a good start blackrose92's Avatar
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    Re: untitled

    ok first it was very hard to read. second you kinda lost my interest because it wasnt written correctly may be you should break it up like this:

    as life passes me bye
    i ask why,I alone wonder why, I ask for one, I ask for only one
    I dont know why

    Many take more use them like toys
    then just tosses them aside. I ask for the one.the one I will charish the one I need!
    why I ask. the sorrow is so painful.

    they say i will find one but the one i found chooses
    to be the toy I ask agen
    why I am the only one that wonders
    why the sorrow bilds up
    they just dont see
    why I wish they could see me . . .


    if you write it like that you see its more easier to read and the you can connect your poetry better to the reader.
    I'm the best you'll ever have because i am that f*ing AMA-zing chic who can stand on her own d*n feet and becasue of you I am the Greatest Thank you so much SasuraiHell and Gwen

  3. #3
    Administrator magnaman is off to a good start
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    Re: untitled

    I liked it. The title captured the prose. I agree that is should probably have been broken up a bit though.

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