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  1. #1
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Untitled

    What's up AO? It's been a min since I've posted or written so here goes nothing. Constructive criticism only!

    Together is a thought that once flourished as wildly as flowers in spring.
    Now those thoughts play repeatedly in her life's mental movie theater.
    She sits confused as if no one can ever understand her life lingering pain.
    How does one continue in the never ending journey of loves roller coaster?

    The pain of losing the one who meant the most is a staggering blow.
    Her heart bleeds and bellows for a chance to once again be heard and seen.
    As darkness sets in and resides inside a heart like a hollowed tree.
    She begins to remember things and do thing the way the have always been.

    Loneliness begins to set in and she crumbles like a sand castle at the waters edge.
    She cries out for help but fears no one will hear her and run to her aid.
    Just as hope begins to flee like birds at the first sign of winter.
    He reaches in and grabs her hand like lightning dancing through the air and touching the ground

    Tears running softly down her cheek like rain falls on to a leaf without a sound
    A gentle whisper like a cool summers breeze in her ear says it's going to be okay
    Her sadness begins to subside like storm rolls away after it has brought chaos
    Slowly her mind begins to clear and she focuses once more in the race for love.

  2. #2
    Devoted Otaku BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1 may be famous one day BlueFox1's Avatar
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    Re: Untitled

    Here's one of my other poems that got published in a book called "Poetically Correct" enjoy and critic if you like. Please no low quality post and constructive criticism only!

    Somewhere there’s a heart destined to fly beyond limits
    Hidden beneath the endless clouds of broken dreams
    He struggles to find that perfect love untouched by time
    Wondering if another beats like his in this unshielded society

    As hope begins to fade out of life’s miserable existence
    He realizes the only things that can be held onto are dreams
    Broken promises plague his pure heart as he continues to wait
    Uncertain of what may traverse a princes fallowed life

    Continuing through a life that has been forced to exist
    Hope emerges through the endless clouds of despair
    A pure heart beating as wildly as the wind appears
    She’s full of dreams and determination to succeed

    Finally a princess emerges in the ever changing world
    With a heart that is undaunted by vicious lies and grief
    Now knowing she’s the one he’s been longing for
    Two hearts can now coincide together as one beat.

  3. #3
    Otaku Marcus Fenix is off to a good start Marcus Fenix's Avatar
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    Re: Untitled

    Interesting...it has a bit of life to it. I think it is wonderful, though you could do a little better.
    We gotta make our choices...because in the end we are who we choose to be.

    Because choice is the only real freedom any of us have.

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to Marcus Fenix For This Useful Post:

    BlueFox1 (May 04, 2011)

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