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Thread: Untitled ( sorry for lack of title )

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    Newbie Forgotten soul is off to a good start Forgotten soul's Avatar
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    Untitled ( sorry for lack of title )

    Looking through blackened eyes,
    The world passes by without a care,
    In pain yet glad,
    For I know I am alive.

    This world wishes for peace,
    But war still rages on,
    An endless sea of blood,
    A river of corpses.

    Voices of crying children,
    Echo through the night,
    As gun shots are heard.
    Last edited by Forgotten soul; Nov 15, 2009 at 12:22 AM.

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    !beast (Nov 14, 2009)

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    super effective Last Man Standing Champion FLawEdmiNd may be famous one day FLawEdmiNd may be famous one day FLawEdmiNd's Avatar
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    Re: Untitled ( sorry for lack of title )

    this doesn't feel comeplete.. you should merge the first two stanza's and keep going on after the thrid stanza.

    though i like where this is going ;P
    the love you withhold is the pain you carry.

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    !beast (Nov 14, 2009)

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    Re: Untitled ( sorry for lack of title )

    You don't waist a line. Your poems are very consistent. The sea of blood is vivid but I woud have liked to have seen it develop more.

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    Re: Untitled ( sorry for lack of title )

    Thank you for your comments on this poem,
    I wanted to add more but after the third stanza
    I got a writters block.

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