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Thread: Vampire Thief

  1. #1
    Fallen Angel PhoenixSara may be famous one day PhoenixSara's Avatar
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    Vampire Thief

    All was fine till she came my way.
    She was always saying she was your day.
    Yet in the deepest abyss i knew,
    You longed to have the night.

    While others said they love you dearly,
    All I could do was watch the others pass by.
    Could i have done anymore wrong?
    Than to stay quietly in one side.

    Wake my dearest heart,
    she uses you to make someone jealous.
    She only wants to avenge her broken self,
    can't you look my way as you promised?

    Do I always have to be the one,
    to make you see things when they fall apart.
    How could she say my lose was her gain.
    Come back to me like you promised again.

    You have drained me again
    like a vampire stealing my light.
    You have stayed away ,
    after getting the most important part.

    I see that you will never change.
    You will always be the Duke of the night.
    Always wanting and stealing what is not his
    and what can not be part of his heart.



    *** author's note*** sorry for the numerous entries just couldn't make up my mind what to enter for this month***
    "In your arms is where i will be, I love you till my forever ends."
    Clan Rainstorm 2nd Company, Kunoichi Leader
    PhoenixSara FB / Click Me IMVU/Atlantis RPG/Rules and FAQ/MY BLOG /

  2. #2
    Otaku Neon 2 Champion, BMX Stunts Champion, Alu`s Revenge Champion, Robo Slug 2 Champion Sol-x may be famous one day Sol-x may be famous one day Sol-x's Avatar
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    Re: Vampire Thief ( January entry)

    Wow, as always, you have made a flawless poem. I dont know why, but your poems are the best that I have ever read^^. Keep up the good work.

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    Angelic Lasura may be famous one day Lasura's Avatar
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    Re: Vampire Thief ( January entry)

    Multiple entries can not be forgiven just like that, and I think that the boss will agree with me. It only takes up more of the judge's time to have to read three of your poems and decide which is better, furthermore it gives you some power ower the other entrants. If you change your mind about an entry then either edit your previous post or ask a moderator to delete the previous post. We will have to wait to see what Gren says... I suggest you choose one of your entries as the final one

    This poem is rather nice, I like the way you approach the theme of break ups+ your man goes to another woman, you also used rather nice language in some places (for example "the duke of the night" sounds great) and I love that it rhymes, however I thought that the flow could be smoother in some places- at the begginging it felt really strange.
    Nice work alltogether.

    My recommended fanfic: "Dreamer" by Scourge

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    I'm sleepy... Jukebox Hero Champion, Word Up Champion, Word Craze Champion gren may be famous one day gren may be famous one day gren's Avatar
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    Re: Vampire Thief ( January entry)

    Lasura is correct; per the POTM rules, multiple entries are a no-no and only the first poem entered will be judged. You entered one on 1/19, another on 1/20 and this one on 1/22, so the one posted on 1/19 will be the one entered in the contest.

    Moving to the regular poetry forum.
    sig by Pyro Psycho

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