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Thread: Violence

  1. Jun 23, 2006 10:12 AM #1
    Tano-kun
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    Cool Violence

    You can run from the beast
    But you can't hide
    It's closer than you think
    'Cause it dwells inside

    The beast is always near
    Feeding on your hatred and greed
    Unlike you, it never sleeps
    And enjoys the bereft child that weeps

    It takes lives
    It survives
    From the beast, people die
    And leaves the question, "Why?"

    Unknowingly, we let it out
    From its slumber
    All the slain, all the pain
    Just increasing in number

    This unforgiving world
    We all live in
    It began with one being
    Its name was Sin
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  2. Jun 23, 2006 10:24 AM #2
    The Fighter
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    Re: Violence

    oo so the beast was the persons hate greeed ect..
    Great set of lines! lol this is a change frome most of the poems I have been reading about love and what not! Its god to get refreshed with a good Violent poem! haah, 10/10 nice work!
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  3. Jun 23, 2006 11:42 AM #3
    ketaro
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    Re: Violence

    this was really great man! keep it up.
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  4. Jun 23, 2006 05:53 PM #4
    Hold.Me.X.Thrill.Me
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    Re: Violence

    oOo cool poem!

    I love how you ryhmed it, it really flowed.

    In one part you put,
    Unlike you, it never sleeps
    but in another you put,
    Unknowingly, we let it out
    From its slumber
    It kinda contradicts itself..

    Other than that, its great!

    TY Sasurai for the lovely sig!*
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  5. Jun 24, 2006 01:42 AM #5
    Reese
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    Re: Violence

    Well, I could name a good few grammatical errors and like Kerry said some statements may contradict each other. A good effort nonetheless. ^_^

    The entire poem is a metaphor... haha, most compelling. Keep at it.
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  6. Jun 25, 2006 08:07 PM #6
    Tano-kun
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    Cool Re: Violence

    Quote Originally Posted by Reese
    Well, I could name a good few grammatical errors and like Kerry said some statements may contradict each other. A good effort nonetheless. ^_^

    The entire poem is a metaphor... haha, most compelling. Keep at it.
    yeah, now that's i've reread it...i've realized my mistake...thanx...both of u for pointing that...next time i'll try not to screw up...
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  7. Jun 25, 2006 08:23 PM #7
    HolderOfTheDarkChalice
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    Re: Violence

    i like this poem alot mistakes oir not
    i get the point of this poem very nice
    i cant wait to read another
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself
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