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Thread: The Warning

  1. #1
    Otaku moonlight_child may be famous one day moonlight_child may be famous one day moonlight_child's Avatar
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    The Warning

    Hollow is the emptiness that grips my soul.
    Sorrow is the feeling that will not let go.
    Come into to my world of numbness.

    How does the painful feeling feel?
    Now once was false becomes real.
    Come into my dreams of coldness.

    Wake up the shadows of my past.
    Take up the feelings that will never last.
    Come into my heart of loneliness.

    Rest your head upon my shoulder.
    Test the warmth that becomes colder.
    Stay away from my darkness.
    Last edited by moonlight_child; Jan 23, 2008 at 07:11 AM.
    Love is like a gust of wind; it blows and then goes away...
    Without you, my soul goes out of control on the brink of danger...
    My world is already in a violent storm

  2. #2
    Otaku Dune Bashing In Dubai Champion, Yetisports 10 - Icicle Climb Champion, Yeti Bubbles Champion overload is off to a good start overload's Avatar
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    Re: The Warning

    nice, very nice.
    but it could have been better word wise. take this for example.

    How does the painful feeling feel?
    Now what is false becomes real.
    Come into my dreams of coldness.

    if you change the second line to this,

    Now once was false becomes real.

    other than that I don't see anything. and this is a good poem.

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