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Thread: Watch you

  1. #1
    Newbie N8VE South is off to a good start N8VE South's Avatar
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    Watch you

    Ok this my first poem, an it's really emo, it's bout someone growing up an learning to deal with their problems. so don be 2 critical k. here it goes.

    Why do you wish me gone
    Why am I unwanted after all these years, for I've always been here, for you and in you
    I've seen u crawl and I've seen u fall
    I've seen your first steps an heard your first words
    But you could have never loved me

    I was there when you cried and there when you laughed
    And in your times of need i sat with you an felt your pain
    I have watched you all your life, yet now as you grow, I die
    You are learning to block me out, for I only ever brought you down and that's all i'll ever do
    All your life I have watched you an become a part of you
    I live within you yet I am the most unwanted part of you

    I am your inner demon and my job is to watch you die
    But the only way for you to be happy is for me to fade first
    So it is time for me to leave before I watch you slowly dying as time goes by
    However you are not losing a friend your losing a part of you ... me

    k sorry bout length but there it is, not exactly great but I'm new at this. k
    THINK ABOUT IT
    N8VE LAW

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    Otaku Dune Bashing In Dubai Champion, Yetisports 10 - Icicle Climb Champion, Yeti Bubbles Champion overload is off to a good start overload's Avatar
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    Re: Watch you

    Well let's see, first off. I know what is going through your mind with this poem. It is an emotional piece of art.
    I like it for the simple fact that any one can relate to it...

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    Otaku Stickicide 2 Champion starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036's Avatar
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    Re: Watch you

    Quote Originally Posted by overload View Post
    Well let's see, first off. I know what is going through your mind with this poem. It is an emotional piece of art.
    I like it for the simple fact that any one can relate to it...
    lol this poem is the 5h17 lol i like it a bit emo yes but it is a very good work of art

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    Re: Watch you

    Hmmm... agreed with Overload..

    I like it too... but i dont get this part....

    You said in the first and second stanza how important your "job" or your existence to this other person then in the third stanza you right away changed it... hmm...i would say it's kinda too sudden...i suggest more description...

    Since this is a hate poem... more angryness should be put... ^^ thats my opinion... but overall..this poem is still good..

    *and i dont think it's that emo...i did worse poem about death and darkness and i am not regarded as an emo.. *

    Legion Ketsueki Lives on~!!
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    Newbie N8VE South is off to a good start N8VE South's Avatar
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    Re: Watch you

    Lol thanks. I not sayin I'm emo jus sayin the poem seemed bit emo 2 me. But thanks for the input
    THINK ABOUT IT
    N8VE LAW

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    Smile Re: Watch you

    Nice,

    Yes, The poem was Emo yet I read it and understood it deeply.

    Though you need to check your 'you', you wrote it 'u' Sorry but the 'u' kept bugging me .

    I like this poem because it's really sweet, I also like the feeling(s) you wrote there. Personally I thought you wrote it from two people's point of views which I thought was a great idea.

    -Zainab

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