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Thread: What If I told you...

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    Femmebot Rehab Colt Crouse Champion, Bookworm Champion, Hangman Champion, Connect 2 Champion Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows has become well known Peach_follows's Avatar
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    What If I told you...

    What if I told you...
    ...to "make a wish"...

    Flirtatious words, from laughing lips.
    We share a glance, and pass the spliff.
    To catch a mind thats gone adrift.
    A touch thats not an accident.

    What if I told you...
    "... I wanted to..."

    Show you my dying point of view.
    I see that you are dying too.
    Heartbreak I could not produce.
    Yet, still endured heartbreak's abuse.

    What if I told you
    I can't fake it?

    Honesty is always naked.
    Show me the truth, until Im shaking.
    Creating a bond worth breaking.
    Somehow, makes me like the aching.

    And I could never tell you.
    ... Not Ever Again...

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    Laid Back Otaku Tano-kun may be famous one day Tano-kun may be famous one day Tano-kun's Avatar
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    Cool Re: What If I told you...

    What if I told you...I think your poem is awesome? Sorry, just trying to get a few laughs. Anyway, I thought the words chosen were very concise about inner emotions. By the way, nice personification about honesty being naked. The alliteration "laughing lips" wasn't too bad either. Other than that, I always love seeing rhyming couplets. Well done.

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    Peach_follows (Aug 11, 2008)

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    Otaku Inuruto is off to a good start Inuruto's Avatar
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    Re: What If I told you...

    I am not mad... not mad at all with this poem... If you only knew how much I embraced the words written... Like Tano-kun has already pointed out; your play on words is something serious... I've read this poem like 15 times already & I still find myself at awe... You have brighten up my day with this piece of work... And I mean I was feeling down, lost. worthless, all mixed into one big ol' ball, but that is because I might of saw the TRUTH lastnight... And this line right here: "Honesty is always naked" made me realize...

    Also this whole stanza spoke to me

    "Show you my dying point of view.
    I see that you are dying too.
    Heartbreak I could not produce.
    Yet, still endured heartbreak's abuse"

    I could relate to each & every line written there... Like I said your poems always speak to me, but this one right here uplifted my spirits also, so I must say THANK YOU... And one request: Keep on writing....

    The heart can't lie... Truth is... I love you!!!

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    Peach_follows (Aug 11, 2008)

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    Re: What If I told you...

    Quote Originally Posted by Tano-kun View Post
    What if I told you...I think your poem is awesome? Sorry, just trying to get a few laughs.
    And you did raise a few laughs out of me with that one. Thank you for takimg the time to read the piece... I actually put quite a bit of effort into it, so I was glad to see some feedback.


    Quote Originally Posted by Inuruto View Post
    I am not mad... not mad at all with this poem... If you only knew how much I embraced the words written... Like Tano-kun has already pointed out; your play on words is something serious... I've read this poem like 15 times already & I still find myself at awe... You have brighten up my day with this piece of work... And I mean I was feeling down, lost. worthless, all mixed into one big ol' ball, but that is because I might of saw the TRUTH lastnight... And this line right here: "Honesty is always naked" made me realize...
    Ya'know... I luv you... In an AO sort of way

    Quote Originally Posted by Inuruto View Post
    I could relate to each & every line written there... Like I said your poems always speak to me, but this one right here uplifted my spirits also, so I must say THANK YOU... And one request: Keep on writing....
    You're lifting my spirits just by telling me you could relate to this piece. Lately our feelings must compliment eachother well, because I am finding that your work really hits home for me as well. One thing you can be sure of, is that I'm not gonna stop expressing myself with a pencil anytime soon.
    ... Not Ever Again...

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    Newbie Kuinta is off to a good start
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    Re: What If I told you...

    This poem is really great because it flows so well. The rhyme scheme of the poem really brings out the sheer imagery. It's like pure imagination.

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    super effective Last Man Standing Champion FLawEdmiNd may be famous one day FLawEdmiNd may be famous one day FLawEdmiNd's Avatar
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    Re: What If I told you...

    wow, you just defined something i bin ruminating over for like, four years.
    got that? four years worth of pondering and thought summed up right here, for free.

    its that feeling, of shedding something important. and hearing the pieces of your own heart falling onto the ground in a million little pings and pangs of loss.
    the imagery this poem stirs in me is just unnecessary, i mean, damn.
    the love you withhold is the pain you carry.

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    Peach_follows (Aug 17, 2008)

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    Re: What If I told you...

    Man, you understood the pieces of this poem that I was trying to hide between the lines a bit.
    Its like you're able to pull out the eomtions that I tried to overshadow with interesting word play. Never thought I'd know what to do when someone could look past my little rhymes and into the emotion that spawned the words to begin with ....

    Ah, but feelings are emotions. Emotion is a weakness. Weakness is a flaw. So... who better to recognize the Flaws in my mind.... (I will never get sick of making plays on your user name).
    ... Not Ever Again...

  11. #8
    super effective Last Man Standing Champion FLawEdmiNd may be famous one day FLawEdmiNd may be famous one day FLawEdmiNd's Avatar
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    Re: What If I told you...

    you just made my whole week.
    it's nice, y'know, you and seeing our poems for what they secretly are. cause there's no denying your crazy eye when i get a reply from one of my poems.
    it's nice, y'know.
    the love you withhold is the pain you carry.

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