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Thread: What you think?

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    丹色 月影 BrightShadow_96 may be famous one day BrightShadow_96 may be famous one day BrightShadow_96's Avatar
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    What you think?

    Just wondering what you thought of the prologue for my new story I'm working on. Oh, and feel free to be very confused.

    When the Floor is Up

    Prologue
    A beautiful full moon shone on the 7 year-old boy named Ryan Eve. He looked up at it, dumbfounded at it’s vivid crimson-red hue. For whatever reason, the moon was red to him, while few others could see it’s warm colors. His mother, Stacey, was one of them. Ryan seemed to have inherited more features from his mother than from his father. Like, for example, Stacey’s somewhat pale skin pigment. Ryan was also slightly paler than other kids. Ryan inherited his mothers pitch black hair, too, and her very rare red eyes. But, most kids didn’t notice. In fact, most kids didn’t notice him at all.
    “Daddy, look at the moon!” He shouted, pointing to the crimson sphere. “It’s all red!”
    Ryan’s father, Rick, stared up at the sky, but didn’t see the crimson moon that Ryan was looking at. “What do you mean? It looks normal to me.” He was clueless. Though Ryan was young then, he had a lot of common sense, and knew that it was pointless to try and make his dad see the red moon that he did.
    Stacey casually walked outside the back porch that Ryan and Rick had been sitting in. Rick had built an extra section to the wooden porch, a section that was elevated higher than the previous one, and was less neat as the section of the porch built by the professionals. Ryan’s neighborhood was filled with an overabundant quantity of quickly-built, two-story apartments that guarded the right side of the house. On the other side of the neighborhood, many old houses and trailers filled the suburban streets.
    Stacey saw the red moon, and Ryan, who was still staring at it.
    Rick told to his spouse, “Ryan might need glasses. He thinks that the moon is red.”
    Stacey seemed to be the only one to know why Ryan saw the moon as red. She looked at Ryan. “Your father’s right,” she lied. “The moon’s yellow.”
    Ryan was puzzled at why no one else seemed to believe him. As he glared at the moon again, he began to fiddle with his tooth. His tooth emitted an unpleasant pain as he wiggled it around. It was loose. Before long, his loose tooth fell out. Ryan looked at his tooth shortly and saw that it had blood on the bottom of it.
    Stacey noticed the tooth, and quickly asked, “Oh, Rick, could you get a paper towel?” Rick obediently stepped into the house to find a paper towel. More blood began leaking from Ryan’s exposed gums. Stacey looked at the tooth that Ryan had just lost again. The tooth was long and sharp, like a canine fang.
    Last edited by BrightShadow_96; Sep 01, 2006 at 04:30 AM.

  2. #2
    S.E.L - sexy etna lover Baal may be famous one day Baal may be famous one day Baal's Avatar
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    Re: What you think?

    so is about a boy that looks to the crimsom moon and he turns into a monster??

    still is confusing and cool.



    perdoname michelle!

  3. #3
    丹色 月影 BrightShadow_96 may be famous one day BrightShadow_96 may be famous one day BrightShadow_96's Avatar
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    Re: What you think?

    Quote Originally Posted by Baal View Post
    so is about a boy that looks to the crimsom moon and he turns into a monster??

    still is confusing and cool.
    It's supposed to be confusing for now.. Once I get the first few chapter done you can read and start putting pieces together. lol

  4. #4
    Shu
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    Re: What you think?

    what do i think? i think youre cute <3

    (this story ish confusin)
    Last edited by Shu; Aug 31, 2006 at 07:36 PM.

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    丹色 月影 BrightShadow_96 may be famous one day BrightShadow_96 may be famous one day BrightShadow_96's Avatar
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    Re: What you think?

    Quote Originally Posted by Shu View Post
    (this story ish confusin)
    The title is a hint. think about it. When the floor is up. The kid has sharp teeth. He's pale....... Use your brains. XD lol I'm not sure if anyone will figure it out or not..

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    Re: What you think?

    Yep well I'm confused little bro...lol but it sounds pretty good so far.

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    Fish Fingers & Custard Ice Hockey Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Ant Tracks Champion, Jungle Hunt Champion, Madnetics Champion, Manole Champion, Blokken Champion, Fast Food Fiasco Champion, Shapes Hifters Champion, Mud and Blood: Vietnam Champion HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice's Avatar
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    Re: What you think?

    i got it lol he is gonna hate silver when he gets older i like this
    i hope to see where it goes after he gets older .
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

  8. #8
    丹色 月影 BrightShadow_96 may be famous one day BrightShadow_96 may be famous one day BrightShadow_96's Avatar
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    Re: What you think?

    Quote Originally Posted by HolderOfTheDarkChalice View Post
    i got it lol he is gonna hate silver when he gets older i like this
    i hope to see where it goes after he gets older .
    It might not be exactly what you think... the red moon wasn't really a clue. It was more of... I don't know. Just one more thing that makes Ryan.. "different" lol But you are close...

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