+ Reply to Thread
Results 1 to 2 of 2

Thread: Where Is A Place Of Peace

  1. #1
    Banned beast may be famous one day beast may be famous one day beast's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Michigan United States
    Posts
    1,499
    Thanks
    411
    Thanked 132 Times in 126 Posts

    Where Is A Place Of Peace

    Another day comes, and soon it will be gone.
    Lines in the sand, still getting deeper, stay drawn.
    Somewhere at any point on Earth there is struggle.
    War wages, runners have weapons to smuggle.
    The despair can change the sane to the maddest,
    Who can say whose lot in life is the saddest.
    Kids pray angels of mercy whisk them away.
    For hundreds never see peace until death's day.

  2. #2
    Newbie Japxican may be famous one day Japxican may be famous one day Japxican's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Here, there, anywhere...kinda like eating green eggs and ham.
    Posts
    70
    Thanks
    5
    Thanked 8 Times in 8 Posts

    Re: Where Is A Place Of Peace

    I like the rhyming scheme. You touch on a topic that speaks to people. I would suggest making it longer, though. It feels a little blotchy, like there should be more describing what's going on. I'd also recommend putting either a semicolon or a period after maddest and a question mark after saddest (because the "who" is making the sentence a question). I did like your choice of words as well; they flow quite nicely. Overall, a good poem.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Japxican For This Useful Post:

    !beast (Aug 13, 2009)

+ Reply to Thread

Similar Threads

  1. *I'll be at peace*
    By flaminghate in forum Poems
    Replies: 2
    Last Post: Nov 10, 2007, 08:51 PM
  2. To have Peace
    By RayMe in forum Poems
    Replies: 15
    Last Post: Aug 21, 2007, 12:32 AM
  3. Peace Out (bye for a while)
    By Peach_follows in forum Poems
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: Aug 14, 2007, 06:50 PM
  4. Peace!
    By Haunted in forum Introductions
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: Feb 02, 2007, 05:21 PM
  5. a place of peace
    By MikiWolf in forum Archive
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: Jan 15, 2007, 10:41 AM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts