bratling

I don't know how everything got this way.
I only ever wanted a piece of happiness to call mine.
I never wanted to hurt anyone, or make them cry.
I just needed to stop feeling like I wished I could die.
But my efforts are never good enough.
I was never shown love strong enough.
I've never seen trust in any real form.
Just deciet lonliness and pain.
I just wanted a piece of understanding.
A little more consideration without having to beg.
Some support to stand up next to me
No matter who comes or who goes, no matter what.
But I just can't seem to get out of this rut.
And what no one seems to see
Is just how hard it is for me to simply -be-.
The thoughts and feelings they just won't get.
and how all of it, the bottling, makes me sick.
The ach inside that just won't quit.
No matter what who or how I try to fill it.
Sex drugs and alchohal can't suffice,
Besides in the end they'll just ruine your life.
All the feelings for me are amplified.
I want so desperately to hide.
But with no home to call my mine
And families that feel so unwelcoming at times.
I continue to to cry and wish I could just die.