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Thread: witch

  1. #1
    Newbie zombie#47 may be famous one day zombie#47 may be famous one day zombie#47's Avatar
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    witch

    Witch

    have the courage to take your life
    become forever the devils wife
    strike your name form the book of life
    slice your wrists with a kitchen knife
    your sinful greed, your lust, your pride
    is what makes you the devils bride
    that crimson ring upon your hand
    in hell you'll become wife and man
    your sins on earth have made you blind
    this contract you signed you cant unbind
    ....your eternity is mine.



    --so guess there's nothing left to but tell me what you think.
    _________________________________
    zombie click

  2. #2
    Otaku raja_psyche may be famous one day raja_psyche may be famous one day raja_psyche's Avatar
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    Re: witch

    This poem is great, zombie#47! i was interested in this poem. the rhyming does not hinder the essence of the poem. i would like to suggest capitalizations in the beginning of every line.

    Thank you very much,Reese for this wonderful signature ^_^

  3. #3
    You's Trollin Pro Leafblower Champion, Helicopter Champion ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro's Avatar
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    Re: witch

    Very nice poem, i like the rhymes at the end of each sentences.

  4. #4
    Domme Kasai may be famous one day Kasai may be famous one day Kasai's Avatar
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    Re: witch

    Raja is absolutely right. the use of rhymes does not create a bad flow. Instead, the flow of your poem was beautiful. As well as capitalization, punctuation would be nice.
    Seduced by Flesh


  5. #5
    Newbie zombie#47 may be famous one day zombie#47 may be famous one day zombie#47's Avatar
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    Re: witch

    well thank you all, thats just one more thing to work out in my next poem.
    _________________________________
    zombie click

  6. #6
    Otaku sachiko ueto may be famous one day sachiko ueto may be famous one day sachiko ueto's Avatar
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    Re: witch

    i thought it was cool... very interesting... very... sinister?^^ haha no, really, nice job here... but I must agree on the punctuation thing...

    They say you can't use oversized signatures here on AO.

  7. #7
    Newbie hell-slayer may be famous one day hell-slayer may be famous one day
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    Re: witch

    very nice love the poem
    !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol

  8. #8
    Newbie 13kira13 may be famous one day 13kira13 may be famous one day 13kira13's Avatar
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    Re: witch

    sweet i love this poem it rocks. It really speaks to me

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