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Thread: A Writer...

  1. #1
    Ever So Awesome Kaboom Champion, Archery Champion, Crazy Pool 2 Champion, Ninja-Boy Champion, Bubble Shooter Champion zyta may be famous one day zyta may be famous one day zyta's Avatar
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    A Writer...

    First off, I really don't want many, or even one, "OMG, This is the best poem eveah?!?!?!!!111!?!!?" I want real comments with constructive criticisms please. Everything else can be left to PMs. Note that I just finished this s couple minutes ago and this is the first draft.

    A Writer...
    A writer at heart am I
    Deep in my bones
    Concealed from even me
    To rear its sought after face time and time again.

    Oh giving up would be easy
    To forget my true self
    And keep the reality
    That society only knows me as.

    Of Pens and Tongue
    With Words that are concealed
    And never to be shown
    Except to be etched in one’s own heart.

    My heart
    It yearns to write
    But Time and Tide stray me from the path
    That calls to me ever more.

    Visit my blog: Rewriting Life

  2. #2
    Fish Fingers & Custard Ice Hockey Champion, Smaugs Treasure Champion, Mini Putt 3 Champion, Ant Tracks Champion, Jungle Hunt Champion, Madnetics Champion, Manole Champion, Blokken Champion, Fast Food Fiasco Champion, Shapes Hifters Champion, Mud and Blood: Vietnam Champion HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice is making a name for themselves HolderOfTheDarkChalice's Avatar
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    Re: A Writer...

    to write from the heart in a
    never ending flow of words does seem
    tomake that face to be sought after
    time and time again , and when it comes
    from your or your soul where most
    words come the final pen stroke
    is that of true dedication.

    i got this from that poem and i really liked alot
    i hope you write another
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons
    I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and a voice of reason
    I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices son
    They're one in the same, I must isolate you...
    Isolate and save you from yourself

  3. #3
    ~always by your side~ Radarix Champion, Virus 2 Champion, Virus 3 Champion fireandice is off to a good start fireandice's Avatar
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    Re: A Writer...

    It was good but is didn't quite flow. The third stanza to the fourth, it kinda just jumped. There seemed to be something missing. Also another little trick that was shared with me, if you can, try and not repeat the same word more than once. Find another word that means the same or something else that can say the same feeling. It had good structure and a nice use of some words to get your point across. You just need to tweak it abit and you'll have a great poem. I hope atleast something that I have suggested will help you in what you seek. Otherwise keep writing you have the talent.

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