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Thread: X-Ray of my Heart

  1. #1
    Newbie Bio-link may be famous one day Bio-link may be famous one day Bio-link's Avatar
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    Talking X-Ray of my Heart

    tell me what you think

    here i waste away today
    i am cold and lonely in the dark
    i wait here tucked and hidden away,
    away from words that cut without a mark

    i wait here for many an hour
    waiting for words to that will never come
    every day becomes more dire
    waiting for that which is apparent in some

    all these chains that bind my vanity
    these feelings that set my soul apart
    i wither away to struggle with my sanity
    all this you'll see with an X-Ray of my heart


    The brighter a light shines, the thicker the shadows fall

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    Legendary Otaku divine_punishment may be famous one day divine_punishment may be famous one day divine_punishment's Avatar
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    Re: X-Ray of my Heart

    Punctuation and capitalization might help those of us reading this. Also, don't focus so much on rhyming that your metre goes off. Beyond that, I really like this poem, particularly the last stanza.

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    Decapitation?DontBePicky! Raimann may be famous one day Raimann may be famous one day Raimann's Avatar
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    Re: X-Ray of my Heart

    i dont agree wit divine
    im onna rap site called goldmic and ppl caps the rhymin words
    but in poetry, its the simplicity that stands out
    ur x-ray idea was good, but it could have a broader meaning

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