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Thread: You're so broken

  1. #1
    Newbie Monkey is off to a good start Monkey's Avatar
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    You're so broken

    You disrupted soul
    You waste of skin
    You broken now
    Like you were back then

    You assume the world
    Is against you
    But maybe the one
    That is against someone is you

    You tear down the strong
    And Kill the weak
    You’re not seeking happiness
    What do you seek?

    You broken child
    You desecrated misfit
    Keep believing your right
    And you'll never be shit

    The pain you cause
    To others mind and health
    Could never exceed
    What you do to yourself

    You broken child
    I ****ing hate you
    I want to be the one
    Who brutally kills you

    You smile endlessly
    So god forbidden obliviously
    Not knowing the hurt
    You put on me

    You undermined me
    You destroyed my last shred of sanity
    You turned me into
    A new kind of crazy

    I'll break you
    You broken child
    Because I know, you die
    When I smile

    P.s Die
    And go to hell
    You’re a broken child
    When else fails

    If only people choose to adopt me.... a lonely monkey

  2. #2
    You's Trollin Pro Leafblower Champion, Helicopter Champion ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro is making a name for themselves ketaro's Avatar
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    Re: Your so broken

    Wow, this poem is full of hate and epic win. I really liked your poem specially the last stanza, it reminds me of the old me. Good job, keep it up Monkey ^^x..

  3. #3
    Otaku Caixa 2006 Champion Corvus may be famous one day Corvus may be famous one day Corvus's Avatar
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    Re: You're so broken

    Not my idea of poetry you have the emotion, and the lack of any real structure helps sure but you've crossed the line. First, bumbling out your hatred for someone isn't productive and it's not poetry. It belongs in your blog. Poetry isn't all love and roses but it's not selfish either. It's about controlling your reader forcing them to feel the raw emptiness or hatred or hope or WHATEVER it is that you feel. DON'T assume that because you made some words rhyme and that you threw them all into choppy little blocks that it's poetry.

    Yeah I'm a prick but you know what I'm producticve. Poetry is poetry. This, is not. IF (and I doubt it) I've got this all wrong please, justify it. As it is now, I can't know if you are actually really thinking about what you're saying or if you're flinging about in a blind rage without any form. Remember poetry is and art and art has form. Even the deadly arts have a lethal elegance. That being said, in comparison, your ramble is uneffective. I'm sorry for being blunt but if I were the person whom this was directed at I would know immediately that you're hurt upset and not over "it"; whatever "it is; yet and you're pinning the whole of your issues on me.
    If you wanted this to be effective, you should've assumed the opposite perspective and used that as your means of fully expressing yourself. If you're going to use poetry, learn it, master it, that way you can effectively accomplish that which you seek to do. However don't post unbalanced unthoughtful mockery of the most powerful form of common expression which mankind has the ability to produce in a forum devoted to the art.

    To the mods:
    I may have overstepped a little but not unjustifiably.
    If I'm banned for this, then I'll be confused, especially since my point is obviously very clear and that the point I'm arguing is one of the things that is listed in the rules as things to not do in the forums.
    That being posting low quality threads ie. one's that are showing hate and are harassing in nature. If this poem had even an inch of structure I would accept it as a thought or a release and nothing more, but as it is it's meant to do damage and that's unethical and not worthy of being put in with where people who are actually devoted to producing real art that makes people think stor their genius thoughts. (I'm referring to the other poetry that's on here, not my own.)

    ... and join my rebellion against time.

  4. #4
    Otaku Stickicide 2 Champion starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036 is making a name for themselves starfire1036's Avatar
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    Re: You're so broken

    Quote Originally Posted by Monkey View Post
    You disrupted soul
    You waste of skin
    You broken now
    Like you were back then

    You assume the world
    Is against you
    But maybe the one
    That is against someone is you

    You tear down the strong
    And Kill the weak
    You’re not seeking happiness
    What do you seek?

    You broken child
    You desecrated misfit
    Keep believing your right
    And you'll never be shit

    The pain you cause
    To others mind and health
    Could never exceed
    What you do to yourself

    You broken child
    I ****ing hate you
    I want to be the one
    Who brutally kills you

    You smile endlessly
    So god forbidden obliviously
    Not knowing the hurt
    You put on me

    You undermined me
    You destroyed my last shred of sanity
    You turned me into
    A new kind of crazy

    I'll break you
    You broken child
    Because I know, you die
    When I smile

    P.s Die
    And go to hell
    You’re a broken child
    When else fails
    like oh em gee that is so totally flippin awesomely great

  5. #5
    Newbie Monkey is off to a good start Monkey's Avatar
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    Re: You're so broken

    Thank you that was informative Corvus next time i'll just have to watch what i write down. Umm also even tho it was engulfed in hate, my poetry had emotion and wasn't meant toward anyone. But still thank you for your opinion.

    If only people choose to adopt me.... a lonely monkey

  6. #6
    Otaku Kazaf is off to a good start
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    Re: You're so broken

    It's that rock and roll music I tell ya! With all the hate and the killing. It's the devil's music!

    Lol j/k. That's something a parent would probably say if they read this. Lots of emotion in this. I guess you just have to find a way to structure it better. Just saying. I like it tho. :thumbs up:

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