sazza2488

I heard a bit on the telly today about adoptive parents, and they made a comment that society doesn't view adoptive parents as "real" parents. Of course, for any adoptive parent, this sort of hit a nerve. If I was a adoptive parent, I never refer to myself as her adoptive mom and never refer to her as my adopted daughter. But I hear it all the time - "her adopted daughter", "his adoptive father", 'their adopted children'. It irritates me to no end...

Why is it necessary to add the "adopted" all the time? And do you think their is a difference between "real" parents and 'adoptive' parents in how they raise their children?

Tell me your views.

Descended From Darkness

Because technically the adopted child isn't really yours and they don't have your genes. Not really it depends on the situation. I have friends who were treated wrong. Two are adopted and 1 has biological parents. Though it does appear(to me anyways) That the adopted parents will mistreat their children and not even give the mthe TLC they need and or will favor the other adopted children...that's how it seems to me anyways.

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!The White Wolf

Because they adopted the children to give them a home, I feel one shouldn't refer to them as "adoptive parents". No, they aren't their biological parents, but they gave the kid(s) a home. Somewhere to live, and love, and learn. To me, that's all the a person needs to call themselves a biological parent or child.

gigi2005

thats becose they want to make it clear that the child is adopted, but they only do that on tv when you normally meet the parent or the child you would not refere to them as adoptive parents/children.
Becose refering to a person as adopted doughter/son is very impolite and insulting, and if you dont now a person asking them that there children are adopted is also very impolite so its somthing you just dont do.

And about adopting i think its a very good thing not only do you give a child a new life you also give them a hope and a new future.
It also gives you the right to call yourself a mother/father and its somthing to be very proud of.

But i have to be honest the possibility of me adopthing a child arent very big i only would adopt a child if the are close family (by close family i mean the child of one of my siblings) are a good frend.

divine_punishment

I believe that biology has nothing to do with parenting. There are biological parents who are horrible and adoptive parents who are wonderful. Nature vs. Nurture and whatnot.

I myself have considered adoption several times. It is unfortunate that very few couples want an older child, so there is relatively high demand for babies and toddlers, and there are hundreds upon hundreds of "unwanted" prepubescents and adolescents.

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lebasiara

Well.... My mommy adopted me and NOBODY can tell me that SHE IS NOT MY MOM... My biological momo died when I was 7... but the one that raised me after that was my mother... it bugs me when ppl try to call her "my step-mother" or "my adotptive mother" she IS my mom... she has cried for me she has laugh for me and of course she has get mad at me and to the opposite. But she is my mom. those ppl that adopt kids make a great effort to love and to care someone that they didn't give birth... they make a huge effort to win the kid's love and most of them their dream is that someday the kid will call him father or her mother w/out hesitation...
it is unfair for the parents if soc. keeps telling the kid: "Oh so that is ur adoptive parent"... it is unfair and dumb

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Shodokan

I know this isn't what this subject is about but I noticed that kids that get adopted are extremely loyal to their adoptive parents. Very much more than biologically related kids are to their parents.

Concerning the thread title. I think whoever raises you is your real parent. Just because you gave birth doesn't make you a mother.

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divine_punishment

I think children who are adopted are more loyal to their parents because they were chosen, they were special. Out of everyone this couple could have adopted, they wanted this child, those siblings, etc. Biological parents don't exactly have that choice. Yes, you could make the argument that they chose not to abort the baby, but they didn't know how it would turn out, not the way adoptive parents get to see what the child is like before selecting him/her to join their family. Adoption is very special.

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SasuraiHell

Depends on how long a parent has been adopting a child. If it was from birth(or even by months after), then its a big deal because of course the baby will have grown accustomed to that parent.

If i was an older child like (8-whenever), then it might have a different impact, again it might have to do with time.

my friends parents were adoptive parents, they've looked after a 5-6month old baby, and they recently had to hand the baby back over(it has been over a year or so), and they were totally shocked, Im sure that baby thought of them as their parents,

My family has adopted my little cousin since he was 1month old, and now he's about 3 going on 4 in june. We totally love this kid to death, He refers to nmy parents as "Daddy" & "Mum", he never will call them by their names, His Own dad(by birth), who where he knows thats it is his real dad, calls him by his name not dad.(im sure that feels bad coming from your own child but thats how it is.).,
That kid is like the little brother i've always wanted.(years before we adpoted him, my sisters and i were wishing for a brother XD, what an answer to a prayer eh?)/.

So , i think its all comes down to who raises and puts the time and care into raising that child becomes the parent.(that would also consider me his parent because when he was just a baby, i constant babysat him and looked after him whenever my parents were at work., One summer, i basically dedicated my whole summer looking after him while everyone was busy working. SO you can see why i think who ever cares enough for a child , that child will definitely see that person as a parent or someone to count on.

having done this, no one refers my parents as adoptive parents to him, not even an aunt or uncle, its either dad&mum or bust,

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blue_rebel

Differences in how they bring them up, no. Some people talk about how adoptive parents mistreat their adoptive children, and I laugh and say, "So you think real parents don't mistreat their children at all?" I understand where you're coming from, sazza, and I would definitely feel upset if I were an adoptive parent and someone told me that I could never replace a real parent. >__> Personally, NO, I do not feel that there is a need to include the word "adoptive" all the time, unless you're dealing with formalities. Come on, in most cases the child wouldn't have known any other parent!

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Brent-Enix

Well, yes, it depends on the treatment of the adoptive parent to the child, actually. In my experience with my adoptive dad of 10 years, most adoptive parents treat their adopted child like their own; they treat the child with love. So, in a way, it's disrespectful to call adoptive parents "adoptive" all the time, especially to those who treat their adoptive children with unconditional love.

And, I agree with some of those who say that the biological relation of a parent to his/her child doesn't matter. A true parent is a true parent when s/he treats and loves the child, nevertheless.